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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - short story... tell mewhat you think |
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GuardianOni Shaman          Since: 09-07-04 From: The dark path Since last post: 5632 days Last activity: 5091 days |
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| Words Not Spoken
by: T. Moore Jerrin pelted down the halls of the crypt trying to catch up to the others. Going around a turn he caught a glimpse of Leo’s boot heels as they disappeared around another corner. Leaning forward in an effort to gain more speed he ran forward. Reaching the corner he made an effort to turn but skidded into the stones of the far wall. Looking ahead he saw the group disappearing around a bend far down the corridor. Leo looked back and shouted. “Come on Jerrin! We need to keep going, they are almost at our heels!” And disappeared around the bend. Jerrin would have sworn but decided to save his breath. Pushing off the dark granite- gray wall he ran after them. Leo, or maybe one of the others may have been shouting something again, but all Jerrin could hear was his own breathing, and the rattling of his chain armor, and assorted weapons. He knew he had to hurry. He had know it for the last hour. After days for inching along as quietly as possible to avoid detection they were finally caught. And now were running for their lives from a hoard of orcs. Jerrin rounded the bend and ran down a straight stretch of hall. The war hammer in his hands was beginning to feel like a led weight. And for a moment he seriously considered dropping it. But as he reached the end of the straight hall all thought left his mind, and he did swear. He had reached another intersection. But as he looked down each branch of the perpendicular halls he saw no sign of the others. Panic started to fill him. Each branch looked like the other. Dark gray stone walls with torches set at intervals to provide light. As he looked down one branch he heard the voice of Leo again. Jerrin made for the noise. After running for a ways he turned a corner and found them. What looked to be a large stone door barred their passage. Leo smiled as walked to Jerrin as he made the last jog up to them. “We thought we lost you.” He said evenly. He was an elf and it would take more than this amount of running to tire one of them. He was around Jerrin’s age in elf reckoning. “But I am glad to see you have such a good sense of direction.” He said jovially, brushing his short blond hair back. Jerrin was about to open his mouth to respond, but was interrupted. “It is not that he has a good sense of direction.” Came a cool voice. “But he fallowed the shouting of fools who do not seem to realize that he is slowing them down.” Jerrin looked over to the owner of the voice. It was another elf. Detron. He was around the same age as Leo, so he appeared as old as Jerrin. And even though Jerrin stood taller than him, Detron seemed to be looking down his nose at him. “Go clip your ears.” Shot Leo. And Jerrin, and Leo walked past the glowering elf. The others were arranged around the hall. The priestess Layorna leaned against a stone wall huffing. And it was what she was carrying in her pack that made this mission so vital. The fate of thousands rested in her pack. Asmond the wizard leaned heavily on his staff as he gazed at something upon the door. Then Jerrin's heart did a flip as his eyes fell upon Salline. She was tall for an elf, and her long raven black hair reached her waist. Her two gloved hands rested on the hilts of her swords, and she too was looking at the door. As Jerrin and Leo walked up to the group she turned to look at them. But as her stunning green eyes fell upon him Jerrin looked away. Looking down at the stones of the floor he was aware that Leo also suddenly became engrossed in his bow. They came to a stop, and leaned next to each other against the wall. Jerrin looked down at the elf next to him. And he looked back. They both knew that they both felt the same thing for Salline. But it wasn’t that bad. Jerrin liked Leo. He is a good solid man to have around. Good humored, and friendly. And deadly with his bow. If anybody was worthy of her it was him. Leo and Jerrin looked at Salline again. She was once again looking at the door with the young wizard. Jerrin looked back at Leo, and their eyes met. They had argued over the issue. Both of them in love with her, and both sure that the other was the better man. Ultimately they agreed upon trying their best, and letting her decide. But to her the two them were friends. So neither wanted to make the first move. Leo shrugged smiling . It was the only thing the either of them could do. So Jerrin smiled back. “The two of you are pathetic.” Came Detron’s cool voice. He walked in front of them and looked at them with great distaste. Looking at Leo he said coolly. “You wish for something that’s too good for you.” Turning to Jerrin he said. “And you should not even wish. A human and an elf. It is a vile thought.” For a moment he looked at Salline. “Still. She is quiet fair. After we are done with our task I feel I shall court her.” And with that ominous thought he walked away. Jerrin and Leo looked at each other. And Jerrin knew that the same thought ran through each of their minds. “Not him. Just not him.” “AH, ha!” cried Asmond. “I got it. I knew there was something here.” He said as he started to weave his hand. Suddenly there was a small, but bright burst of light. “Ohh. That would have been messy.” He exclaimed. “What was it?” Asked Salline in her musical voice. “You don't want to know.” Responded Asmond fervently, as he gazed into the small wisp of smoke trailing from where the burst came from. “Now Jerrin. I need your help.” Jerrin pushed off from the wall. And walked to the wizard. “What do you need?” “I need you to pull that bar to the side and push at the same time.” Handing his hammer to Asmond Jerrin pulled the bar to the side. Setting his large shoulder against the door and started to push. The large heavy door started to swing forward. As he pushed he heard Detron speaking with Layorna. “He is slowing us down. If we keep this up the orcs shall have us by night fall.” “It doesn’t matter.” Replied Layorna's soft voice in hushed tones. “We need him. Do you think you are strong enough to have opened that door?” “True he is strong, but we’ll be in open country. And all we’ll be doing is running.” Retorted Detron coolly. “I am not saying to string him up and leave him for the orcs, but if he falls back not to slow down and wait for him. Thousands of lives are depending upon what you are carrying.” “I know what is at stake here.” Said Layorna, silencing Detron. When the large door was fully open Jerrin straightened up. And retrieved his hammer from the mage. Beyond the door was a long hall at the end was an opening to daylight. As the others passed him he looked at the door. He noticed that to move the door the bar needed to be pulled to the side. If that was gone the door couldn’t be moved. Jerrin let the others pass by. He was slowing them down. As Detron passed by Jerrin said. “Your right you know.” But Detron didn’t respond. The others were starting down the hall. And Jerrin made his decision. He watched as the others moved down the hall. About halfway down Leo turned back to urge Jerrin on again, but froze when his eye's met Jerrin's. He knew. Jerrin nodded to him. Then looked at Salline who was next to Leo. She had realized that Leo had stopped and turned to look why. Her eyes went from Leo to Jerrin. And for once he didn't look away. His eyes met hers. And for a few moments his heart felt like it was going to explode. He kept his eyes locked on hers and pulled at the bar. Realization filled her face. For what Jerrin was not certain, but he had made his choice. Salline started to run back to him. He couldn't let her stop him. Throwing his weight back he pulled with all of his might, and the doors started to close. Jerrin kept his eyes upon her for as long as he could. But much too soon his vision was blocked by the door. It slammed shut, and letting go of the bar he hefted the war hammer in both his hands. And swung as hard as he could, striking his target. The bar clattered across the room. The door was now locked. Salline's voice called out from the other side. “JERRIN!!!” “Go! Just Go! I've broken the only way to open the door! I'll buy you as much time as I can!” Jerrin yelled back. A thought crossed his mind. “Leo?” He called through the door. “I’m here!” Came Leo's voice, muffled by the great door. “You will take care of her?” “I will.” Was his response. There was more yelling beyond the door. Jerrin again yelled at them. “Run! I've broken the door! I can’t follow you! You have to run!” It seemed that they understood. For soon there was nothing but silence from the other side of the door. “I shall give you as much time as I can.” He said as a quiet vow. After a time of just leaning against the door Jerrin started to hear noises again. This time coming from the hall he was in. The orcs were approaching. Jerrin prayed. Not to be spared. But only to be able to buy the others enough time. “Hopefully they will fight over who gets to eat what.” He thought to him self. And for some reason he smiled at this thought. “At least it’s bye them more time, her more time.” Straightening up Jerrin turned to face the entrance of the hall. As the first orc appeared around the corner Jerrin weighed his options. He was still holding his hammer, and it was an effective weapon. As three more fallowed the first he thought about the battle axe, and bastard sword across his back. But the daggers in his belt might work well for the five more that appeared behind the first four. Smiling slightly he said to himself. “I guess we will just have to find out what works the best.” And as the orcs came rushing at him. Jerrin finally said the words he only wish he could say. “I love you Salline.” (Last edited by GuardianOni on 10-19-05 04:57 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 104 days Last activity: 104 days |
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| Very interesting Oni. Making the Elves look like bastards... I'm so hurt... ha, just kidding. Seriously though it's good, just some typos and grammatical errors that could do with some fixing. I liked it. | |||
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GuardianOni Shaman Since: 09-07-04 From: The dark path Since last post: 5632 days Last activity: 5091 days |
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| If it makes elfs look like bastards then Leo is the nicest bastard I've ever met. =P
Well... Thanks Elara, I'd like to think I did ok on this... Also I edited as many errors as I could find. I hope that it reads easyer now. |
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Pockets Werewolf pockets Since: 10-20-04 Since last post: 4883 days Last activity: 4399 days |
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| Good cept some of the grammar was a little odd I felt. Like you can use contractions more often. I'll point it all out to you later in person but I like it so far. I want to know what's the back story and such and where they're going. Keep working on this man, it really looks like it could shape into something very interesting. | |||
Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!  Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 726 days Last activity: 726 days |
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| If I read passed the grammar, spelling mistakes, and omission of words (and I can do it, and begrudgingly have because even my own works need to be grammar and spellchecked every now and then), it's a very well thought out piece of work. A little touch up work here and there, and you've got a nice story.
I'm impressed, and I don't mean in any kind of insincere, condescending tone that everyone always thinks I do. I really mean it this time. From one writer to another. |
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WhiteRose Warrior Sailor Delerium Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no ones ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream?...Green mouse ice cream was the worst.  Since: 08-17-04 From: The Dreaming Since last post: 4244 days Last activity: 4947 days |
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Damn you! You made me cry! Lol, no really, the story was well written and I was sucked right into it. You might want to put a bit more descriptive text into it, such as smell and a little more sound, especially as the orcs are approching towards the end. Aside from that, it's a really good story...Poor Jerrin.  |
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GuardianOni Shaman Since: 09-07-04 From: The dark path Since last post: 5632 days Last activity: 5091 days |
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| Firstly. Thanks to all those who have read and reviewed my story.
Secondly. The more I think about it the more of another story related to this one forms. (It may or may not be a sequel.) But I'm not sure if anyone would be interested in reading it. So basically I'm leaving it up to the vote. Should enough people want me to keep writing this particular set I will. Or if either people tell me they don't want to read any more of my trash, or nobody cares enough to say one way or another I'll leave it as it is. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 104 days Last activity: 104 days |
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| More!!!!
More or I will poke you with a large stick or something! |
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WhiteRose Warrior Sailor Delerium Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no ones ever eaten before? Like chicken and telephone ice cream?...Green mouse ice cream was the worst. Since: 08-17-04 From: The Dreaming Since last post: 4244 days Last activity: 4947 days |
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| MORE! Don't you dare leave us hanging like this we want to know what happenes to who! I swear I'll bite you if you don't continue you this! |
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