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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - Server One |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!          Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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The air smelled stale that morning while sitting at the corner café in the Zona district of San Angeles. Nestled on a quiet corner surrounded by towering apartment buildings and just below a support leg for the AeroTrain, Café Rodin sat as timeless as the Parisian cafés of Terran long ago. A cobblestone path had been commissioned years before for the stretch of sidewalk and streetway near the corner, in hopes of lending an air of comfort in the growing and bustling city. Long before the three buildings across the streetway had been built, the sunlight from two of the three suns used to intermingle and bathe the streetway and café in a wonderfully rich orange glow. But with a growing city came the demand for housing, and with the demand came the buildings that forever placed the café in darkness lending only the greenish hue from a few nearby custom-built streetlights. It had been a quiet place to rest, even through the oncoming war thirty years in the future, and while the occasional AeroTrain rumbled the cups and tables, she still enjoyed resting at the corner table overlooking the Elysian Apartment building, and beyond that, the far away ocean. She was there when the café was built, when the city was in its fledgling stages, when the continent rose from the depths of the artificial ocean, when the planet was created. She had lived on Terran many decades ago—even before its untimely demise at the hands of the Higher Beings—through periods of prosperity and war, and deeply enjoyed being one among billions. The advent of tea in the early Terran Chinese dynasties sparked an interest in her palate, and had long since become a staple of her persona. Earth II lacked the concept of tea, and many found it quite remarkable that she could instantly conjure up any flavor within her tea cup. She had sat upon glaciers watching as the continents of old unfolded, watching migrations of prehistoric animals and shifting in climates, swimming amongst the great water flows at the melting of the great Ice Age, standing in towering fields of green and brown at the development of a tundra period. She had seen her share of destruction and creation, and remembered while sipping on her Earl Grey the night when Terran was created. She remembered when Terran helped to create its satellite, the Moon, and remembered when eternities of space dust collided together to form the Terran Solar System, the Milky Way, the alpha and the omega. She remembered standing before the Higher Beings in a great void, her assignment as eternal guardian, as the all-knowing yet knowledge-less being of everything and nothing. An AeroTrain sailed by rattling her teacup atop the metallic grated table. Nary had a drop ever spilled out of the seemingly magical teacup. She opened her deep silver eyes and pushed a few strands of her flowing blond hair away from her face before waving her delicate hand over the brimming teacup. The liquid instantly disappeared, the cup as dry as the windy deserts of the southern continents. She gathered her pristine white robes placing the teacup within a pocket and stepped out towards the Great Ocean, her robes swaying gently with each step. It was still a few hours into the afternoon with Solaris II and III shining high above the towering, jagged angles of the cold, black buildings above, their light desperately trying to reach the darkened and cold streetways below. She gently bobbed her head as a low melody from afar wafted around her ears; she was drawn to it and knew exactly from where it came, yet knew not where it originated. Her light footsteps across the unforgiving sidewalk echoed through the desolate streetways of a developing city, the towers ceasing just a few blocks from the Zona district, yielding way to the sunlight and grand vistas of the beaches of the Great Ocean. Beyond that, a desolate and untouched island seemingly floated in the expanse of the Great Ocean, soon to become an equally, environmentally-minded bustling metropolis, soon to change the course of history for the Mainland, San Angeles, and Earth II. But, that was decades away, and she had no role in the development of anything. Her duties required only nudging this specie of meta-human into a prosperous utopia. Any failure, on her part or on theirs, would result in an equal fate suffered by the old citizens of Terran. Still in progress... This one is set about 45 years before the others, but it helps to add backstory, and will add a little mystery to the Lee and Pat characters. 
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. (Last edited by Zabuza on 11-09-07 09:38 PM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| So wait... Server One was there when Earth was created as well? What the? I must know more... post damn you! | |||
GuardianOni Shaman  Since: 09-07-04 From: The dark path Since last post: 5819 days Last activity: 5278 days |
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| I thought Tom also had something to do with server one...?
Who is the guardian, and what is her adjenda? This plot thickens. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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| The San Angeles city planners had long succeeded in laying out the streetway plans for the city, dividing the large plots of land into city blocks long before any of them had buildings or inhabitants. The sculptured wasteland in front of her seemingly spread for eons directly to the sandy borders of the Great Ocean. The AeroTrain track weaved around the future corners of buildings stretching out to the SubTrain transition connector before disappearing into an underwater tunnel stretching towards that far off unnamed island. The great continent/country of the Mainland had begun to spread beyond its boundaries, constructing the high-speed AeroTrain and SubTrain networks across most of the planet's continents; connecting the eastern metropolis of New Paris with the western fledgling attempt of San Angeles. The trip from one city to another averaged a mere two hours by AeroTrain since other stops in between were still far from being built, and the train was allowed its full speed of close to 900 miles per hour outside the city limits.
It was a long walk through the barren streetways of San Angeles, but she had reached the sea to admire its almost neverending expanse of blue and green. The air permeated her lungs, bringing back memories of the future, of Terran, and of a childhood she never had nor wanted. She stood, her silken white robes swaying gently in the ocean breeze, facing San Angeles, watching as buildings seemingly sprouted from the depths of the artificial Earth II. They broke free of their streetway constraints and stretched upwards toward the solar triplets' sunlight, and quickly raced for the edges of the ocean. Clean streets filled with automated transit solutions, personal and government vehicles, a network of elevated highways slithering around jagged edges of dark buildings. She took a step backward allowing a giant AeroTrain support leg to puncture through the sand. The track design changed, the train redesigned to travel faster, the city coming to life. For her, it was a matter of seconds to observe, but in reality ten years had gone by. She walked up the multi-tiered mass transit center to the AeroTrain level and waited for her commute back to the Cafe Rodin. The denizens had evolved in the dress habits, and quickly took notice to her presence. Her silver eyes pierced through the crowd, and everyone felt oddly at-ease. The train silently slid into place at the station as she closed her eyes to hear the bustle around her. Upon reopening, she sat in the forward car, next to an astute young man and his young wife, their little baby son nestled gently in her arms. The little boy smiled at the sight of her silver eyes. "He likes you," the young woman said cradling the little boy. "That, he does," the young man replied turning to the mysterious woman, "are you new to the city?" She parted her white robes turning towards the man, "No, I've lived here all my life. So, this is little Pat?" The man and woman looked quite puzzled. "Yes," they both answered, "but how did you..." "Shh," the woman in the white robes started, "it's best not to dwell upon that. This is my stop." She stood up, gently touching the little boy's head, and walked towards the door. Standing on the mass transit center's platform was a tall man, quite dignified, and attached to his strong hand was an awkward little boy, about the same age as Pat. The doors slid open, and as she walked past the man she smiled down at the little boy and whispered to herself, "I'll see you again tomorrow, and we shall have ourselves a little chat, Lee." The cafe had suffered the weathering of time and innovation, but still held its quaint charm. The owners had changed as well, but they still remembered talk of a woman that never aged, always appeared seemingly from nowhere, and always sat with her mysterious cup of "tea". The young woman behind the counter seemed astonished to see the robed woman, a woman she last saw when she was in her early teens. Where had she been for ten years? At her usual table below the custom green hue of the streetlamps, she watched as the first couple from the train walked towards the Elysian Apartment complex, a young little Pat teetering as he took his awkward steps towards the dark edges of the building. She sipped on her Earl Grey, slowly waving her hand over the cup as a shred of cream appeared in the cup, and watched the city fall into the darkness of night; the twilight of the two moons--Isis and Usirus--illuminating any portions of the city they could reach. (Last edited by Zabuza on 01-29-06 08:49 PM) |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4535 days Last activity: 4529 days |
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| I havent really read your previous storied, But Zabuza, you really cought my eye on your creative writing...
That woman in this story, she wouldent be mother Nature would she? I must read more... |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| Mmn, cool... so she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she doesn't age. I can't wait to see where you are going with this. | |||
caxama Archer  Since: 06-22-05 From: Petaluma, CA, you just gotta love that sunshine Since last post: 6639 days Last activity: 6252 days |
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| This is really interesting, it's like you know that you have to stop reading because the water's boiling over in the kitchen and the cat just ate the canary, but you don't care because all you want is the ending.
(I don't have a canary, but you get the idea.) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| I love that analogy, especially the part about the canary! It's so true as well! I mean, I'll read the posts and when it ends I'm just staring at the screen with the "but... want more... where is the rest, there must be more, NOW! Sleep? What is this sleep you speak of? " *eye twitches* | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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| She closed her eyes, feeling the soft breeze from the Great Ocean swirling around her. She found herself standing atop the plains of what would become known as Zedari Field on the unnamed island that would become Paradox Island. She watched from the great distance of the island as the city of San Angeles sprouted buildings, shut out light, and spread like a disease through the empty plots of land until nothing but a mesh of buildings was visible.
Her cup clinked softly against the table as she set it down. Morning had come, and the young woman behind the counter was standing in front of her. "Miss?" she asked, peering down at her, "are you okay? You've been sitting here all night." "I'm fine," her voice flowed as heavenly as the sea flows of the artificial ocean, "I was merely resting my eyes. Is it morning already?" She stood, her robes flowing behind her, and walked towards the Elysian Apartment buildings. At the foot of the building, a slightly older Pat and Lee played with little cars and trucks. They couldn't have been more than five years old, maybe six, and each had an malevolent innocence to them. Three years had passed as if from night until morning. She knelt down in front of them. Pat shot her his trademark condescending look while Lee just smiled. "I know you," Lee started, "you're the beautiful lady in white. Mommy says your name is Celeste." She smiled, holding her tea cup in one hand, "Yes, Lee. And, you, Pat?" Pat shrugged, but pointed at the tea cup, "What's that? Can I have it?" "It's a tea cup, and I'm sorry dear, but you can't have it." She gathered her robes and stood up to walk away. As soon as she stepped into the street, her surroundings accelerated, and she stood watching as vehicles zoomed around her, the trains whizzed by, and people blurred around her. She walked to the cafe, and sat down. Time resumed its leisurely pace. Outside of the Elysian, a teenage Pat stood cloaked in a dark trench coat, arguing with his father. In a window, high up the side of the building, a teenage Lee watched the scene below. She was intrigued and amused. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| Wow, you capture his ways so well... so when is his hair going to start thinning? Kinda creepy how time moves around her, but cool at the same time. Tell me more! | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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| Edit: I'm not spell/grammar checking here. I do that on the Word version of this document after I write it here. I also change sentences, paragraphs, and other stuff later on. This is like my rough draft area. Enjoy anyway.
Times had changed in San Angeles. Much of the Mainland had been populated by the meta-humans, and their presence was quickly spreading throughout the planet. With growth came change, and this change was heading towards an evil. An evil that possessed and proliferated through Terran, and ultimately fueled Terran's demise. It was a time when the Mainland government began to distrust its citizens. In a mad effort to control the populace, San Angeles began institution of a secret sub-government faction; it's sole purpose to be espionage and prevention of too much free will. Earth II possessed a quality of free thinking, an idea to living in unity as one specie--meta-humans--rather than individual races. As not to suffer the downfall of Terran, as many of the younger children learned in their schooling, it was imperative to keep the ideals of a single specie alive. Celeste, as she took on the name that Lee gave her, frequently visited government headquarters in San Angeles, New Paris, and San Cremento to make sure their members weren't heading into the paths of corruption. She knew of the rebellion movement in the burroughs of New Paris, and their counterparts in the slums of San Angeles. She had seen the spoils of the upcoming war, and knew of the good it would bring. Yet, there was an uneasy feeling within her. A feeling she had no experience dealing with. She had survived through millions of years upon the forgotten planet of Earth Prime, a faceless entity among billions, isolated and forgotten. But on Earth II, she had a visage. She had a history, and people knew of her, about her, but not what she could have been. It had been rumored, especially in the educational community, that she was the fabled quadruple-helix being. In her years on Terran, she had watched as people evolved throughout the ages, but their minds never changed. She had noticed that their dual-helix DNA remained untouched for eons. Then, in the creation of the meta-humans by the Higher Beings, she witnessed the melding of alien DNA with pure human DNA to yield the triple-helix all metas possess. There had been a fabled quadruple-helix, foretold by folklore that the Higher Beings had created to protect and serve as guardian to everything and nothing. She knew not of anything pertaining to her creation. If she was the quadruple-helix, then she was the Guardian. If not, it didn't matter. There was nothing else in the megaverse for her to do. Although, Ogle V was looking nice this time of year for a vacation. It was human nature to destroy and evolve and evolve to destroy. In an attempt to create the meta-humans, the Beings felt that an addition of alien strengths to human DNA might help them achieve that higher level of understanding. Lee and Pat had grown up together only because they lived in the same apartment building. Lee's father was a titan of industry, developing new transportation technologies to fuel the cities of tomorrow. Lee's mother had passed away years before in an accident while testing a prototype of the early AeroTrain/SubTrain transition connectors. His father had slowly acquired a bitterness that he unknowingly was passing onto his son. Pat's parents were barely surviving in the big city. Pat's father was a scientist working for the San Angeles government's special projects division. Pat's mother worked in a fancy restaurant chain as the executive chef deep in the richer areas of San Angeles. They both worked different shifts--day and night--leaving Pat to fend for himself in the darkness of their twenty-third story apartment. Lee lived across the hall, where his father often offered the services of their maid/housekeeper to Pat's parents. Lee and Pat were quite different, but they were forced to be with each other from the start. Pat's teenage years had grown turbulent. His father had been called away to the northern part of the continent, to San Cremento, to work on more government projects. Leaving his mother to hold up a job and take care of a rebelling, opinionated teenage was taking its toll on the small family. Lee's father had managed to acquire the building as a real estate investment, and was preparing to move his family to a new establishment--Paradox Island. The transportation business had skyrocketed, and he needed an area to expand his business. Celeste knew of all this. She sat in the middle of the location of the future Transportation Mobility Commission offices, in the untouched plains of a basin surrounded by mountains, feeling the warmth of the solar triplets as birds and squirrel frolicked around her. The winds changed direction, and she knew the days was coming. Lee would be in his early twenties when he discovered a knack for hacking the sprawling San Angeles computer network, while Pat would discover he possessed an immense talent to harness the power of nature for his weaponry devices. They would both soon discover the exhiliration of war and San Angeles' secret government faction--Harbor West. She wanted to accelerate time. To hover in the midst of the destruction and loss of life to a better, more prosperous time. But, she couldn't control time. It controlled her. It moved as it wanted to around her. And, throughout the next five years, it moved with ease of molasses on a cold, wintery day. Pat stood clad in the Harbor West uniform on the sandy beaches near the mass transit center holding a compression rifle and staring off into the smokey fires of downtown San Angeles. A rebellion member rushed towards his yelling and flailing a sword in front of him. Pat sighed, took a drag from the cigarette hanging off his lips, and fired a compressed solar energy wave at the rebel. Instantly disintegrated, with a large hole in the ground where he used to stand, the other members halted their advance and chose to retreat into the depths of the city. Lee dropped in from an overhead portion of AeroTrain track. The rebellion forces had succeeded in destroying a large portion of track the week before, leaving a deserted AeroTrain hanging from the track above. Earlier that year, Pat and Lee were scheduled to start schooling at the New Paris University of Technology, but the rebels had struck early. San Angeles' Harbor West had started closing in on denizens that possessed excellent skills in anything. Through a hacking accident, Harbor West found Lee. By proxy, Pat came along. Six months had passed, and they were both ranked among the top fifteen Harbor West agents. The destruction came easy for them. Pat was a bitter young man distrustful and hateful of everything around him. Lee had suffered the agony of living with a stubborn, work-driven father. It was a match made in heaven. Celeste merely sat at the ruins of the Cafe Rodin, at her usual table, under the red hue of a burning building, watching as rebel troops and San Angeles forces played war back and forth. The rebellion sought to change the ways of San Angeles for the better. To move away from the ideals of being a meta-human, and usher in a new age of para-humans. A society devoted to the expansion and flourishing of native Earth II peoples, and not an expansion of the incoming flow from other planets. There was a clash, and the western border of the Mainland was beginning to suffer for it. At around the same time, several denizens from San Angeles had broken away from the city to start anew on the recently named island of Paradox. They were doing well, isolating themselves from the beginnings of the Great War. Their Paradoxian government, choosing to protect itself from the interests of San Angeles and the Mainland, created its own version of Harbor West--Spec Ops. Since Lee's father had chosen to live in the city of Oakridge on Paradox, there was a conflict of interest between himself and the San Angeles government. Paradox had chosen Lee to become a double agent, working for both governments in the interest of Paradox. He had accepted. Only, if Pat could come along as well. They stood, facing the destruction of the city, agents in arms working for Paradox and against San Angeles, as double agents to the better ideals. "What took you so long?" Pat huffed at Lee turning around to point his rifle at him. "You wouldn't do it," Lee stepped forward pressing the rifle into his chest, "you don't have what it takes." Pat charged the rifle, "And you do?" "Yes, I do. Without me, you wouldn't be here," he tapped the nozzle of the rifle, "this wouldn't exist, and you'd still be riding on the hilt of my sword." He pushed the rifle away and walked past Pat. Pat was noticeably annoyed, but only because everything Lee had said was true. He was playing second string to the real genius. He knew that none of his creations would have come into fruition without San Angeles and Paradox government funding. It made his blood boil. He powered down the rifle, and followed Lee through the sand. It was getting dark, and soon the San Angeles forces would retreat for the night; a time for the Harbor West forces to flood the city. Celeste watched from the depths of the Zona district, sitting on chair in a protected field of solitude, watching as government forces slaughtered rebel forces, as rebels destroyed the towering structures around her, as an AeroTrain dislodged from its track high above and exploded in the mesh of rubbled buildings below. She watched and sipped, devoid of emotion and feeling, as the Great War gathered momentum and strength. Watched as Lee and Pat evolved and their relationship slowly dissolved. And, she waited. Waited for time to pass, each waking minute as seemingly long as the eternity from which it came. Darkness came with crimson fires burning deep in the city. The remaining San Angeles forces retreated into their secured domains, and the few elite Harbor West agents slinked into the shadows. A total force of just twenty agents, Harbor West possessed a terror known only to those that would have to suffer at the hands of the few. Lee ranked number two out of the twenty, with Pat following at number five. Their number one agent, a being from the Terran Solar System planet Venus--known as a Venetian, had maintained his ranking through an iron fist. He had many enemies, but none were more determined to eradicate him than agent ranking number two. Tonight was the night of his death, and the night Lee became number one. Harbor West gathered nightly on the beaches in front of the main mass transit center into the city before venturing into the city. They stood for a few minutes, watching each other, before disappearing into the city. There was no exchange of ideas, and no hierarchy among the rankings. The Venetian, Jo'Rel, stood in front of the scattered group, a small burning building casting a red hue upon him. Celeste watched, from the depths of the Zona district, knowing that his death would come tonight, but that she could not stop it. She knew that it would come at the hands of Lee, but she could not hinder him in any way, shape or form. As she sat, a rebel soldier ran up to her and deeply stabbed her with a jagged steel beam. The beam dissolved into her, and she smiled casting her arm up towards the soldier. He became one with the cosmos, and she had a purpose to visit the dry cleaners. There was a small ash stain where the beam had entered, and it was ruining her robe. The stain spread throughout the robe, and the woman in white had now become the woman in grey. She felt that the new color suited the new environment. Her cup filled with green tea, brimming and steaming, waiting for her to drink. (Last edited by Zabuza on 02-02-06 01:42 AM) |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 612 days Last activity: 421 days |
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| Wow, you put in a lot of description in there. Love the imagery. (Last edited by Rogue on 02-06-06 12:49 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| Awesome visuals as usual, though I can't help but notice the Discordian notations that are developing around Pat's character (23rd floor of the apartments, ranked number 5). Don't know if that is coincidence or not, but it plays well into his nature. I'm waiting to see the introduction of Tom. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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| In one choreographed motion, the agents entered the city slipping into the jagged shadows of nightfall in search of Rebellion scum. Pat darted forward, taking shelter in the dilapidated boroughs of buildings to prepare his solar energy weapon attacks. Lee followed closely behind Jo'Rel, expertly maneuvering behind his prey high above the city across inactive AeroTrain tracks. Jo'Rel had received intelligence pertaining to a gathering of Rebellion groups near the old financial sector, and was headed there in hopes of destroying faction leaders.
Celeste walked slowly towards the old financial sector, her footsteps echoing amongst the crackle of the fires, the screams, and the commotion. Rebels ran past her, torches held high and energy guns flaring; elite members of Harbor West dropping in on young faction enthusiasts, quickly terminating their lives before moving on to the next target. She was invisible to them all, her tea cup tinkling gently in her pocket. On the marbled steps of the old bank complex stood a shadow, silvered eyes gleaming in the moonlight of the lunar twins. He listened intently at the soft footsteps above. Another man, eyes as red as the forgotten Terran blood, descended in front of him, a long trenchcoat trailing behind. The two men glared at each other in the subdued light, each knowing that only one of them would survive to see the solar triplets again. She sat down upon the chassis of an overturned police cruiser, and sipped on her Earl Grey. The men leapt backward, each landing as softly as morning dew upon the marbled steps, swords gleaming in the dim light. "Can't handle being outranked by a Venetian?" Jo'Rel spoke, his voice firm and unyielding. "Less talk, more demotion," Lee yelled back, dropping into a running charge towards his rival. Lee shed the coat, leapt forward landing in front of his fellow agent, swords restraining their strengths. Jo'Rel strained under the rogue agent's advance, but managed to drop underneath and sweep away the agent's legs. Before a tritanium blade dug deep into Lee's chest, he flipped backward, kicking Jo'Rel as he rolled to his feet. The men stood, observing each other, watching each other's movements, listening to the struggles of the night. "You falsified the intelligence, I presume," Jo'Rel growled leaping forward, embedding the sword deeply through Lee's side. "Using that Venetian deduction, I see," Lee spat a stream of teal-tinted blood at him releasing his sword, rotating the Venetian's sword out of his side, and connecting a swift roundhouse kick to Jo'Rel. The swords fell in violent clangs, each sliding down the steps and disappearing into the streetway. Jo'Rel winced, but grasped onto the agent's leg, torquing it away from his body. Lee spun around, releasing his assailant's grip, and returned a powerful open-handed jab into Jo'Rel's chest. Jo'Rel launched backward sliding to a stop several feet away. Lee appeared above him, crushing his knees into the fallen agent's arms, a hand steadily upon the man's throat. "Was it worth it?" Jo'Rel struggled to voice through Lee's grip. "Paradox Special Ops thinks so," he pulled back to finish him off, but was interrupted by an energy blast, launching him off his captive opponent. As his vision slowly returned, a familiar figure stood in front of him, energy gun poised to shoot. "Pat?" Number one walked up behind Pat, "Finish him off. It'll feel good." A sinister smile spread across Pat's face, his gun powering up. Lee took a staggered breath, holding onto the gash in his side, the blood oozing into a small puddle beneath him. "It will feel good," Pat sneered, launching a crushing kick into Jo'Rel's chest then turning the energy weapon on him. Lee jumped forward, but the weapon had already discharged. Jo'Rel collapsed, lifeless and staining the steps of the building. "He's right, it did feel good." Lee tackled Pat to the floor, knocking the weapon away, and peered angrily into the eyes of his fellow agent, "You had to take my kill, didn't you?" Pat shoved Lee off of him and rolled onto his feet, "Enjoy your promotion," he smirked walking off to retrieve his gun and slip into the shadows again. "Next kill is mine!" he yelled at Pat, grasping at his side in pain, and hobbling towards the downed former number one. After collecting the swords and his coat, he, too, slipped into the shadows above. The deed for the night was complete, setting the gears of deceit and mistrust in motion for the coming years. (Last edited by Zabuza on 02-21-06 08:13 AM) |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 612 days Last activity: 421 days |
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| It's amazing how well this goes to One-Winged Angel while reading and listening to it at the same time.
Dialogue sounds fine. A lot of undermining and such that you'd hear when egos clash. There are a few redundancies in the writing, but nothing that can't be understood. Just little things like "Rebellion rogues"... it's like the "the rebelling rebels". And yes, I know my eBay account name and the title of my computer is "RogueRebel" 
Overall *thumb's up* |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| The only repetition that got to me was Venetian. Pronouns exist for a reason you know.
Otherwise, I do like the way you have the clashing of the egos... and it is indeed trippy how well that song works with it. When was the last time you talked to Pat anyway? It's impressive how well you maintain his personality in this with how little you interact with him. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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| I know, and I rewrote it.
After returning to headquarters that night, and assessing the casualties, Lee was promoted to first agent ranking. After another week, the Rebellion forces had strengthened, taking over the south eastern section of San Angeles and turning several of the office buildings into weapons strongholds. Celeste watched New Paris factions gain control over seaports and a space/airport, while Paradox Island sat in isolation to all Rebellion forces. The war started to gather momentum, and Earth II's future seemed dim. She found a desolate basin in the deserts of the southern continents, near the central power stations for the planet, to sit and sip on her blueberry tea. Military astroships sailed high above, her eyes serving as the projection screen to the souls of every individual on the planet. But, her mind always filtered to either Pat or Lee, and this particular flash of light found Lee standing in Paradox Island's Special Ops headquarters. In the middle of the large, sterilized white room, Lee stood clad in his Paradox Island Special Ops uniform. A series of panels opened around the room revealing a myriad of weaponry, each individual gun, cannon, and rifle aimed directly at him. Laser banks powered on above him. A voice chimed in from somewhere above, "Ready, Agent?" He nodded. A barrage of bullets, energy beams, lasers and grenade bombs launched forward towards the agent. He dropped down, leaping past the flying ammunition, beyond lasers, dispersing energy beams, and catching grenades only to crush them in his gloved hands. Dust whirled in the room at the completion of the exercise, burns, dents and debris scattered throughout. Huge fans in the ceiling cleared the room, leaving a well-protected, well-armored agent standing in its midst. "It works," he voiced back to the control room. With the war escalating, Paradox Island government research & development had discovered a way to integrate nanotechnology into meta-being physiology. Agent Almodovar had volunteered as test subject, and was proving that the suit had quite a potential to it. In just a few hours one morning, he had undergone extremely invasive surgery to install control units within his brain, spinal cord, arms and legs. A complete network of nanotech bots circulated through his systems, controlled at the speed of his brainpower, controlled at will. Providing him with an integrated defense shield that increased his own resources a hundred-fold. He had become Paradox Island's secret weapon, the perfect indestructible soldier. (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-03-06 08:49 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| So, when is Tom going to show up? I really want to see what part he plays in this war. Trippy things with the suit... I am sure that Pat is jealous of it when he finds out.
Oh yes, and the changes to that part make it much better now. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 912 days Last activity: 912 days |
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The morning fog roamed endlessly through the deserted caverns of the financial sector ruins, the light from the first of the solar triplets cresting a broken horizon of jagged building rubble and crippled AeroTrain track. Rebels walked the streets, heavily armed with weapons acquired from a recent raid of the San Angeles military base. They walked the streets, compression rifles sweeping slowly back and forth, searching for any foreign being not sharing in their ideals. Their clothes hung off their bodies in the same state of decay that the buildings rested around them. Expressions of combined fear and hardened will washed over their faces. The quiet before the storm permeated an otherwise turbulent city. Much of San Angeles had been claimed by rebel forces. The western coast of the city suffered the greatest damage, while inner sectors to the south had become property of the rebel factions. San Angeles government held fast to the northern and eastern portions of the city. Harbor West agents inhabited multiple regions all over the western Mainland coast. The rebels outnumbered the special agents 150 to 1, but each rebel still feared for his or her life. A mass evacuation had taken place the year before, relocating millions of people to the northern and southern continents. The rebels had claimed the western and eastern coasts of the Mainland, and were closing in towards the middle. Two years had passed. Celeste crouched in rebel garb, compression rifle in hand, behind an impaled portion of an AeroTrain car. It was far easier for her to blend in with the common folk of the para-human movement than to attempt to cooperate with the meta-humans. San Angeles seemed lost, but Harbor West felt it could reclaim the remaining shambles of the city. Reinforcements from distant planets--mostly outcasts--began arriving through any means possible. While the rebels held most of the ground tactical points, Harbor West still possessed the skies. Military ships hovered over parts of the city, monitoring rebel movements openly. One morning, a surface to air missile struck a transport, sending it careening into the Great Ocean. After that, all other ships were deployed under cloaked conditions. Lee, still ranking at primary agent position, had managed to maintain a reconnaissance position at the Paradox Island-Mainland SubTrain tunnel. His second ranking agent, Pat, had managed to secure the third tier of the Mass Transit Center nearest the tunnel as a staging area for a primitive Isis device. They had settled in, and never moved, for the past six months. They both had a scheduled rendezvous with a new recruit, an outcast from the Tarox system, in a few hours. A thick haze seemed to perpetually cover the city. Celeste leaned up against the rusting train car, hearing it creak slightly under her weight, sipping on a mixture of green tea with lemon. Her once emaculate face now stained with the ravages of war, her once silken robes traded for a dirty shred of woven garment stained with the sweat and blood of the para-human movement, she sat and gazed off towards the distant shores of Paradox Island. (Last edited by Zabuza on 06-03-06 09:16 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 79 days Last activity: 79 days |
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| Hmn, no character interation this time around, but a very good update. It's weird to see Celeste like that though, but it's better than her just fast forwarding through it all. When shall we see the next installment? |
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