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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - Unexpected Love |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable          Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| Okay, my attempt at writing a love story without the tragedy. Hopefully it isn't totally crappy:
It was just another day for Tara, or so she thought. Hanging out at school with her friends in the basement room that they liked, nothing odd about it. She sat there, feeling alone and unimportant as usual as her buddies all laughed and played games. It was the same old thing, she’d join in to keep up appearances, but her heart wasn’t in it anymore. Last week Brad had left her, no real reason, he just left. No one was surprised, not even her… Brad was a jerk, but he had made her feel special and that was why it hurt so much. She was thinking of that when she heard the door to the room open. She turned to see who had come in only after her friend Laura squealed and ran toward them. The look of shock and joy on her friend’s face intrigued her, so she slowly turned her eyes from the white tabletop to the door, a smile touching her lips when she saw Nathan’s face. “We thought you were dead,” she said with a smile as she went to greet her friend. “Now why would you think that, Tara,” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. “Well… we haven’t seen you in nearly half a year, what were we supposed to think?” Tara couldn’t help but smile as Nathan started to laugh. “I’m very much alive, as you can see,” he said. “I’ve just been really busy with work and… stuff, so I took a semester off.” “Ah, I see.” Tara nodded her head as she spoke. She felt weird all of a sudden, a warm feeling in her chest. The look on his face when he paused piqued her curiosity though. Something had happened to her friend, and she felt a twinge of worry set in. “So… how have you been,” He asked almost hesitantly. She looked into his eyes for a moment… he looked at her like he already knew what was wrong, his eyes reflected her pain and matched it with concern. “I’ve been okay… I guess. You?” She turned her body a bit so she wasn’t directly looking at him. “Tara, what’s wrong,” he still had that look as he placed his hand on her arm to turn her to face him again; she was surprised that he seemed to know… that he cared. Her gaze fell to the floor. “Brad left me.” “What? When?” “Last week… a few days before my birthday. He said I was ‘too clingy’,” she sounded so bitter when she said those last words. Nathan drew her into another hug. “I’m so sorry. God, what an idiot! I should kick his ass,” he said as he stroked her hair gently. Everyone else had gone back to their activities, leaving the two of them to talk, for which Tara was grateful. Nathan’s arms were so warm, and she felt a lot better because of that hug. She didn’t know why, but for some reason she didn’t want him to let go. “Hey, Nathan,” Peter said as he interrupted the moment. “I’m having a party tonight at my house, you want to go?” Tara looked up as she slid out of Nathan’s arms. He seemed to be considering the offer, but was a bit unsure. “Gee, I don’t know man. I have work tonight.” “Can’t you call in sick,” Peter asked. “I could… who all’s gonna be there?” “The whole group, Jared and Maritza are going to be going out and buying the liquor for us and everything. It’s gonna be fun man!” “You going too, Tara?” He turned to look at her as he asked the question. “Hell yeah I’m going, it’s a great chance to hang out with everyone and have fun!” And get drunk, she thought. Tara didn’t drink often, was a bit leery of it since she got really sick last time. She was still hurting though, and looked at this as a chance to drown her sorrows in a bottle of vodka… she wouldn’t admit that though. “Well… alright, it sounds like fun. I’ll be there, what time does it start?” He had smiled as soon as she had said she would be there. She had always had a feeling that Nathan liked her, but she had never proven it. He was taken anyway, so it wasn’t like she ever could anyway. “Won’t your girlfriend be upset with you getting drunk and missing work,” Tara asked. She knew as soon as the words left her lips that she had said something wrong by his reaction. All of his muscles seemed to tense up and a look of pain flashed in his eyes. She knew before he said it what had happened. “I don’t have a girlfriend anymore,” he said calmly, his face a mask. She could see the pain in his eyes though, but as they looked at her the emotion vanished. “Oh, Nathan… I’m so sorry,” Tara hugged him again, feeling him squeeze her just a bit tighter this time. “What happened?” “I don’t want to talk about it… please don’t make me.” “Alright,” she murmured. He was hurting from it, she could tell. She knew the feeling. “How long ago was it?” “A few months ago, last time you saw me actually,” he answered as he took a seat at the table away from everyone else. “Oh… but, why didn’t you say anything then?” “You were so happy about getting together with Brad, I didn’t want to dampen your mood,” he looked down as he spoke, a strangely sad tone to his voice. Tara wanted to do something to make him smile, to say something to make him happy again. As depressed as she was, the sight of someone she cared about in pain wounded her more than anything that hurt her directly. She did care about Nathan; she cared for him a lot. On more than one occasion she had pondered what it would be like to date him. They had a lot of common interests, especially in music and clothes. He seemed the type that she liked ideally: caring, loyal, calm. He was like an odd rare flower in a briar patch… something she could never reach without getting terribly hurt in the process. They had kissed once, last year at a club party for the end of the semester. That was when she had first started to like him, but things back then were… complicated. She was in the middle of breaking up with her boyfriend at the time, Elijah, and that was hectic enough without Peter and Ron flirting with her. She ended up going out with Ron after that… Nathan had pointed out how Peter glared at the couple and any guy that touched her. It had been funny honestly. Around that time Nathan got a girlfriend, Vicky. It was a long distance relationship, she lived in a different city about two hours away, so Tara and the group didn’t see Nathan much after that. She and Ron had broken up in the summer, she tried dating Peter, but it just didn’t work. Just a week or so before he popped back up at school for a visit she had started dating Brad. That was back when it was good, when Brad liked her and listened to her without calling her ‘clingy’. Those days were gone now, replaced by emptiness and pain. She blamed herself for it, blamed her depression. Part of her was angry over it all, it wasn’t her fault that she was bipolar, nor was it her fault that her moods had shifted to the bleaker side that last week before the breakup. He could have at least returned one phone call to say he was busy, but no, nothing… just an instant message one day saying he needed space and he wanted to break up. Tara could feel her muscles tighten as the anger returned. Quickly she went back to her seat to try and hide it from Nathan. “Oh, the party starts at 6,” Peter finally answered. In a way she was grateful that he had spoken at that moment, it distracted Nathan from asking her why she was clenching her teeth. She gave Peter a grateful look which he answered with a slight nod. Yeah, he knew she needed that distraction. Later that night, Tara arrived at Peter’s house along with Maritza, Ron, and Tim. Climbing out of the small car, she grabbed her laptop case and made her way inside with the other three on her heels. Nathan had left the school about an hour before that, since he needed to go run some errands before showing up. Peter had left the door open for the guests, so she just walked inside and set her laptop on the dining room table. “Hey Pete, we’re here,” she called out. “Okay, I’m just setting up the wireless network,” he replied from his bedroom. “Is Maritza with you?” “No Pete, she walked from the school over here,” Maritza said with a laugh as she set her laptop next to Tara’s. Tim and Ron had made their way over to the sofa and had sat down, deep in discussion over a book. “I was just making sure,” Peter said as he walked into the room. “Jared’s in the bathroom right now, but as soon as he’s out we’ll give you two the cash so you can make the liquor run.” “Whoo hoo, bring on the booze,” Tara said enthusiastically as she hunted for a place to plug in her laptop as the rest of the group laughed. A few minutes later Jared walked out of the bathroom and over to Peter and Martiza. “Alright, I’m ready to go… but what are we getting,” he said as he put in his jacket. After about five minutes of debating and money collecting, the two legal people went off to purchase the evening’s beverages. By the time they had returned almost everyone, including Nathan, had arrived. The night went along fairly well. Most of the people were having a fun time playing some online games or just listening to music and talking. Tara, after ingesting a few Smirnoffs, was even starting to have fun. After awhile they decided to try making some fun mixed drinks which she happily drank more of. Tim walked over to Tara, a decent sized glass of amber liquor in hand. “Here Tara, I got this for you.” “Thanks, Tim,” she replied as she took the drink. A minute before they had been making a drink with Dr. Pepper and Jack Daniels which she had asked to try. It was really nice of Tim to make her one. The glass was more than double the size of a shot glass, but Tara decided to take it as a shot as well. Nathan had a glass of the liquor in his hand as well as he walked back into the room and sat down. Tara brought the glass to her lips as Tim, Nathan, and Maritza watched, and quickly slammed it back and swallowed it. It didn’t taste anything like Dr. Pepper, but it did taste good. The whiskey burned her throat a bit, but she took it rather well in her opinion. She instantly felt warm all over, her face feeling rather numb as she gently poked her cheek. It had hit her hard and she knew it, but at least she remained functional. Tim stared at her appreciatively. “Maritza, I love you and all; but that was hot,” he said in response to Tara’s supershot. “Was that a Dr. Daniels,” Tara asked. “I didn’t taste the Dr. Pepper at all.” “No, that was straight JD,” he replied.” “You mean… I just took a huge shot of straight Jack Daniels?” “Yup, and I’m proud of you.” “Hey Tim,” Nathan interrupted as he held up his slightly larger glass of whiskey, “it’s about to get even hotter.” He took the glass and slammed the contents back in one gulp, grinning like a jackal afterwards. “Yup, that is even hotter,” Tim said with a laugh as Maritza started laughing at the three of them. After a few hours Tim and Maritza had to leave, but there were still plenty of other people there to hang out with. Ron’s friend Jay had come by as well and was doing his best to be as odd as possible… he was doing quite well at it to be honest. Tara laughed a bit at his antics, it took her mind off her pain. Nathan kept looking over at her periodically, a concerned yet sad look in his eyes. She made a point to talk to him before he had to leave. The time to talk came closer than expected though. While everyone was watching Jay make an idiot of himself, Tara just stood back in dining room and watched. Suddenly she noticed Nathan was standing next to her. “Tara,” he began softly. “Yeah?” “Are you okay? You’re over here all alone.” “I’m fine,” she said as she turned to face him. “I’m just being a freak like usual.” “Yeah, but that’s why I like you,” he said softly as he took a step closer to give her a hug. “I’ve always liked you… ever since I first met you.” “Really,” she asked in a surprised voice. She had known that he liked her, just not for how long. “Yeah, there was just something about you… I don’t know what it was, but something in your personality drew me to you.” Tara looked into Nathan’s eyes, they were dark brown, nearly black, but so expressive. He was holding back more of what he wanted to say, but even though she knew it she did not push him to tell. The warm numbness from the whiskey seemed to fade where his hands rested, leaving the warmth of his touch. She wanted to kiss him suddenly, but the others were wandering about now and she didn’t want to do it with them all watching, besides, she was still in a mild state of shock. “Wow,” was all she could manage to say. She hugged him, burying her face into his chest as she tried to sort through her chaotic feelings. Brad had hurt her, but she had been hurt many times before and bounced back, plus she realized now that she never really loved Brad… Nathan was someone that she could love. He was hurt too though, she didn’t need him to say it, but in his eyes when she had mentioned it earlier she knew that Vicky had broken his heart, yet she also knew that his feelings were sincere. “Hey Nathan, come here a minute,” Ron called from the kitchen, breaking Tara from her thoughts. “Alright, I’m coming,” Nathan answered, reluctantly letting her go as he walked into the next room. Tara followed, watching Ron and Jay show Nathan their stupidity at drinking Everclear straight. Ron gagged and Jay’s eyes went wide. Nathan merely laughed at both of them as he took the bottle and downed a large gulp with no problem. “Dude, you suck,” Ron said with a laugh as he and Jay went back to the living room. Tara walked silently into the kitchen as Nathan took another drink of the alcohol. He turned to face her as he sat the bottle down, but he didn’t get a chance to say anything before Tara had thrown her arms around him and pressed her lips against his. Time seemed to freeze at that moment as she kissed him and felt his body against hers… the softness of his lips, the way that his arms had wrapped around her instinctively and held her close. It was the longest three seconds of her lifetime, and when they pulled back from each other she felt the pain of the moment ending. “Wow,” Nathan said. He seemed too shocked to say anything else. He closed his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss her again. She could hear Billy playing Pete’s guitar in the living room as they kissed the second time, he was playing Nothing Else Matters by Metallica… she almost wanted to laugh at it’s appropriateness. Nathan had to leave soon afterwards, one of the sober people drove him home. They talked on AIM for an hour after that, until they were both too tired to stay up anymore. All the others crashing at Peter’s house for the night were heading to bed as well, Jay was curled up on the floor next to the table with a blanket already. She bid goodnight to Nathan, turned off the laptop, and found a warm place on the floor. As she closed her eyes and fought off the cold of the winter night, Tara imagined a pair of warm arms surrounding her, and soft lips brushing against her forehead. “Goodnight Nathan, I’m glad you finally told me,” she whispered softly to the darkness as she fell asleep. |
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avatar of law Beezo  Since: 12-29-04 From: paris, canada Since last post: 5767 days Last activity: 5767 days |
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| before i say anything, i hope this isnt something that really happened, because it sounds like it's something that happened to you recently.
okay, secondly, i dunno why i even read this =/ i dont like reading ppl's story, nor do i ever even go to this part of the forum. but here's my take on it. i think you need to tweek and do little bit more work with the dialogues. they dont seem REAL to me. and probably i'm an idiot, but there's just too many characters for me to keep up with. you had a few that you just mentioned about once or twice, with few dialogues, and i think that's throwing me off a bit. i think it's best that for a short story like this you should keep it down to maybe six or so characters. it sounds like there's 9 people here or something. if it were a novel, you'd be all set. but i'm guessing this is a short story, since you dove into the meat of the story right away, what with a missing person reappearing. this all seemed realistic, as i'm pretty sure you based it on something that was recent, but again, i found that there were some run-ons and dialogue problems. great tho. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| Yeah, dialogue always come off crappy when indents won't show up. Also I think not writing for a few months and going back to it didn't help much either.
The main character is Tara, and kinda Nathan as well. The rest are minor characters and stock characters. |
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avatar of law Beezo Since: 12-29-04 From: paris, canada Since last post: 5767 days Last activity: 5767 days |
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| actually, that's how i write. i'd get a stroke of genius and write until i feel like it, and stop. i'd stop for weeks or even months till i get back onto a story. that way, my mind would be refreshed, and i would have no memory of what i wrote. with that, i can easily edit my work. it would be as if i'm editing someone elses work. you would see more mistakes and while editing, you can pick up on your work. but my way takes too long, and something bad usually happens to my puter, and my files would be erased =/ i've never actually finished a single story yet. one time, i was working on a story for almost three years, and while i was at skewl, my dad erased my puter -.-' blah... i only managed to save a few chapters =/ | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 100 days |
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| That happened with me and my Harry Potter fanfic, I finally started writing it on the computer, and then the hard drive crashed and I lost it all. It seems that reguardless of how long I put between writing periods, I always catch the mistakes after it's printed or posted or something like that. |
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