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| Cteno Posts: 1352/3416 |
Update: We've still been friends and we've been talking to each other about our feelings and problems, and long story short, she recognizes that moving back in with her ex was a bad idea, but she's going to ignore her feelings for a little while and focus on herself. We want to leave this town behind and move to Salem in about 6 months.
Vulkar, the advice you've given me has been amazing! I've been walking all over town and it's been clearing my head big time. And it's true, my focus DOES determine my reality! |
| Lord Vulkas Mormonus Posts: 3609/4541 |
Alright man, a few things...
On goals: Set up a a very rigorous exercise program. I say this for many reasons, first off because its challenging, second because you can do it even when you're really distracted with someone, and third, because its healthy. It also releases endorphins into your blood that will make you happier, making you feel better in life. I had a friend who discovered that his brother was a pedophile, among other far more disturbing things that I won't get into, and went into a depression for literally over a year. He got into Call of Duty and literally played for over 30 hours a week. His grades went down, his social life diminished, etc. You know what got him out of it? Exercise. Do it. On suicide: I'm sure that the usual arguments have either already been posted, or already gone through your head, but I'm going to say them anyway. Your life might not be perfect now. In fact, judging by what you've said already, your life could be a lot better. I say this because recognizing the problem is important if you ever want to work through this. But while recognizing this, you should instead think about what's good in your life. You have friends, you have enough social skills to make good enough friends for someone to want to live with you after a month. You ability for an education. Once you have that, I want you to never dwell on anything negative in your life for more than a minute. Its hard, and it takes a huge amount of self control, but if you're concentrating on what's making you unhappy, you're just going to be in more pain. Instead, distract yourself. Play a video game, watch TV, read a book. Just don't dwell on the bad. As a great jedi put it, "your focus determines your reality." If you focus on what you don't like, it'll be the only part of reality that matters to you. This is why I never post here in Sunset Waterfall, I just look at my problem, do what I can, and then concentrate on other things. On your current problem: Honestly, all I can really advise is that you be her friend, make sure she knows that whatever happens, she realizes that you're her friend, more than just a new relationship. |
| Elara Posts: 5823/9736 |
Damn straight, as one of the oldest girls on the board I have to dish out the tough love eventually.
But yeah, anyway I am glad you are feeling better. And yes, do not dwell on the what ifs because they will drive you mad. |
| Phoenixocracy Posts: 979/2746 |
Originally posted by Gunmetal Valhalla 
Jealousy is going to happen, man. But you're right--don't dwell on that stuff. It'll get you nowhere besides right back to square one. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better today. Just take it easy for now. Like Vince and Elara said, small steps. Things that are easily accomplished. |
| Cteno Posts: 1251/3416 |
I'm screwed... Elara won't let me play in the street... 
Today is going a lot better than yesterday, I'm not feeling depressed but I definitely feel jealousy, which I didn't realize that I was feeling yesterday. I don't know... What if she met me before she met him? Bah, not something I need to be dwelling upon. It's none of my business. |
| Elara Posts: 5821/9736 |
Yeah, baby steps are key for this. Start small, like watching a movie or reading a book. Something just for you. My advice as far as she goes, stop talking to her now and wash your hands of it. There is nothing more you can do there, and it is not worth your time.
But yeah, reading, drawing, etc are good goals. Fall semester is starting up, see if you can get into a new class, like dance or tennis or a different kind of art class. Something fun and challenging. Also, consider seeing a therapist for the depression, especially since you keep feeling suicidal. Your friends that cut ties with you are insensitive fucktards that don't understand what depression is and you are better off without them. Believe me. We care about you and want you to get better, and all of us are here to listen when you need us, but we understand that you need some time off. I just hope our suggestions help. And as always, if I find out you jumped into traffic or something I will show up and kick your butt! Ph34r My Wr47h! And no, I don't know why I slipped into l337. |
| Squire Vince Posts: 206/1586 |
Rent a movie tomorrow. Set time aside to rent it, watch it. First goal set. You just have to meet it. Be the greatest Gunmetal Badass, ever! The longest journeys start with a small step. Set a lot of small goals that you can meet easily. Maybe ask a friend to go to a movie, or go to dinner. It's your life don't let something small ruin it. Take charge, love will find you when you're ready and when it's ready. don't force it just let it flow to you. |
| Cteno Posts: 1247/3416 |
You guys make more sense than I ever could... Thanks. You know, I really need to change. I don't want to be an asshole, I just can't turn myself into something like that. I need to set goals and feel some accomplishment but I'm somewhat unsure where to start... |
| Phoenixocracy Posts: 963/2746 |
Valhalla, do not kill yourself. I know I haven't exactly known you for long (or ever, if you want to get technical), but you're a nice guy. Like Rogue said, there are very few nice guys left, most being driven insane by things like this. I knew people that were nice as could be, and it changed once they got hurt. In one case, someone I knew stopped being nice and turned into an asshole for the sole purpose of getting a girlfriend. He still doesn't have one.
My point is, someone will find you. I word it that way because the best things happen when you aren't looking. I know from experience. You may not have a girlfriend now, but someone will find you. Just go out and have fun. I know it's hard, especially when you feel the way you do, but stop caring about what other people think. Don't give up your personality, but you need to please yourself sometimes and stop worrying about others. While what you are doing for this girl is amazing, it does nothing but hurt you. I'm not saying to ditch her, but chances are that she will be going back to him. Don't stop talking to her, unless it does nothing but upset you. The best thing that you both need is a friend. Build a friendship before a relationship. Let her know that you are better than her current boyfriend, and show her that you aren't changing. That you can be there for her when she needs someone. It's going to be hard, but it's something that will help. If she still wants nothing to do with you, just let her know that your home is always open.Girls are drawn to assholes for some reason, especially after being in a relationship like that. They get used to being controlled and can't handle the idea of their own free will, even if it's something they desperately want. I've known girls like this, and it's troublesome, to say the least. However, it isn't the end. Be kind to her as you have been. Go out and do things for yourself, though. Play music, draw, make a porno--whatever makes you happy. The only way to stop being depressed is to make yourself stop. Nothing is going to help but you. Accomplish some goals that will make you feel better about yourself. You can get through this, without injury. And don't worry about not being on the board, man. As much as you are missed, your life is more important. This may sound weird, but if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always PM me for my number. |
| Cteno Posts: 1246/3416 |
She is leaving, that's what got me upset to begin with. Everything I do now seems to exacerbate the situation even more, she just basically told me to go fuck myself. Well, sorry for trying to help.
I'm feeling like I shouldn't even have to try on behalf of others anymore. I rarely get appreciation for it and it's just too much effort for people who don't care about me. |
| Rogue Posts: 5907/11918 |
OK, first and foremost: DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. Everything might seem like it's turned to shit, but things DO get better. Just like they can get worse. That's life. It ebbs and flows, but time heals. I swear it does.
Someday you'll have a girlfriend, maybe even a wife, and you'll be happy and you'll smirk when you look back on how sad you thought you were. Love is a shifty mistress. She likes to come along and stab you in the chest and leave you right after she made you feel 10 stories tall and on top of the world. Just think, though, something that made you this sad must have made you really happy at one time and you WILL be that happy again (most likely with another person). We love you and we want the best for you, Valhalla. Secondly, women sometimes just flock to douches and it can't be helped. For some reason, our species likes being around people who act like they don't need them. That's why we have bullshit rules about not calling people to soon, not saying "I love you" until such-and-such time, and to avoid being clingy, and so on. It's why a lot of nice guys become assholes, which is horrifyingly tragic. Now, you've only met this girl over the past month and she's LIVING with you? It's great that you're bonding with her son and all, but you really need to remove either her or you from this situation. Whatever bullshit that's going down between her and her boyfriend is their business and it seems like she's involving you in a situation that you do not deserve to be destroyed by. Explain to her that what she's doing is not fair to you and that if she's going to continue to treat you like she is (I mean, she's living with you and is on the verge of not speaking to you? WTF?) she needs to leave. All this is doing is hurting you and that, my friend, is not fair. |
| Cteno Posts: 1245/3416 |
Well... Over the last month, I found a new friend. She was in a bind. She was with a douchebag asshole who never said thank you, said that he'd like to see her kid dead, was just a complete dick to her in general. Well, we became friends over Facebook and we started a D&D group. It eventually winded down to her leaving him and hooking up with me and I thought I had found love again... I was wrong.
2 days after we got together, she decided that she wanted to break up so she could get her head together, which I was totally fine with. She even said that she was still in love with that asshole, which I could understand... But now she wants to actually go back to him and it's tearing me apart. I tried being giving. I watched after and bonded with Jaidyn (her son). I tried to show her the appreciation that she deserved. All of my caring was thrown back into my face, apparently I need to only care about myself. Here's the kicker: I was planning on killing myself when she messaged me. I had lost multiple friends because they couldn't stand my "bitching". Well, I'm sorry I have depression! They said that I was sad for no reason and that I needed to grow up... but they just could never fucking understand. I don't need a reason to be upset, it just fucking happens! The feeling of abandonment on top of that sent me over the edge. I was going to sneak out when everybody fell asleep and either jumped out in traffic or off a bridge or something... She saved my fucking life... but now I'm feeling quite volatile again, now she has abandoned me too. She's still living with me but I know that it's only a matter of time before she stops talking to me altogether. I feel like I really fucked up big time but I can't for the life of me think of what I did! I could really use a friend right now... I'm sorry I took off for so long but I've really been having a tough time with my life. |
