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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Happy... For Once... |
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True Flight The One         Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| While I was here on deployment, I noticed something that seemed a bit off about me. I was feeling like crap all the time. The fact that my unit was breaking me down and the "Rough Riders" were making fun of me wasn't helping me at all. Then I noticed as I was going deeper and deeper into this dark place, being alone in my room was scary. Thoughts would go through my head. I wasn't myself, I was starting to feel like someone else. I was missing my husband and I was feeling very dark. While I slept I used to wake up during the nightmares of wraith like creatures surrounding me and trying to grab me. I finally said "Fuck it." And started to sleep through these dreams. Life was starting to get... pointless.
Then I met a new friend I made. He practically forced himself into my circle and made me get to know him. He told me I had a very cold feeling and told me I needed a friend. I nodded and tried to make it seem like he was being stupid ever becoming my friend. I'm in Iraq, I don't need help. The last person that started to "think" like I did (which he didn't, he was a total screw up) got his weapon taken away and was on suicide watch for ever. I was completely lost. However I kept a smile on my face. I kept going, and going. I didn't want to stop. Part of me started to take over and asked to stop it. Which in this case, I wasn't hesitating to off myself. It's a scary dark and cold place and I couldn't understand why things were this way. Facing the world like I did out here, has made me stronger, but it made me want to end it even more. Anyway, Matt came to karaoke while I was running it. He bought me a raspberry ice tea and got to know me. He made me laugh and everything. When we walked over to the bunker, he sat down with me and looked into my eyes. "Seriously Sarah, are you alright?" That was when the happy exterior faded into a sad, upset, angry, and depressed state. I started crying, punching T-Walls, and cursing at everything that caused me to get that way. He then smiled and gave me a hug. "You need to let this stuff out. Seriously. You're going to kill yourself if you don't. I wouldn't want that, your family wouldn't want that, and your husband wouldn't. Your squad NEEDS you from what it seems and they protect you from everything like a father would protect a daughter. You're a miracle worker on the team. You've done so much. You glass is full. Seriously. It's overflowing with all the good you've done." I couldn't believe that I was only seeing the darker side to this subject. How in the world did I get into such a dark dark place. Why didn't I ask for help? He said that the ones that hold a happy exterior and start hurting like that don't hesitate to end it all. He gave me a titanium ring with a dragon on it stating that it was a symbol of our friendship and a reminder that I will never be in that place ever again. I thank God for Matt everyday I see him. He's been the greatest friend out here. He totally fixed me. lol. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| I like this Matt guy, please thank him for us when you see him next. It is not good that you went so far down the rabbit hole, True and I am glad that someone was able to pull you out of it. Knowing that you are happy again takes a load off of my mind, I know you are not happy out there, and I don't blame you. But you have a good friend there now, which can make much more of a difference than the loads of friends you have here at home, since we are so far away and so scattered.
I kinda want to see a picture of that ring, it sound really cool. |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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Here we go. It's not that good, but it's got a Pendragon on it. Told me I needed the luck more so than him. Then I found out that suicide on my row of CHUs is not common. We've had three deaths on this row. All of them in the CHU two doors down from me. |
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream  Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1677 days Last activity: 863 days |
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| Hmm, makes me feel guilty for not having the time to jump on AIM and bullshit with you more!
Well damn, lost my train of thought o.o Get ahold of me! |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4557 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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| It's hard for me to get in touch with her via AIM. Not saying it's impossible. But your best bet is to be logged on at like 4AM EST. Usually she logs on at that time and we have bullshitted in the past. So best bet is to log in at that time? | |||
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| it's hard to get things done around here. XD So when I'm bored it's in the weeee hours of the morning and the early afternoon. | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| Nifty. Glare makes it a bit hard to see, but I think it looks cool. | |||
Makii Tachibana Merchant  Since: 01-10-11 From: Tower of Babel Since last post: 5027 days Last activity: 5013 days |
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| No one needs to thank me. EVER. That is all im going to say about it. |
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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Happy... For Once... |
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