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| Xeogaming Forums - Game Over - I hide a lot of things from my family |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt          Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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| Not gonna spill the beans due to the fact that there are few people that know me personally on here that actually know me. And it's best you probably did not know this side of me.
Anyways, I was over at a friend's house and we were discussing dark secrets with each other and we solemnly swore never to tell another soul. Well, it was my go again, and I went ahead and spilled the beans. You see guys, there are a lot of things you don't know about me. None of it is illegal. None of it is sexual. And none of it has to do with my sexuality. I...just have a weird thing that I do. And I was glad I got it off my chest. Now, I said earlier that I was not going to be telling you guys (Most of it). But it's kinda hard keeping this to myself in front of my family. Which is why I am pretty much closing myself off to a lot of family members and friends to the point now to where I even have to hide stuff when friends come over or when family comes in my room. It's sad. The worst thing about this is that I have been pretty much been acting for the last 6 years. Something happened that changed my life and I've actually been hiding it. Well, almost. Usually when I am out of town and no one is around that I know is there is when I have been flaunting this. When I first started doing this it was kinda a fling moment. It was a "Just do this and go with it" moment. Eventually, it became a part of me and it started to grow and grow. Eventually, overcoming my actual personality. You could say it was a second one. One that was an enjoyment to do meanwhile not overcoming my regular social activities. And then there is the scenario that if I am caught. Pretty much my social life will be ruined. I'll be kicked out of my fraternity. A lot of my friends will point and laugh, and worst of all my entire family will look at me like some kinda joke. So this is something that I am literally keeping in my closet. But that night that I spilled the beans with a friend of mine. It actually...felt comfortable doing 'That thing' that I was in front of him. He was too. (One again. Not sexual, illiegal, or anything) I guess the time and place that I can really let this out are these occasions: 1- No one I know has to be in the same place I am. Unless I am really fucking good at what I am doing and no one who might be there notices. 2- Gatherings, conventions, etc. Oh, no one really knows you there. Why not go all out?! I was doing this at this year's Momocon and there are pictures / video, and no you won't see them. But there is one thing that I am going to say: The whole "Coming out of the closet" thing isn't just a Gay thing. It can also be a social thing that just...really just applies to you. You have a lot of folks in this world that hide things from your friends and family members. It's one of those closet things that you just HAVE to hide and welp, it keeps your secret and it hurts you inside. I feel for you. Honestly, I do. I mean I had a good friend of mine who is totally redneck and lives in a redneck family. graduated with me and everything and loves videogames and anime as much as I do. Well, he reciently told me that he was a furry and purchased and outfit and everything. Which I thought was cool, I went to furry conventions for the karaoke and it's a great social environment. I totally feel for him not sharing that secret. But he at least came up to me and told me just to test the waters. Which was of course welcomed and wasn't a problem with m whatsoever. Just like when I was talking with my closed friends about it. But it just kills me to think that what if my family finds out about what I have been doing? And better yet, was clearly open with strangers. Not that I want to tell them mind you but...catch my drift? And please don't bother guessing. (Last edited by Bitmap on 04-25-11 04:12 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| I won't guess, but I am really curious and if you ever feel like telling me via pm or anything I swear to keep your secret. Just sayin'.
I know how you feel though... I mean being a witch doesn't sound as potentially destructive as your secret sounds, but it did cause some waves when I came out of the broom closet. I kept is secret for years from my parents, eventually my dad found out and he was skeptical but okay... but when my mom found out she told me I was going to hell... until she seemingly forgot it all a few days later. I find that most people are accepting of it, but there are times when I still need to keep it close to the chest... moreso since the move as I don't want a flaming cross in my front yard. |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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| Now, I am sure you guys are all wondering. I talked with a few people about it and exactly the next day. (I'm sure most of you will groan here in a few sentences) but literally, the next day. I heard someone. I felt something. I literally had an experience not like any other.
I felt God move through me. I heard God screaming at me. I literally feared God. Folks I am not going to lie. In the past I have said that "I believe that Jesus died for me for my sins" and you know what, the thing I was hiding was a sin, and I kept doing this, and I felt and understood loud and clear that God was not happy with it. No Christian who continues to dive and stay with the flesh are no child of God whatsoever. Period. I was on my path to destruction. So, I cried. I cried, read the bible, I asked God to open my eyes, I asked God to open my ears to listen and read verses, and finally I have literally opened up to the Lord my God. This is something that I am just going to put behind me and I am never going to go back to it. It was filthy, it was ungodly, and it was shameful. I could have died yesterday and wake up being judged. It could have been too late for me and my faith, and I would be in a place where I know I would not like. For right then, then next day, I knew my time was Short. And I am glad that God reached down and picked me back up. Brushed me off, and started walking from square one. So as far as support is concerned. I'll trust God. Please close this thread. |
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天国JOE ���A�ǂ��ɂȂ�̂���낤�H Since: 09-02-04 From: Destroy Tower Since last post: 4024 days Last activity: 3390 days |
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| Aw I wanted to know what it was.
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