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| Xeogaming Forums - Xeo's Hot Tub - If the ark were built in 2005... |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance         Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 634 days Last activity: 442 days |
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| It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. "First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. "Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. "Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. "I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. "However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. "The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. "Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. "When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. "Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. "Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. "Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! "The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. "I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft." "Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. "I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed and the sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has." |
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01001000 Slow Ride Take It Easy  Since: 01-10-05 Since last post: 6527 days Last activity: 5877 days |
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| Interesting story, did you write it yourself?
And i'm gonna have to agree strongly that the government has destroyed our world beyond belief. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 634 days Last activity: 442 days |
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No, it's just a joke that's been passed around a lot. 
It was too funny not to share. |
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Genocyber Female Zombie  Since: 08-14-04 From: Passing through the stars Since last post: 5927 days Last activity: 5134 days |
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| Very very funny, but the sad thing is that i can trully imagine something like that | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Déesse Sailor Déesse Mistress of Pink Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy  Since: 08-14-04 From: The Moon Since last post: 6565 days Last activity: 6296 days |
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That was hilarious  and so so true too. It would be a real disaster to build an ark these days  so many laws and rules. |
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| Man, funny AND so true.
We must get alot of people to read this, as it is the truth! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| I just find that hilarious, sad, but hilarious. I think the best part was "I sent them a globe". | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
WhiteRose Warrior Sailor Delerium Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no ones ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream?...Green mouse ice cream was the worst.  Since: 08-17-04 From: The Dreaming Since last post: 4452 days Last activity: 5155 days |
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rofl, ok that was entertaining to read. It is rather sad and very realistic.
Originally posted by Elara Yes, I'll have to agree comeplty with you on that one as well the bit about the ark hvaing to have been registered as a "recreational water craft." |
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