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| Bitmap Posts: 7545/7838 |
So I know its been a good while and let me say first that it has been hard to adapt.
I mean its really hard. I really miss my Aunt, I really do, and I would like to visit her grave site this Christmas to give her some flowers and whatnot. I'm still crying. To this day. I really miss her. |
| Bitmap Posts: 7539/7838 |
Yeah right I just about cried the entire time reading that. |
| True Flight Posts: 4642/5245 |
times like these I wish I wasn't here in MD and there to at least be a good shoulder for you to lean on. Kathy was an awesome person that she was even though I knew her briefly. you made me cry and I could hear who you spoke it as I read her Eulogy. You've always been a great writer. |
| Rogue Posts: 8102/11918 |
That was beautiful, Bitmap.
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| Bitmap Posts: 7537/7838 |
Not really. I mean I said in the testimonial that I was going to miss the daily routine. But I mean it's something we will just have to get over with. You know?
I mean I am still somewhat crying over the whole thing. I saw her in her coffin and I just about exploded when we had to bury her. Could not handle it. |
| Elara Posts: 7377/9736 |
Do you feel better now that you've been through the funeral? |
| Bitmap Posts: 7536/7838 |
Well, I'll say this. After I read this at first when I went up on the podium I said this: "This wasn't easy for me to write. And if that wasn't enough, then it must not be easy to say here today".
Here is the written testimonial: Times like this it's always hard to overcome obsticles in life. Especally when a tragic event such as this enters your life. But the Good Lord always puts obsticles in your path so he can help make you stronger. Not in body, but mentally and spiritually. Today isn't, for me at least, griefing over the loss of my Aunt Kathy. But more or less a celebration that Our God is an awesome God. Kathy was not just an Aunt to me. She was a great friend, a good mentor, a mother, and a guidence in not only my life but just about everyone here today and outside from the people she just so happen to come across. One of the main things about Kathy was that she wasnt afraid to dip her toes in waters she hasnt swam in yet. She would be a natrual to every one of my friends that she met and it always seemed as if they were friends the whole time. Even without meeting them once. This always left her as someone to be desired withing my circle of friends. From Church gatherings, to my friends and I staying up all night listening to loud music and playing videogames, to nights at the waffle house where we woud always look forward to not only her cooking. But her jokes, her amazing charisma, and just being "Aunt Kathy". She was a loving mother. A great grandmother. A wonderful mentor, and a very bright light that would just illuminate. That light was another thing that was so great about her. Was that she trusted God with all her heart and it was obvious that God was moving through her during her walk of life. She was my mentor in learning more about God. I went to a small church with her for a good while. Helping the church grow with what little members we had. But one thing was that with her. I felt comfortable expressing my love for God. That was one of the main things that she taught me. Was to never feel you have to be ashamed to look up to God and praise him. She wasn't afraid of it. Why should I be? In the household. She would always bake cookies for us, tell us tales about her night at the Waffle House, make her many many puzzles, or passed out on the chair watching TV, or sleepwalking, or making her cup of hot water from the coffee pot (In which she really wanted to make coffee). But just about everything she did. We all laughed with her. And it's something that I am going to routinely miss being with her in my house. One thing that I want to express to everyone here today is that it's hard to overcome our loss today. It's not easy getting over it but it's something that we just have to realise. But one thing that I want to point out is that God moved through her. If you want to carry on her legacy, or just remember her for who she was, then it's time to allow God to move through you. One of the most amazing memories I have of her is one night that I will never forget. I was walking past her room one night and I heard this amazing singing. At first, I thought it was coming from the TV. So I knocked on the door. With no answer, I slowly opened up the door and realised that it was coming from her. Both of her arms in the air calling out to God. And I realised that during this entire time. She was asleep. To close this. she was singing the same thing I would like to share with all of you. Our God is an awesome God he reighns. From heaven above with wisdom pow'r and love our God is an awesome God Thank you Aunt Kathy. And praise the Lord that I was able to see your absolutely beautiful power move through her. ___________________________ And then with me crying like crazy. I actually pulled off the song I posted above. Everyone told me that even though the pastor may have brought tears to about 10 people at the feuneral. I caught everyone's tears that day. And Just about everyone wanted to shake my hand and asked me to get a job doing stuff like that. But I guess it was my composure throughout the speech that made everyone cry. From the very get-go I know I sounded like I could burst out in despair at any moment. But I held on as best as I could until the very end. Granted; the very end "Thank you Aunt Kathy. And praise the Lord that I was able to see your absolutely beautiful power move through her." was what killed me. I mean I paused before I started the "Awesome God" lyrics. Just to hold my composure. Because my God did that bring up some memories. But still; I know I did good. And just about everyone wanted a copy of my testimonial. So There. Have it. |
| Elara Posts: 7369/9736 |
Hopefully delivering the eulogy will help bring you closure and let the healing truly begin. I've always been of the mindset that a life should be celebrated, not mourned, once it is gone. I know that you in particular were traumatized by her passing since you made the discovery, so it is especially fitting that the special honor of putting that celebration to words should be yours.
Though her life was shorter than everyone would have liked, it sounds like it was a very rich one, full of love and fun experiences. Remember that, and do not dwell on the end, other than to know she went peacefully in her sleep... something that many can only hope for. She wasn't suffering, wasting away, she was happy. It was a good way to die. |
| Bitmap Posts: 7535/7838 |
I already said that I was going to be publicly speaking during the funeral. I had the honor in doing so due to me being the head of the household.
Kathy, in the utmost respect, was one the main people who brought me to God. And even though for her age would not seem like the type of person to be hip with the friends my age. But she was, and every one of my friends know that she was indeed in with the times. Hell, she even got a chance to watch Akira the movie, and absolutely loved anime in general. She absolutely LOVED Evangelion. I got her to watch not only the series but the first two movies months ago and she literally thought it was better than the Christian movies 'Left Behind' (Which I thought were pretty good movies). But Today I will be writing up a speech that I will share with you all once it's done. It will have to do with my aunt as a person, how she brought me to God, how she was with my friends, how she left her mark in this world, and finally how much she means to me and this family. Also if you have not seen the video. Here it is Youll see me and my dad in some of the photos. Also I will be performing the song "My God is an awesome God" with her son and daughter as the final ceremony. I know this song backwards and forwards and I love doing this song during when i was at church. So it's the least I can do. |
| Yasu Posts: 510/513 |
I'm sorry good sir. A lose in the family is always sad. |
| Bitmap Posts: 7531/7838 |
Just like the cornier said: "It's not like how it is on TV. It will take about a week or two to find out."
Right now the body of my Aunt is in a good feuneral home. I'll be sure to edit this post (Or another in this thread) with the obituary of my aunt's death. Today; has been better than the last few days. However, my aunt's grandchildren came in and they could not stop crying. And I know how they feel. When my grandfather passed away I could not stop crying for about three days. But I did the best thing I could and let them play on my computer for as long as they wanted. It was the least I could do. As for me being the pallbearer(sp?) I declined it. And I will be writing up my speech today to speak during the funeral. I know that in this household we have our tiers and whatnot. But being as the high speaker in the family. it's the most I could do. I have my best friend / brother being the pallbearer for me. To take my place so to speak. I can't seeing a corpse in a funeral. I already had to check to see if she was still alive when I went to go check on her. Here she is |
| Elara Posts: 7357/9736 |
Nelrith - I'm sorry to hear that as well. I was kinda close to my great grandma, and when she passed I fucking lost it.
Bitmap - Did they ever say what the cause of death was? |
| Cteno Posts: 2434/3416 |
I lost my great grandmother yesterday as well, she was 94. I was never too close to her but it still came as a shock nonetheless. |
| Bitmap Posts: 7528/7838 |
I honestly can not stop crying.
Ive been playing WoW and talking with friends and family members but it seems that every now and then this pops in my head: "She is gone". And that just lights me up like a christmas tree. E- I was asked to be the pallbearer (Man carrying the casket on the funeral) and I had to decline. I dont want to have my last memories of her lying in bed passed away, and I absolutely don't want it to be carrying her to her grave. I already seen enough of her corpse and I can not see any more of it. Instead I'll be speaking on behaf of my household in her honor. Currently writing it now. |
| Belial Posts: 565/647 |
The loss of a close family member is hard.. and I'm sorry to hear she has passed on. And as Elara said, so young! Cry your heart out, there's no shame in that. |
| Elara Posts: 7342/9736 |
Oh wow, Bitmap I am so sorry to hear about that! And 56 is still so young!
I am glad to hear that your boss is so awesome about all this, that is something to be thankful for... even though the circumstances around it are less than ideal. *massive huggles* We are all here if you need us. |
| True Flight Posts: 4639/5245 |
I wish my previous boss was that nice. Gotta love TSYS.
I'm glad that you're handling this the best way you can. |
| Bitmap Posts: 7527/7838 |
She died at 56. But to me I knew she lived a good long life. She was happy staying with us and really loved to cook cookies and make puzzles all the time. Usually when my friends come over she loved to talk to them before we all went upstairs into my room.
Getting teared up again. Dad still isnt taking this well at all. I think we're both going to get some drinks tonight and maybe go out to get our mind off of this. Also I talked to my boss and he told me take as much time as I need. Paid for and everything. And he even stopped by my house to give my family a bunch of food from the Olive Garden. Also saying that how much the work place ment to me and that if there was anything we needed to call the store and whatnot. But I think the only thing we need is just time really. |
| Rogue Posts: 8058/11918 |
I'm so sorry, Bitmap. Death is almost always unexpected and unfair.
I hope your Aunt Kathy lived a happy, though sadly shortened, life.  |
| Bitmap Posts: 7525/7838 |
So, at about 1 this morning. Grandmother screamed for me upstairs asking for me to wake my aunt kathy up for work.
Well, ran downstairs, opened up the door, and started yelling at her to get up. Shook her and felt that her arm was cold as ice. Turned on the lights and her eyes were open. Checked her pulse. No pulse. Not gonna lie. I'm kinda freaked out right now. Out of the blue. She's gone. I mean, when I felt her cold arms I knew right away that something wasnt right. I knew in the back of my head that she was gone but I didn't want to believe it. Imagine the pain in me having to turn to grandmother and my dad telling them that she was gone. After I said this, I just walked out and literally broke down a cried. Strange enough she was JUST FINE yesterday! She was walking around. Joking around with us, making her puzzles and whatnot. Then earlier today she just went to bed and never woke up. Mentally, i'm not feeling very well. If there is one thing that freaks me the fuck out is seeing a dead body. But if it's someone who I know personally and I love and care for. That's another thing. I guess I had to be the one to deliver the bad news. Everyone isn't taking it well at all. We all asked what was the probable cause of her death and it was either "Her time to go", or it was heart failure. We'll know eventually. But ive been crying all night and decided to take a few days off. Funeral is this Wednesday. |
