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| Xeogaming Forums - Interviews - Interview with The Venomous Lobster |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica.          Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| The room was white, and kept cool. Everyone wore white, and all of the staff members had butcher knives. In view of the stage, right behind where the interveiwees would site, was a pot of hot boiling water.
Vulkar walked on the stage, and the white-clad audience clapped politely. "Welcome everyone," he said. "Except for you." He pointed towards an old lady wearing her nice clothes with a cross on her necklace. She glared, and walked out of the audience. "I'm here to present a special guest." Vulkar said. "Which, I would try and make you all guess, but it's dead obvious judging by the thread title. I'd like to call the man who originally entered through my nose here. A man who is actually a lobster, and, one who if he comes through my nose again, will be thrown into the boiling pot of water behind me and fed to the staff member's families. I present, the insane, the unpredictable, Lobster!" |
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venomouslobster Scarfy  Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| Standing amongst the ruins of downtown tokyo, the Lobster hears the call
a great hue and cry goes up amid the land dwellers as the Lobster prepares to fold space, quivering his mighty claws, reality herself moans, twitches and cleaves to the Lobster's will. suddenly he is in another place... *a large censored panel goes up over the area where Vulkar stands as a lobster of Godzillian proportion falls out of the stunned host....but not his nose* Hello everyone, glad to be here. *shrinks to lobsterian proportions, climbs into the boiling water and props himself up with his claws* |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| Vulkar glared, he was going to get his revenge. This Lobster was not going to survive this interview. "Now that we have that irritating thing come out of you," Vulkar said, "how about you tell us how you came to Xeogaming, who brought you, and some of your msot interesting experiences."
He thought of what he could do to make this lobster pay...maybe something about hammers, or perhaps just a heavy object. Explosives would work, but all he had were those owned by Acme... |
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| * at the tparticular time this specific exact post was posted The Venomous Lobster was bery bvery veryveryvefryveryvery blitzed out of his mind on christmasy beer...please accept his apologies for what he may or may not say&*
" honestly i do not at this particular time remember who brought me to this place but i do recall it was either pockets, elara or BigTom (guardianpenisoni) probably elara, because she is probably the only person who could con me into joining a message board, seeing as how i dont believe in it as a communicatrion method" *poo tumor*&* Watch amv hell 3* maybe she's born with it.... ....maybe its maybeline "pinky... are you thinking what i'm thinking? " "I fink so, Bwain ...but burlap chafes me so..." (Last edited by venomouslobster on 01-26-07 02:22 PM) |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| "..." Vulkar was silent, this Lobster was strange, but he quickly recovered. "Alright, assume that Xeo, after suffering from a concussion, mixed his name up with yours when registering this website, putting you in charge. He decides to take another long break after being kidnapped by Darkslaya, and you are now the dictator of this place. What would you change, who would you put as your staff members, and who do you think woulod be the most likely to rebel?" | |||
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| *taps his enchanted shimmering foreclaw against the potlid thoughtfully and then utters the reply in the form of a haiku*
"you all would be slain reanimation, undeath Logos would rebel" |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| "...is that so..." Vulkar wondered about this creature, it was unique, disturbingly unique. A few people behind Lobster came and started pouring salt and pepper into his pot, and turned up the heat. Surely this creature couldn't live in water boiling that hot, could it? He considered telling them to put in some sort of poisonous liquid...
"On to the next question." He asked, "as far as education goes, what college/school/whatever do you go to, and what do you plan to do as far as a larger carreer?" Vulkar considered what would happen if Lobster was already working on his chosen carreer. Nothing good. |
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| *as it pondered the answer to this question, the lobster breifly discorperated into a cloud of individually packaged, microscopic, deisel powered, flying toasters which swirled for a moment and then reformed into a Lobster of similar size and dimension to its previous avatar, then continued simmering thoughtfully as it replied*
"well currently i am enrolled in Long Beach City College, and i am taking general ed requirements but my past education history constist almost entirely of theatre conservatories (LA county highschool for the arts, and the Acadamy at LACC). At the moment i am playing the part of Teirisias in an adaptation of Sophecles' Antigone, and also taking a history and speech class. *smooths back an antennae* I plan to get a degree in Zymurlogical Arts (in laymans terms: beer/wine brewing and liquor distillation) and minor in Organic Chemistry in order to suppliment the brewing, though i still plan to pursue theatre activly" (Last edited by venomouslobster on 02-06-07 09:51 AM) |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| Vulkar was suprised, he didn't need to be confused!
"Tell us about people you know. Surely there are plenty of people who don't come to Xeogaming that you know, so tell us about them, and as usual, while you're at it, tell us about any people who you are more than just...friends." Vulkar decided not to use the next plan yet, the Lobster answered the last question properly, maybe he'd give him a reward. |
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| Jason: an irascible young man, possessing of a great love of slurpee, he is the stuffomancer
Cody: a legend in his own time, spiritual visionary, thoughtsmith, and pothead Michelle: a perfect specimin of the rare Dwarf Jewish Boobed Night Owl...she is beyond all help Justin: a man who through ruthless political acumen shall RULE THE GALAXY and then get bored of it Nardberd: this man may or may not infact be a disguised Winnie the Pooh Ken: Man of ACTION! and SLAUGHTERING YOUR FACE! and many more... but in terms of love there is my one and only Snuffles! (elara) |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| Vulkar pressed a button, the cooks started sharpening their butcher knives.
"Tell us abotu any jobs you've had. What you did for that job, where it was, how much you enjoyed it, and what you thought of the hours." |
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| *begins exuding a buttery garlicy sort of scent as he launches into the next answer*
"well at the moment i work as a sabat master in the eldean reach...rectum sprinkles.... ...wait no... terribly sorry, what i meant to say is that i am a golf cart wrangler at Harbor Park Golf Mines. Basiclly my job is to speak to the golf carts in soft soothing tones and then scream loudly when they arent expecting it so that in their golfy surprise they exude their delicious pungent golf cart "squeezings"....or i wash them and put them away. i used to work as a Chevron Mindslave Customer Service Drone in the days of $3.00/gallon prices. my job was to distract gas users with snacks and icy beverages while dick cheney rifled through their pockets for valuables....and sell people overpriced gas...then they would generally yell at me because they suspected that it was my idea to charge them so much earth moneys for their gas...they were wrong. also i work at shipwreck as a monster who scares people...i am very good at it at the moment i am trying to get into proffesional theatre, as i have a very strong backround in it and woudl like to make a career of it lemmings." |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| "So, on that subject, what theater productions have you been a part of, and what interesting things have happened during such productions? Also, tell us an interesting, and humorous thing that's happened when you have been in one." | |||
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| *time stops for half a month or so and then resumes as normal*
"wow that question covers a whole lot of ground. Suffice it to say i have been in about two heaping scoops of assorted plays and amatuer theatre. I have done shakespeare and beckett and assloads and assloads of sam sheperd, i have been in crazy ass plays that seemed to be written by trained weevils and i have done amazing plays that rocked my loins with glory (a look back in anger...check it HOUT!). I have farted loudly infront of hundreds of people (oddly nobody noticed). Once i played the devil by putting one leg over my head and hopping onto the stage bellowing like a galapagos tortoise having an orgasm (that may sound odd but strangely enough it was almost the exact sound i made...nature shows are fun). While playing Richard III ( or tripledick, as i fondly refer to it as) in a production directed by Ted Lange (he played the bartender from the love boat evidently) i tripped over a throne and gashed my leg nearly to the bone...but since the character is crippled anyway i played it off as normal and merely spent the next 45 minutes limping (normal for Richard) and bleeding all over the stage (less than normal)...that was the preformance that all my exes went to ....at the same time....and sat in the front row....in chronilogical order...that was a weird production. Also in this latest production (antigone) i blocked a sword with my arm!wheeeeee" |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| "Now, we're going to be getting into questions about things I've never heard from you. Tell us about your family. How many siblings you have, your opinion of each, what you think of you parents, how you were raised, ect."
Vulkar shook his head, that question was about as general as the last, but as long as Lobster answered it, all would be good. |
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| "for the betterpart, my siblings are assholes...Clones count as siblings right? In anycase i am the only natural spawn of the house of Cox. ...and my parent creatures are groovy...mom manages an arcade and dad works on something he isnt supposed to talk about but sounds like it would be incredibly dull even if he did, and they are both loving and supportive and bla bla bla.....next question"
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| "Next we're going to have to discuss politics," Vulkar said. "I've seen you post occaisonally in debate, but I've never gotten any clear information on the subject. What party do you support, what's your opinion on George Bush, and do you think we should have gone to war in Iraq? Also, what's your opinion on the death penalty and abortion?" | |||
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| I am a radical i suppose...definatly not conservative in any way shape or form. And i dont support partisan politics, i mean just because a large group of people have similar views dosent mean you can make them agree on anything...or get anything important (other than vying for position) done. I suppose i could be called a benevolent teleologist. (it might be prudent to point out that many of my beliefs are wildly conflicting with each other) Basicly i belief that rulership should be disspassionate, logical and calculated in how they do things but taking the passions of the people into consideration....so far i have no idea how this is to be done. Socialism seems to be pretty good, but shitty for the economy.
George Bush is an idiot who needs to be hit over the head with a sockfull of nickels, wake up the next day in the Iraq desert with a gun and a humvee and get his own damn oil. No Beheadings would be totally fine with me. Abortions tickle EDIT: HK47 for president! (Last edited by venomouslobster on 04-20-07 10:03 AM) |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica. Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| "Alright, there aren't many more questions for me to ask," Vulkar said. "So I'll just have to go with asking about what you like o do in your free time. Do you play video games(if so, what?) roleplaying games(again, which?), read(who's you're favorite author?), or some other form of entertainment?
The cooks threw salt, pepper, and various other spices into the pot. A very heavy lid was held above, ready to snap shut at the end of this interview. |
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venomouslobster Scarfy Since: 05-03-05 From: california (knows how to party) Since last post: 6329 days Last activity: 5578 days |
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| all of the above. i guess i shall break it down by catagory:
videogames: world of warcraft (stupid game, but addicting... i have an awesome blue crab, her name is Lulabelle. quillboars suck!) and oblivion, which rocks so very hard! roleplaying games: i am currently in various d&d games, as well as some besm games that are hardly ever played. reading: i read a lot, and currently my favorite author is keith taylor. he wrote the Bard series, about a true bard of Erin... it is quite awesome. |
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