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New link in the top of page "IRC Chat". |
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| Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by Elara |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable          Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| I agree that you move too fast in some parts. It is an interesting mix, a bit too trendy for my taste, but I am curious to see where you go with this. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| I've been avoiding the sun myself. But yeah, faire plans this year are for May 3rd. Hope you can make it, we got a newbie this year. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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You were there? Story time!
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That really sucks that you were robbed FX, I mean... holy shit. Any hope of catching the people that did it?
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Fuck you, shitty internet connection... turtles move faster!
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Fuck you County of Los Angeles! How the hell can only 2/10 Lifescan machines be working? I don't want to have to drive to Van Nuys to get my damn fingerprints taken just so I can get a job. Fuck you mom, for continuing to treat me like I am 12 Fuck you, ex boyfriend that I dumped five years ago... move the fuck on already!!! Fuck you jacket pockets for catching on every thing in site!
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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I think I may submit for the adaptation portion, but school just won't give me the free time I need to get a decent story done for first round, so I will just be judging. I'm just glad the domain problem is over with now. |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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I'm kinda divided about this. I liked the cartoon but I really don't know how I will like this version, especially given the tendencies of the Wachowski brothers. |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Baseball bat is too good for him... that is fucking sick. |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Fine by me, I had a feeling that the domain stuff was going to cause delays. |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Interesting story, and something very different from what you usually write. I am sure that the word limit caused the rushed feeling I felt, but I think that you did well within the restrictions of the contest. The only things that really stood out as needing fixing is the run on sentences and overuse of commas at the beginning... also a bit of repetitiveness, however I assume that is the flavor of the narrator, and that it would be better once the word limit was removed. Lastly, the description of the shooting seemed odd to me, I thought he was pinned against the wall... how could he pull the shotgun to him and fire frontally at his father? Overall though, much improved from last time and I want to see the rest.
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Creativity: 9/10 Spelling: 9/10 Grammar: 7/10 Plot: 8/10 Character: 8/10 Total: 41/50
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Definitely different I must say. I wish I bit more could have been given on who Hal was and where he came from, but word limit and domain problems can do that. Good visual detail, and nice method of story flow. I did however feel the ending was too clean... no one asked how the man died? What murders? How did the man get behind him?
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Creativity: 9/10 Spelling: 10/10 Grammar: 10/10 Character: 7/10 Plot: 9/10 Total: 45/50
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Honestly, I found it interesting but at the same time as soon as I read the first part I already had Eli Wiesel's Night in mind. I guess I feel that you could have been a bit more creative there, the Evan character was more original. The descriptions were good, as they usually are with your writing, and I noticed the same little typos but nothing major. To tell the truth, I think your entry last time was better over all, though I really like the concept of this one with the comparison of D-Day and a Concentration Camp. A great job!
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Creativity: 8/10 Spelling: 9/10 Grammar: 9/10 Character: 8/10 Plot: 9/10 (I feel the use of these events is timely given the anniversary of Israel's founding) Total: 43/50
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Spelling is there because people still mess up. Also, it counts as spelling error when you use the wrong form of the word (their instead of there and whatnot). I feel that you had the space to go into a bit more description to make the twist at the end a bit better, but for doing this in an hour I must say that I am impressed. I liked the plot, but then again I am always a sucker for fantasy... could have also gone into a bit more back story with the Wizards in Hiding and the Warlocks, as well as the character himself. I think this would be good if you were to give it a rewrite after the competition.
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Creativity: 9/10 Spelling: 10/10 Grammar: 8/10 Character: 7/10 (could've described better) Plot: 7/10 Total: 41/50
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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A few of the sentences came across oddly to me but otherwise I am really impressed with this one. The plot was very interesting, the character well developed and the innocence that he exhibits at the end was actually touching. Honestly I think this is one of the best things you've written.
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Creativity: 10/10 Spelling: 10/10 Grammar: 9/10 Character: 9/10 (I would have liked to know his name) Plot: 10/10 Total: 48/50 Edit: Math while sleepy is bad (Last edited by Elara on 05-15-08 04:04 AM)
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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Holy shit, that is horrible! Is there a YMCA or something like that where you can at least get a roof over your head? Well, at least you will have work to get you some money so that you might be able to rent a room or something. |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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When is deadline for judgments and entries to be in? |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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A bit late, but a happy birthday nonetheless. Blame my professors for my tardiness. |
Elara |
Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days
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So I saw it this past Monday... holy shit it was amazing! I want the soundtrack, first of all. Jeff Bridges played his part amazingly, Robert Downey, Jr. was just perfect at Tony... and that suit was badass. Gwyneth Paltro managed to not seem like Gwyneth Paltro playing Pepper Pots but actually just the character and I was rather impressed with that because there have been times when I can't really see the character, just her playing it.
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Also, the little bit after the credits was awesome and I cannot wait for the next one! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Xeogaming Forums - - Posts by Elara |
