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10-16-18 09:02 AM
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Xeogaming Forums - Debate Shrine - Changing Your Name for Marriage | |
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Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 682 days
Last activity: 265 days
Posted on 08-21-11 12:36 PM Link | Quote
Was having an interesting discussion with my sister yesterday. She just so happened to hear me say that if I ever married, I sure as shit would change my last name. I'd be sad. My grandfather gave me this last name, but I can't use him as a scapegoat. The man was CRAZY old fashioned (although I was able to get away with being a tomboy.) and would roll over in his grave if I didn't take my potential husband's last name.

Other reason why It'd be sad? My last name is Babe. So yeah...hahaha.

But I was wondering, because there are many valid reasons FOR a woman to keep her last name after marrying. If she's in the entertainment business, or medical field, as my sister pointed out, then her name identifies the woman nearly if not AS much as her work. What are your thoughts on this? Men and women can answer. I know some guys who say they refuse to marry a woman who doesn't take their last name.

Me personally? I don't think it's that big of a deal. I'm feminist enough to think women deserve equality. But that's just it. Equality. I deserve equal pay as anyone for doing the same job and doing it at the same skill level, etc...but you know what? If a man is going to get on his knee, look up at me, most likely in front of other people, present a ring that HE paid for, and put himself on the line like that, then the least I can do is take the poor bastard's last name.

I have other views and reasos for feeling this way as well, but I was wondering what everyone else here thought? Does it matter? Or do you lean toward one way over the other?
Xeoman

Gibdo
Administrator








Since: 08-14-04
From: 255

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 20 hours
Posted on 08-21-11 12:42 PM Link | Quote
I like the idea, unification I guess or something. I see how it can maybe be an issue for some though.

Personally if a woman wanted me to take her last name instead I wouldn't have a problem with it, lol.

Although, it can be an annoyance sometimes too... haha. As in on my birth certificate and legally I had a different last name up until I was legally adopted by my father when I was four years old, randomly off and on I still see that old name pop up in some systems, paperwork, or things like that. It's extremely random and rare especially nowadays, but it has happened. I wonder if this annoys some women?
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 8 hours
Posted on 08-21-11 03:17 PM Link | Quote
It's funny. I only recently discovered my mother's birth name while sorting through things in my grandmother's house. I heard a couple years ago that Mom's name was actually Luz, and she'd gotten used to being called Lucy so when she and my father married she not only took his last name, but changed her first as well. While sorting through papers, I found her baptism certificate saying her name was Luz Constancia Yap. She'd always said she doesn't have a middle name. I'm suddenly realizing that my parents are still quite the mystery to me even after 26 years of knowing them.

Anyway, this whole debate of to-take-a-name not-to-take-the-man's-name or what have you. I understand both sides. I mean, I've been going by this name for 26 years. It comes up with some good stuff in Google searches, my professional work is tied with it and so on. As an independent woman I can understand why it can seem backward to progressives for a woman to take a man's name -- perhaps they tie it with becoming property or what have you, losing her identity in the name of tradition.

At the same time, I understand tradition. And hell, it can be a bitch to be introduced as Mrs. Still Going By Maiden Name and then having your husband called the same. Is the world ready? There's always going by Ms, which I've come to prefer these days, though I still check the "Miss" box on forms (proudly unwed, thank you very much).

I mean, there is the route of changing your name to Maiden Name-His Name.

Then again, back in the day Stitch wrote a story about Brandon and me where he combined our last names. Amarantus and Demaria became Demarantus. I always thought that was fun. Still, if Brandon and I actually did tie the knot (good god...) I would be Christine Marie Demaria. Sounds redundant.

I don't know what my stance was. Hm, I suppose it all depends on what the woman wants. It's her name. She's free to do with it as she pleases. Maybe she could be like Phoebe on Friends and putting as her name, on the post-marital form, "Princess Consuela Banana Hammock."
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 682 days
Last activity: 265 days
Posted on 08-21-11 03:33 PM Link | Quote
Hahaha. Good point.

Although...Your mother's birth name...Beautiful! Seriously. And Christine Marie Demaria...call me weird, but I think that sounds REALLY pretty as well.

I think first immediate good that would come with my taking the husband's name is...with my last name being "Babe" It's VERY difficult to use on the internet at times...for instance...with the exception of running an experiment on facebook, years after the initial issue, it was easier to go by my middle name all the time "Kate" (Well, actually I have a double name, EleanorCatherine = Ellie-Kate = Kate. Was never given an official middle name. I looked for one. Hard. My mom's just dumb.)

I have to get any school I attend to use "Kate" as my first name, because when they use my full name, or do that E-mail address most schools seem to do, where they use your first initial and your last name, it never failed for my inbox to be overflowing with porn shit, somehow breaking through the "security" of these schools, and going to the address eBabe@whatever.com. (That and I've had some problems with hackers a while back. In my first year of high school, right before I joined here actually, our computers had to be shut down at the school and they had to re-do the security system, and actually just exclude the first part of my name for a while. It was that bad...)

Two points...taking a new last name would make most of tha shit go away, haha. And another, because I bring this up to cover the feminist angle as well...my sister, knowing all of this, STILL swears that I'm disgracing the idea of women being independant. And somehow, gets others to side with her and get them on my case about it. Because apparently there are NO exceptions.

So, if there are any feminits, or I'm just asking you, intelligent people of this place, is there a line? I mean, can you still take another name, and rally that women are worth being treated as equals and not as property?
True Flight

The One








Since: 08-21-04

Since last post: 673 days
Last activity: 658 days
Posted on 08-21-11 05:25 PM Link | Quote
one of my buds got married and he changed his last name to his wife's. Why? Storm. His first name was Jonathan. You do the math.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 682 days
Last activity: 265 days
Posted on 08-21-11 05:50 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Sorcha Rohan
one of my buds got married and he changed his last name to his wife's. Why? Storm. His first name was Jonathan. You do the math.


I'm in stitches here.

Haha. That's fucking GREAT! Anyone who doesn't find that to be any sort of exception to the "rule" needs to be taken out by Dawinism Hawks. (I've turned Darwin and his theories into superheroes to appeal to all ages of the importance of Darwinism. Story for another time.)
Belial

Bazu








Since: 01-29-05
From: New Zealand

Since last post: 2136 days
Last activity: 1750 days
Posted on 08-21-11 08:50 PM Link | Quote
When I married, I did not want to take my husband's last name. However, for his sake, I did. Then I'm divorced and have to change everything back. NOT fun. A very time consuming process.

Reasoning? I wish I could explain it. I'm very fond of my name (Though it sounds like a stripper name when used with my nickname: Candy Hoover). My father's side of my family are just amazing people, I love them to death... It's just hard for me to accept being called by something else.

Perhaps if I marry again I'll hyphenate my name, so when I'm a veterinarian, I can still have my last name for professional reasons. My kids however, will have my husband's surname, making me want to have some common ground with them name-wise... I just hope I can find a contemporary man.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 682 days
Last activity: 265 days
Posted on 08-21-11 08:57 PM Link | Quote
"Candy Hoover." XD At least that's a nickname, rather than the name you'd be trapped with otherwise. (And I was always envious of people who could use that as a nickname. I have a cousin we call Candy(Candace) and I was always a little jealous. XD)

Honestly, I don't think finding a contemporary man is as difficult as it seems. It appears it's more women that are doing the attacking over the name-issue. Most guys I talk to are like "Uh...as long as the kids have my name, okay?" like you said, Belial.
Cteno

Super Shotgun
Moderator








Since: 01-11-05

Since last post: 30 days
Last activity: 5 days
Posted on 08-22-11 02:38 AM Link | Quote
My name is Jeremiah Johnson. It is also the name of a 1970s movie starring Robert Redford. It is also the name of a guy who played college football locally, now professionally. Also, I hate the name Johnson. It's so boring, you know? One of the absolute most common names in the USA.

Even before I started playing Castlevania, I have wanted to change my last name to Belmont. Seriously, Jeremiah Belmont. That is completely badass.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 682 days
Last activity: 265 days
Posted on 08-22-11 02:44 AM Link | Quote
Jerimiah Belmont...I rike it...
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 08-23-11 12:22 PM Link | Quote
I know a few women who have changed their middle name to their maiden name when they married so they could keep it. It only works some of the time, obviously... I don't think Crystle Stevenson Chernik would sound all that great.

I've also seen someone go by their married name, maiden name, and mother's maiden name for different purposes. It was kinda strange, but it sorta worked.

Personally, I am probably going to take Ben's last name because it's just way easier to deal with as far as forms are concerned and with kid stuff later. Schools seem to have issues with parents and kids having different last names, maybe it's gotten better over the years, but still a hassle. For professional work, like my writing (when and if I get published) I am keeping the Stevenson... it's a famous name, and that way if I somehow hit the big time I won't have my students figuring out who I am until I retire early from being rich, lol.

Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 682 days
Last activity: 265 days
Posted on 08-23-11 12:29 PM Link | Quote
Actually, I was wondering what you would do, Elara. I remember you saying that you were actually related to the "actual" Stevenson. Makes sense that it's easier. I mean, like Belial said, I'm sure it's a pain in the ass in case of a divorce. When my grandparents divorced, my gram kept "Babe" (although she admitted that it was because she REALLY liked it, and my grandpop's sister insisted that they all get along and still be friends, and punched my grandpop in the face when he tried telling her not to keep it. Yeah...runs in the family.)

But at the same time...I don't think people will get married and HOPE for a divorce, so I guess it's one of those pains that comes along with something uncontrolably unfortunate happening.
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 8 hours
Posted on 08-23-11 01:22 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Elara
I know a few women who have changed their middle name to their maiden name when they married so they could keep it. It only works some of the time, obviously... I don't think Crystle Stevenson Chernik would sound all that great.

Yeah, that's why I didn't know my mom had a middle name before marrying Dad. She just dropped it and now her name is Lucy Yap Amarantus.

Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 08-24-11 10:31 PM Link | Quote
Yeah, Lindsey did that too... Lindsey Buchanan Chrisman... works for her.

Honestly, what keeps you from having two middle names so you keep whatever one you had originally? It used to be common even. Hmn... Crystle Lea Stevenson Chernik... what do you think?
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 1 day
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Posted on 09-29-11 11:56 PM Link | Quote
So I got really bored today and Googled "Christine Demaria" to see if there was anyone else with the name. Yeah... yeah, there are tons of Christine Demarias in the world (at least a ton, I'm sure put together they come out to at least 2,000 pounds ).

I'm the only person in the world with my name, as far as I can tell, and I kind of like it being that way.


(Last edited by Rogue on 04-03-12 02:33 AM)
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 09-30-11 08:47 PM Link | Quote
See, just because of how my name is spelled, I'm guaranteed to be a minority no matter what my last name is. It's kinda cool, really.
Twilight Sparkle









Since: 06-01-11
From: Equestria

Since last post: 2538 days
Last activity: 2202 days
Posted on 10-03-11 05:41 AM Link | Quote
My mom was going to do a hyphenated name when she mrried my dad, but he said that the only thing he could give her was his name. So she took it.

Which s really romantic, I think. (Too bad he turned out to be an abusive douche.)

For me, personally, I'm on the fence.

I hate my last name, for the same reason as Nelrith. I mean, Cook isn't nearly as common as Johnson, but it's still pretty darn common. So is the name I used all growing up, Noble (My aforementioned father's name. I have my mom's maiden name).

I really wish I had my biological father's name, just because my name would be so darn pretty. Julia Melene Rose. I love it. My mom says she wouldn't give him that satisfaction, though.

So that's my reasoning for wanting to change my name.

My reasoning for wanting to KEEP my name, is because there aren't any male Cooks in my family descended from my Grandfather. I think it'd be kinda cool if I kept our family name going.
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 1 day
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Posted on 10-03-11 11:33 AM Link | Quote
Cook is actually not all that common from what I know... plus, you can do the whole Captain Cook connection. Noble just makes me think of Doctor Who. And yeah, Rose is a pretty last name.

Nothing keeps you from changing it to whatever you want though.

I do relate on the keeping the name alive. I'm my dad's only child, and he was my grandfather's only son... there might be some more distant cousins with the name, but I haven't met them. I wouldn't really give a damn if we weren't related to Robert Louis Stevenson... because let's face it, Stevenson (while not as common as some names) is pretty common and not all that exciting.

What the hell was with them in the past anyway... son of Steven, son of John, son of *insert male name here*??

There are times though, we I do want to change my middle name to a better spelling... my folks decided to name me "Lea"... which is pronounced lee. Leigh... ugh... but it is unique.
Twilight Sparkle









Since: 06-01-11
From: Equestria

Since last post: 2538 days
Last activity: 2202 days
Posted on 10-03-11 09:52 PM Link | Quote
OMIGAWD. MY SISTER'S NOT THE ONLY ONE. O.O

Her name is Megan Lea Sierra, with the "Lea" pronounced "Lee," too. XD I thought my parents were just weird. XD
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

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Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 10-03-11 10:51 PM Link | Quote
WHAT?!?!?!

... I'm not the only one? Holy shit!

Mine was a total accident though. They liked Lee... but according to my mom "L-e-e is a boy's spelling" so my dad suggested Lea.

Apparently Leigh never occurred to them. My dad wanted to name me Crystle Blue... I am glad that didn't win.
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