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| Elara Posts: 6214/9736 |
I don't think you overreacted, family visits are good for dealing with bad times. Your mother... and your sister for that matter.... are selfish. If your step-dad was furloughed and that had her upset, then why did your sister choose right then to move out if she knew it would set her off?
I still say go with a letter... you could use it to talk about your feelings on this communications barrier. I mean, you could try to corner her in person but I don't think that would work out too well. Or, you could cut your losses and ignore her and all the drama, and just find some better confidants to talk to in her place. |
| True Flight Posts: 4455/5245 |
I talked to my sister about this. I left out of Columbus Sunday. I waited all day for a text message or even a call from my mother. Nothing. So I left. I talked to my sister about the issue last night and she told me that I was probably over reacting. She even told me that "this was a bad time" for a visit because of my step dad being furlowed(sp?). So I just left out. She and I have been having this huge communication barrier:
A. I never call... she calls my sister, she calls my brother, she even sends messages to my grandmother. Over the ENTIRE deployment she could've sent me several messages. We have a family blog on posterous for crying out loud. B. I am married to Dinkle (my mother's name for Eric). Yeah we have an IMMENSE amount of issues... well subscriptions to fix because I left that behind when I left out. C. She's paranoid. She has this fear of me hating her for her entire life. Good grief... I don't hate her, I love her to death cuz she's my mother. However, I am having a huge problem with this "empty nest" syndrome. That reminds me... how did my brother get out of this? Honestly... I moved FURTHER NORTH than him. This entire problem has caused me to have a hard time eating when ever the subject among other subject is brought up.... |
| Elara Posts: 6206/9736 |
Take a deep breath... calm? Good.
I would write her a formal letter and mail it. Explain that you love her and were trying to reach out to her...again... for her wisdom and advice on an extremely important matter, then remind her of what she did. Don't be accusatory, just state facts. She was mad at your sister and she redirected that anger at you, which was undeserved and unappreciated. Point out that this is not the first time, perhaps site examples, and state that this was the final straw and that you are tired of taking the abuse generated by her frustrations at your sister, your father, or anyone else. Let her know that if she regrets her actions and wishes to save her relationship with you that your door is open and you are willing to hear her; but until that day you will not be contacting her again. The ball is in her court now, it is up to her to determine how much your relationship means to her. Sign in "love always, your daughter Sarah." Be logical, do not use any accusatory language at all because that will make her defensive. If you do it right, you will hopefully wake her up and shame her. What is important is that she needs to know that you are stronger and more mature than her, and that you will not be treated that way. I found it works well with insane family members, and I wish you luck with it. No matter what, stick to your guns and do not contact her unless she contacts you, unless it is an emergency... a really big emergency. |
| True Flight Posts: 4453/5245 |
Conniving.... Difficult... Argumentative... You name it. That's all she is. I'm so tired of this crap I go through all the time. THE ONE TIME I seriously need my mother's help in a life problem I am having right now. She's the only one that has gone through something similar to this situation and I truly need to understand how she solved it.
My sis says that she's moving out. All of a sudden, I send my mom a text. "Hey let's do our mother daughter date." She sends back. "I'm mad, and I don't feel like talking." ... Thanks Mom. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, CLUELESS. So my sister goes off the deep end with moving out and my mom takes her rage out on me? This has happened countless times. That's it. I give up... Seriously. I'm done. I'm so mad right now, I can barely see. I feel like she's been trying to avoid me too. That's all she does pull me in close, then shoves me out. I'm done. This crap is just far too dramatic for me. |
