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| Elara Posts: 6426/9736 |
A 53 year old black lesbian in the South? How did that work? Did you find it somewhere outside of women seeking women, or just being coy? But yeah, writing the easter bunny for a girlfriend, that is awesome. |
| True Flight Posts: 4533/5245 |
This is NW GA... =P But some of the stuff you see are creative. Just guess what section of the personals I found this in.
If You Hate To Read, Don't Open This! - 53 Date: 2011-04-01, 1:31AM EDT Reply To This Post Dear Easter Bunny, Well, it’s getting’ to be about that time of year again, that time when I write you a letter and tell you what I’m looking for in a sweet, colored gal and as I always say, since neither god nor any other disembodied physical entities exist, I figure that you are my best bet because Rabbits Really DO Exist! So, here we go. What I want is a straight up, sweet, kind, Smart, Black, Lesbian, out woman. (I’m Black, but then you know that by now!) None of those bi-sexual, stud-hating, homophobic, poly “discreet”, hot-messes I’m always reading about. I’m a bow-tie sporting and saddle-shoes wearing, salsa-dancing Negro and been out of the closet too long to be bothering with all that drama. Also, she has to know how write without using all uppercase letters and if she can’t spell, knows how to use spell-check. I cannot abide a blunt-headed commitment to ignorance. Please let her be able to pronounce the word “ask”, unless she’s directly from Africa. And if she’s got country ways, is it too much to ask that she please not be superstitious and believe in haints and conjurin’ and such? And whereas I love femmes and only get involved with femmes, I am not looking for a High Strung, High Femme into High Drama, but I would appreciate her knowing how to punch it up and dress well when the occasion calls for it because I like going to live theater and the opera and out to nice restaurants sometimes. A lot of people know me, so no wrinkled cargo pants and, and no Tevas or Birkenstocks with socks to call herself "dressed up" in. If she wants to dig around in the yard dressed like that, then fine. I’ll probably wear my Carhaarts, redwings, a tee-shirt and my favorite ratty hat and join her. Can you find me this kind of woman, Easter Bunny? By the way, even though I look kind of artistic (I am an employed musician – and no, that is not an oxymoron and yes, that is my day job) complete with nose ring, bald head, and sporting a retro dress style, I am a square, so I like my women square too. I am strictly monogamous so “No Sex B-4 We Test!” This part is non-negotiable. Any woman that I would get serious about must be monogamous because it’s not going to go anywhere between us if she’s a sleep-around sort of gal. All kinds of critters hide out in caves and I want to know what I’m likely to find there before I go spelunking... That said, I like a woman who enjoys sex. The last one you sent me seemed to only get aroused when she saw me lying on my back under her bathroom sink, or when I was bent over under the hood of her car. Now, I admit, I’m looking for a wife-type but she could be a nice blend of wife/ artist of some kind too, maybe she has an MFA in Art or Literature or something that keeps her interesting to talk to. Can you just not make her be weird I mean, she can have a reasonable number of idiosyncrasies, but nothing bizarre like hanging out at séances or seeing “malevolent spirits” walking around or falling out and talking gibberish. Also, could she not need a night- light? Or have an exaggerated startle-reflex? Thanks. I ‘preciate it! Integrity is really sexy to me. Can she have a high level of personal integrity, please? Oh, and I don't like sarcasm unless it's deftly played and is pointed at situations instead of people. Regular catty remarks about other women is a definite turn-off. Now, I am clearly butch, but I’ll say that my fashion impulses kind of puts me in the metro-sexual, “butch-in-a-bookish sort of way” gender category. Yet I am no “boi”, I am no bottom and I am no “femme in the sheets.” I think my vibe is sort of a blend of a working-class/middle-class gentleman type. I open doors, stand up when my woman enters the room for the first time, flip the switches when the power blows, don’t generally swear in her presence (but not above talking dirty when being intimate), put the gas in the tank when we go out together, jump the battery even if she’s the one who left the cabin light on in the car, select wines for dinner and so on. But I expect her to be competent in many things and I will often defer to her expertise. So, what do you think, E.B? Do I stand a snowballs’ chance in Hell’s kitchen of finding such a one and of her being into me? The last one, you sent, found me interesting, it seemed in a “petri-dish” sort of way, but I wouldn’t say she was passionate about me, so could the next one really be into me? Since I’m not perfect, a woman would have to find me compelling to want to put up with me. I kind of hard-headed, kind of controlling, but I melt under the hand of a genuinely sweet, kind woman. I’m real affectionate and tender and I am generous with great massages, like to slow dance with my woman on the spur of the moment in the kitchen or on the back porch, don’t hold grudges (for too long) and I’m super romantic and I enjoy cooking too. Especially for her. And her mama. So, anyway, I know that this was waaaaayyyyy long and that you are busy ‘cause Easter Sunday will be here before you know it, but since I’m not ordering something as simple as eggs, I thought it would be fair to let you get a jump on things - no pun intended. Oh, one more thing, since we’re talking eggs here and I’m 53, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t bring me no spring chickens…former egg layers okay though! Love You Easter Bunny, And Happy April Fools Day. You Know Who. |
| Elara Posts: 6420/9736 |
You just peruse the personal ads for fun? Well, I suppose it beats Facebook games, lol. But yeah, wow. I love Craigslist. |
| True Flight Posts: 4532/5245 |
You find the weirdest stuff on Criagslist just perusing around in the personals in different states. THis was in Alaska. |
| Elara Posts: 6417/9736 |
That is rather epic. How did you fine this? |
| Katana Posts: 3083/3649 |
AhahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I do quite thoroughly enjoy this gentleman's sense of humor. Although I do believe this IS a manhunt. XD Giving them a false sense of security with humor. Aahahaha. |
| Kaijin Surohm Posts: 1781/1852 |
Oh... my... god o.o
Atleast he has a sense of humor? I'd be too damn greedy and start a man hunt personally, but... wow. |
| True Flight Posts: 4530/5245 |
not the serial killer but this is a personal ad from Alaska
to the dude(s) banging my wife (a-town) Date: 2011-03-16, 9:52AM AKDT Reply To This Post I know, I know... it’s a sweet piece ain’t it. That thing she does with her tongue.... OMG (you’re welcome... I taught her that) Hell, I’d be hitting that right now if a trip to Prov last year didn’t change all that. Luckily a shot in the butt and a few pills took care of it, but from what I know now... I could have been much worse. I’d kick her to the curve in a second, but she really is a good Mom. I know I'm gone a lot, but a guy has to work. She knew before we got married I'd be gone two weeks every month, and she sure doesn't complain about the paycheck. I just have a few favors, common courtesy if you will, AND a little advise. I’m not sure if you’re that APD cruiser guy that’s comes by or the airman or from what my neighbor lady tells me any number of guys, but: 1. please trim, shave, wax, “manscape” or whatever it takes. Those short red/black/brown curlies I keep finding are creeping me out, and I’m getting sick of boiling my sheets every time I get home from the slope 2.learn to put the seat down and clean up your bad aim. I’m the only guy that lives here, and isn’t me. 3.Stop messing with my Xbox. I don’t get to play it often, but when I do, don’t want to see your score up there.... Yes, “you the man” at Black Ops, and i obviously am not. If her box isn’t enough for you. Shovel the driveway or fix the sink downstairs. I’m not much of a plumber. Maybe one of you are. Thanks in advance. 4.STOP using my lube. It’s my personal JO supply. It’s not expensive, but it is mine. Next time if find some missing there will be some cayenne in there for both your enjoyment. Yah, I guess you could say I’m a bit bitter 5.learn how to reset the browser history on the computer. I’m not into shemales or transexuals, perhaps my wife is now, but I seriously doubt it. 6.Please do not knock her up. I do not want to raise your child. I’ve had a vasectomy and I know she says she’s on the pill....”just to regulate her cycle” Believe me. if you wrap it up, you’ll be much safer. Check the medicine cabinet, or her purse. You’ll find a rx for Valtrex from Carrs. I checked the dosages, it’s not for “cold sores” I’m no doctor but you don’t take 1000mg every day for that. One of you guys gave her the gift that keeps on giving. Luckily I’ve tested clean. I really am a nice guy, and wouldn’t even wish that on Joe Miller. Just in case I bought a box of Magnums and put them in the night stand. (if I know her. You’ll probably need that size) One of you guys with sausage fingers left a gold band.. I’m guessing you’re looking for it. Next time you come over, bring a bottle of Jager and a case of Corona and i’ll tell you where it is. |
