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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - Battle of My Own |
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Katana Dark Wizard \"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"          Since: 08-15-04 From: Philadelphia, P.A. Since last post: 1554 days Last activity: 1371 days |
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| That hazel pool of magnificance,
only inches away, yet stretched beyond my reach, those eyes accompanied by that smile ignites a rush of extacy, unmatched by all that is good. I open my mouth to speak but the cold fingers of anxiety clasp tightly around my throat. I am engulfed by this bittersweet feeling, tormented by your presence, lost without you. This battle is mine and mine alone to bear, for me to suffer. One word will cause the world we have built to crumble, but silence will destroy me from the inside. And so I chose to let you go, to release you from my heart, for a piece of you is better than not having you at all. Even though you look at her with love, you gaze at me as a friend, something that I will learn to live with. (Last edited by Katana on 02-07-07 02:48 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| That is good, Katana. I like the descriptions you use of the emotions, it makes it very visual and that is always good in poetry. I really like the cold fingers of anxiety line, that is really good!
My one question though is "when you say hazel, do you mean hazel brown, blue, or green?" I assume that you are talking about eye color... but at the same time I literally pictured a hazel brown pool of water and it looked really odd to me. Heh heh. (Last edited by Elara on 02-07-07 07:02 AM) |
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Katana Dark Wizard \"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\" Since: 08-15-04 From: Philadelphia, P.A. Since last post: 1554 days Last activity: 1371 days |
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Teehee, thanks.  As far as the color, it doesn't matter what other color they associate it with. The assignments are still the same, we have to write poems based off of other poems that we have read, and since I really didn't like the one, and the other two were hard to write about alone, I kinda incorporated them both: Love and a sort of rejection.
The hazel part was just written to hopefully get the reader to picture eyes without actually saying the word. I figured it was better than saying any of the other colors. **shrugs** Hazel anything is a pretty color, I think, but I've rarely heard the word associated with anything other than eyes...pretty cool that you saw the pool of water though. We dissected this one in class today and for once the teacher wasn't too harsh.  She said the first two stanzas were good and the last two were crap, that my work is too prosy. **shrugs** But I did find out today that she doesn't really have it in for me, which makes the class soooo much easier! |
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