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03-28-24 01:06 PM
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Xeogaming Forums - Xeo's Hot Tub - Beware... | |
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Spartan

Metal battleaxe
Is back. Kind of.








Since: 11-15-04

Since last post: 2090 days
Last activity: 1331 days
Posted on 03-07-05 07:58 PM Link | Quote
Have you ever watch Garfield US Acres' Wade Duck or Earthworm Jim's people who are frightened of everything, and wonder why? Why are they afraid of flowers and air and water? Well, wonder no more! I have started to compile a list of everything and why you should be afraid of it. It is far from complete now, but it will be expanding. This also isn’t sorted in any particular order. You’ll just have to go through it all to find what you’re looking for. So here is the list of why you should beware of anything and everything.

Just before we start, I'm making two assumption: pain is bad, and death is bad. That's all. If you're a masochist (I don't care if it's not spelt right) or suicidal, that's your buisness, but I assume most of us are not.



Beware of mugs, they can spill coffee on you and hurt you if they smash on your head.
Beware of coffee, it burns.
Beware of sun, it can burn you.
Beware of snow, it can freeze you.
Beware of hail, it can hurt you.
Beware of rain, it can shrink your clothes.
Beware of lightening, electrocution.
Beware of gales, they can blow metal cabinets into you.
Beware of no wind, your clothes won't get dry.
Beware of fog, you can't see where you're going.
Beware of sleet, it can make you slip onto thumbtacks.
Beware of ice, it can make cars slip into you.
Beware of lifts, the cable might snap.
Beware of stairs, you might fall down them.
Beware of banana peals, you can slip on them.
Beware of grapefruits, they can squirt juice in your eye.
Beware of diseases, they can kill you.
Beware of alcohol, it can make you fall over cliffs and onto thumbtacks.
Beware of cliffs, you can fall off of them.
Beware of forests, they can hide dangerous animals and are made of trees.
Beware of shotguns, they can shoot at you.
Beware of vomit, it tastes awful and it can put you off your food.
Beware of grand pianos, they can fall out of the sky and hurt you.
Beware of cellos, the spike can hurt you.
Beware of superglue, it can stick you to metal cabinets.
Beware of police, they can put you in jail.
Beware of no police, you can get robbed or mugged.
Beware of bus drivers, they can get drunk and crash with you on the bus.
Beware of buildings, they can fall on you and can catch fire with you in them.
Beware of CD players, the laser can blind you.
Beware of TVs, they can explode at the worst moment.
Beware of the moon, it can block out the sun and cause darkness.
Beware of fridges, you can get trapped inside.
Beware of hydrochloric acid, it can dissolve your clothes and burn you.
Beware of yellow things, they might be the sun.
Beware of non-yellow things, they might be made of metal and have pointy edges.
Beware of suits, they are a sign of seriousness.
Beware of work, it can exhaust you.
Beware of no work, you get no money.
Beware of nail clippers, they have pointy edges.
Beware of Harry Enfield, he's on TV.
Beware of locked doors, they don't open and you can walk into them.
Beware of baseball bats, they can hit you.
Beware of being hit, it hurts.
Beware of dynamite, it can blow you up.
Beware of drinks, they can make dribble down your jacket and can have cyanide in them.
Beware of re-runs of Blake's 7 because it can bore you and is on TV.
Beware of magnets, they can mess up your pacemaker, and might attract metal objects at you.
Beware of gold, it is a metal.
Beware of rock music, it can make you more agressive.
Beware of classical music, it can make you more intelligent.
Beware of intelligence, it can make you more curious.
Beware of curiosity (spelling?), it killed the cat.
Beware of cars, they can crash into you.
Beware of life, death is inevitable.
Beware of flowers, there are always bees nearby.
Beware of pillows, there may be rocks in them.
Beware of paper, cuts are on the way.
Beware of apples, they fall off trees and hit you on the head, and there may be worms inside.
Beware of trees, they bear falling fruit and make paper.
Beware of books, they can hit you on the head amd are made of paper.
Beware of sofas, they might have loose springs.
Beware of rocks, they are hard and can hit you on the head.
Beware of garbage cans, you can fall in, and there is garbage in them.
Beware of garbage, it smells bad and is usually associated with wasps.
Beware of metal cabinets, they can fall on your head, or you can get locked inside.
Beware of windows, walking into them hurts, walking through them hurts more.
Beware of heaters, they can burn you if you touch them.
Beware of air, it may be polluted.
Beware of no air, you will die of lack of oxygen.
Beware of water, drowning.
Beware of no water, dehydration.
Beware of food, poisoning.
Beware of no food, starvation.
Beware of blackboards, fingernails on them sound bad and cause pain to ears.
Beware of chalk, it drys your fingers and and it tastes bad.
Beware of shelter, it can fall on your head.
Beware of no shelter, you're vulnerable.
Beware of wooden cabinets, see metal cabinets.
Beware of doors, they close without warning, causing pain.
Beware of electrical wires, shocks.
Beware of sickness, you may die.
Beware of health, you may get sick.
Beware of kleenex, it may not hold.
Beware of pens, they can puncture your skin and give you ink poisoning.
Beware of no pens, you can't write down important things.
Beware of pencils, they can puncture your skin and give you lead poisoning.
Beware of no pencils, see no pens.
Beware of matches, they light on fire.
Beware of glass, it can break, and get imbedded in your skin.
Beware of chairs, they can collapse.
Beware of tables, they can collapse.
Beware of erasers, they can hit you on the back of the head.
Beware of scissors, they have pointy edges.
Beware of dictionaries, they are big, and hurt if hit on the back of the head with one, and are books.
Beware of purses, they can hit you on the head.
Beware of glasses, they can poke you in the eye.
Beware of rope, it makes nooses.
Beware of necklaces, they can strangle you.
Beware of earings, they can rip your ear off.
Beware of shoes, gum can stick on them.
Beware of no shoes, you can step on thumbtacks.
Beware of lockers, you can get locked inside.
Beware of bees, they sting you.
Beware of cuts, they can get infected and kill you.
Beware of loose springs, they can spring on you.
Beware of wasps, see bees.
Beware of burns, they hurt.
Beware of fire, you can get caught inside and die.
Beware of pointy edges, they can cut you.
Beware of nooses, they strangle you.
Beware of gum, it can get caught in your throat.
Beware of thumbtacks, they are pointy and have edges.
Beware of light, you can see what's about to happen to you.
Beware of darkness, you can't see what's about to happen to you.
Beware of money, it's made of paper and metal.
Beware of metal, it hurts if it hits you on the head.

Déesse

Sailor Déesse
Mistress of Pink
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy








Since: 08-14-04
From: The Moon

Since last post: 6326 days
Last activity: 6058 days
Posted on 03-07-05 10:14 PM Link | Quote
hehe, well some of them are kind of common sense, but what would be fun is if you showed this to foreigners who are visiting the country and see them freak out ... but actually that would be mean

But they were great Spartan
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