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Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 656 days
Last activity: 239 days
Posted on 02-22-14 12:58 AM Link | Quote
After much deliberation/healing on my part, I've decided to be a little more open about the subject. Hasn't even been a week, but I started a pretty dark path this morning and can't "see" someone until next week about it.

Possibly some TMI so yeah.

6:06pm Sunday, my son was born at 20 weeks, 5 days. He was born alive and lived for a little over five hours but there really wasn't anything they could do.

Everything happened SUPER fast too, so I guess that part is good. Even the physical recovery is happening at a decent speed, given how bad it all got I suppose. 12:30-ish I noticed some bleeding. I was cramping, but had been told since Friday that it was normal (which I truly believe they were right. Doctors I mean. What ultimately happened to me truly is something that happens in an instant. Unless my follow-up says something else was the cause, of course) So, anyway, I went to the hospital and was being examined by 1:30(The hospital itself wasn't too close, but its the best in the area for high risk, which was me anyway.) they were telling me that I was in labor and they were going to put me on IV to try and stop it while they figure out the cause.

Incompetent cervix or uterine issues are a "typical" cause. The worst part was, I was feeling him kicking around the night before, and they did an ultrasound before examining me, and he was moving around a shit ton like usual. Perfectly fine. Just hanging out in there and shit. Then they examined me and I was dilated a bit and was dilating fast. By 2pm, the pain was bad enough for me to bend one of the metal tube things next to the bed with my bare hand and everyone was rushing around. My temperature was skyrocketing at that point and I was losing A LOT of blood. No one had time to tell me what was going on and I was fading a little. Finally, one nurse said she'd give me something for pain, and went near my IV. I managed to ask her what she was giving me and she said morphine.

At that point I grabbed a hold of my IV and threatened to rip it right out if they didn't calm the hell down and tell me what was going on (this I only remember vaguely.) and the nurse told me that the medicine to stop labor wasn't working and that the baby was coming and that if they didn't break my water that I was going to get an infection and could possibly die. My fever was REAL high at that point too, which I did not realize.

But, I wasn't completely out of it, so legally, they had to slow down at my wish and explain things in detail. They told me that in this case, they typically try to stop labor, sew me up a bit if need be, and keep me until 23-24 weeks and deliver then. I told them to do that. They ended up transferring me to labor and delivery anyway because labor wasn't stopping per se, my cervix said "fuck you" and there was nothing anyone could do. By 5pm, most of my vitals dropped so much that an executive decision was made by my boyfriend to break my water and get the baby out and get me on track for taking care of the infection.

Mind you, most of this story is from finally putting things together from my boyfriend, the doctors/nurses/staff, and my sister (this happened to her. Twice. Only the first time the baby survived and we brought him home and he died two weeks later. I was in the house with her. I was 12. Needless to say, she wasn't staying home when she found out where I was). My memory blanks from about 1pm-5-something. I remember having to push once, nothing happened, and then a few minutes later, I felt the baby coming and here he was.

They put him in my arms after immediately taking him to see if they could do anything, and we just laid there until after 11, while they pumped a shit ton of stuff through my IV.

This is exactly why I didn't tell most people right away, but I honestly thought I was in the clear. As much as can be at least.

The cause isn't known just yet. They know that my cervix was the cause, but there's multiple issues there. Basically they determined that at 13 ounces, that was actually too heavy for me. I'm not built for having babies, regardless of having PCOS or not (which is also another cause they're looking into, my polycystic ovarian syndrome.), and they think I can't ever carry full-term anyway, but at least 33-34 weeks with special care until then seems doable, with the limited info they have now.

Also, I keep testing positive for ANA disorders. Which is common, especially in pregnancy, but after three positives they took a more serious test and that came up positive as well. I was supposed to get more tests this past Monday, but yeah. I did name the baby though and we get to have a little service thing for him, which makes the rest of my family feel better. The hard part will probably be come July, his due date. Lots of family are having kids. Two of my boyfriend's cousins. One was due the day after, the other two weeks after mine, and my niece's date is still June 23rd. (Mine was July 1st). My niece is pretty messed up over this too and I've spent more time feeling terrible about that. I raised my nieces and nephews. They'll always be my babies too, so its felt more instinctual to fuss over her feelings than my own.
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 22 hours
Last activity: 22 hours
Posted on 02-22-14 11:08 AM Link | Quote
You are one incredibly strong woman.

It took a great deal of courage to go through this, let alone share it with us.

I'm so sorry this happened, especially to such a sweet friend.

I wish I could be there to provide hugs, a shoulder, and an ear in person. I don't really know what to say, but we're always here to listen. ALWAYS.


Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 52 days
Last activity: 52 days
Posted on 02-22-14 02:58 PM Link | Quote
*huggles*

I cannot image how you feel at the moment... but like Rogue said, you are incredibly strong. Of course, we always knew you had balls of steel so that isn't really surprising, now is it? I am also hear to listen if you need some more time to vent. Otherwise, I provide long-distance hugs.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 656 days
Last activity: 239 days
Posted on 03-04-14 05:36 PM Link | Quote
Thanks you two.

They figured out a little more, and to be honest, while they're still testing, it sounds like an episode of "House".

Its only been a little over two weeks, but feels like forever. Things were going pretty well, but apparently I relapsed in the infection, couldn't go back to work and have been in and out of that place more often than I can count. I gave them a real hard time though because there were just a few things my gut was telling me. I'm NOT looking to blame anyone. That doesn't help, but there are certain things that I felt that were actually confirmed.

For one, they didn't take the necessary precaution during the entire pregnancy that they should have, for my PCOS. They apparently never took me seriously about it because I'm not overweight and that's one of the PCOS symptoms. However, there IS a link between women having issues with low sugar levels and PCOS that causes weight LOSS. Which is my issue. I can't gain a pound for the life of me, I lose 3 to every one I try to get, and I get very sick very often. It is NOT something I'm doing on purpose and it is something that thanks to the way thinness is portrayed, it was difficult to take myself seriously and get taken seriously until I started getting really sick from it, which is only within the last two-three years or so. But anywho. I went off on them when I found that out. Incredibly ballistic. Its hard treating PCOS sometimes anyway, so legally there's nothing I can do and I don't want it to come to that anyway. They didn't neglect. They just didn't look for things deemed unworthy of looking for (which turned out to be there. If I'm making any sense here at all. I babble.)

Another, I told them to explain to me what was going on with the ANA crap. I still have to wait until my six week follow-up for better answers, but they basically said this. Its standard to test for STDs and shit. I tested positive for Syphilis (This is where the House episode comes in.), they said that a false positive is common in pregnant woman, but when they did the same test again, it came up positive again. Mind you, I look at this shit from a health/scientific perspective. Its easy to fix and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I knew I couldn't have had it before dating Matt. I was cheated on twice and specifically got myself tested after both times. But since Matt was my first after the last test, I asked him to get tested. He was negative, so that led them to ordering a special test. Syphilis came up negative but antinuclear antibodies/ana/autoimmune disorders came up. They did the fourth test which is the one I'm waiting on to help us figure it out more. They're leaning toward Lupus or Type 1 Diabetes. (Type 1 is considered an autoimmune disorder.) which would make sense at least. I've been tested for diabetes my whole life, had issues with sugar and while a clear positive never showed up, I was off and on insulin my whole life. Also, PCOS can cause type 2, BUT, type 1 can cause PCOS, and PCOS often shows up first in this case. But then right around 19-20, I stopped having as many problems with that stuff. Several other issues point to diabetes. Macular degeneration in my right eye is so bad that its unheard of for someone my age who ISN'T a diabetic to have it. Also, my kidneys don't function too well. They're looking into that as a precaution, but that's also a diabetic thing for someone my age.

**sigh** Its just all really really complicated and the basic turn of events is loss of the baby was most likely not very spontaneous and between unchecked diabetes/other ana disorder it was bound to happen. But as far as blame is concerned, my sister is frustrated with me for not blaming them, everything about the "cause" points toward something that's difficult to diagnose to begin with. Diabetes alone can mask itself as many different issues, hence why its known as a "hidden disease", and what can you do?

They also enjoy impressing upon me that my "clock" is ticking, due to my reproductive issues, so I'm not gonna lie, I'd probably actually try this time as soon as I'm medically cleared to have children. IF at all.
Rogue
If you're reading this... You are the Resistance











Since: 08-17-04

Since last post: 22 hours
Last activity: 22 hours
Posted on 03-04-14 07:12 PM Link | Quote
And I wish you boatloads of luck when you do try again.

Yeah, I can definitely see how this would equate to a "House" case, especially with how often they screwed up diagnoses each episode.

The reproductive system is a crazy thing. One of my bestest friends was told she could never carry to term, and she had miscarried several times in her life. She was in such denial that she could ever have a child that she ended up having one of those "I Didn't Even Know I Was Pregnant" babies, with her water breaking while getting a check-up because she didn't know why she had such horrible abdominal pain.

What's more Brandon's aunt finally had a baby after years of trying and having to go through the trauma of aborting once because the one she was carrying had a one-in-a-million spinal disease that would have caused it to be stillborn when it would come out.

And one of my dad's clients just got back from South America, where she had to go to have in-vitro done, and after many years of trying she's finally pregnant at 42.

Miracles happen and if you are determined to have a child, I believe in you.


(Last edited by Rogue on 03-05-14 05:38 PM)
Elara

Divine Mamkute
Dark Elf Goddess
Chaos Imp
Penguins Fan

Ms. Invisable








Since: 08-15-04
From: Ferelden

Since last post: 52 days
Last activity: 52 days
Posted on 03-04-14 08:35 PM Link | Quote
While you might have given them a hard time, I am sure they are actually glad that you understood enough to not be suing them right now... I don't know if I could have maintained the level head to do that. I mean, it may not be intentional neglect, but you told them you had a condition and they ignored it... I assume you had it in your medical records from an earlier diagnosis (since no one just says, "Hey, I've decided I have PCOS, a disease that 9/10 people have probably never heard of.") so it isn't like they could not have verified it. The diabetes thing, yeah, that I understand since there was little chance of them knowing about that without putting you through all of these tests.

Your family didn't pull the "clock is ticking" thing right after a miscarriage, right? That would just be unbearably cruel.

But yes, you keep on those doctors and make sure they know everything that is going on with you. Then when you are ready, I send you all the luck I can summon. And if one doctor screws up, we will be there to hold them down while you get the baseball bat.
Katana

Dark Wizard
\"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"








Since: 08-15-04
From: Philadelphia, P.A.

Since last post: 656 days
Last activity: 239 days
Posted on 03-04-14 08:56 PM Link | Quote
Ahahaha. No baseball bat needed. I have bony knuckles.

But no, my family didn't say that about the clock, the doctors did. But they didn't do it with total insensitivity. They really did mean well and meant it in terms of my telling them "yes" when they asked if I would try again if I could.

But yes, they had my records. I waited until after my first prenatal appointment to get the records to them though so that I knew exactly what they needed. But they had everything within the week after the appointment. Which is why turned into a real asshole toward them when I found out they didn't really take me seriously. PCOS can affect women in sooooo many different ways, and mine is fairly mild actually. They think my other problems are stemming from diabetes. However, women with known cases with PCOS need to be monitored during pregnancy because you don't know how it could affect it. In my case, for example, part of the reason why I didn't tell anybody I was pregnant (my family didn't even find out until before Christmas) was I went through two "scares". One, they thought the baby could have been tubal but I had to wait until 10 weeks to know for sure. Then at 11 weeks, they didn't get anything. No heartbeat or anything. That was because I had a fairly large cyst and they told me I might have to abort because babies can't thrive in that sort of environment.

So, Rogue, what your friend went through is absolutely terrible. I can't believe she had to go through that. Knowing the kid is fine at the moment, whether you're looking at the screen and the baby is moving still, or you're being told that the baby, while moving and having a heartbeat NOW, will be born stillborn...shit...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Its all so freaking complicated. I seriously at this point wish it WAS syphilis somehow. Penicillin will clear that right up. But no...its hard to find shit that gives false results for everything else under the sun.
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