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| Xeogaming Forums - Game Over - FINALLY!!!! |
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Truth/Serum Cheep-cheep Continued Harassment.         Since: 03-07-05 From: In pieces Since last post: 6285 days Last activity: 6257 days |
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| I did it! I finally did it!
I just qualified this morning! I passed my final oral board 
To fill people in on what I'm talking about: I just qualified as Electrical Operator at the MARF power plant (our trainer) Joined navy 29th June 2005. Completed 6 months of 'A' school for an electrical operator on March 10th. Started end of april for Nuclear Power school and graduated there beginning of October 2006. End of october to now, Nuclear Power Training Unit (Prototype school) I'm so relieved. I just completed the highest hardest training pipeline that the Navy has to offer. 2 years in the works, finally done!
Now I'll be getting out of here at the end of the month, to my next command. I should know any time now (hopefully tonight) where I'll be going to and what submarine I'll be stationed on. So I get 30 days of leave in between leaving here and getting there. I'll use this summer to go hoe, relax, and try to start my personal life over again. It's about time I try to live again. Now that this is out of the way, I hopefully will have a good short summer break 
Not entirely sure what I want to do from here, but I'm trying to figure it out. [Disclaimer: below is update/rant]I still haven't really pulled my head together yet, nor have I been able to find a direction to take my life in again since my ex left me last year. I'm really trying to figure out what I want, and to be honest, at this point I've no idea. Been going through the emotional falling off the cliff of apathy into depression for a long time now. I think I completely isolated myself from most of those who cared about me, to try and keep them out of it (such as my family) and several of my friends have had to back of, because they haven't been able to deal with my depression since. Not that I blame them. I've been a rather stagnant pool of black water that hasn't really stirred much into any sort of anything in a long time. I honestly don't know if I'm even over my ex leaving me yet. I know my heart isn't. I gave my all for that relationship. But I let my family issues get to me too much and I went into depression, and that brought all of my other personal insecurities to bear, so I was depressed, and then I was dumped, left with an engagement ring and everything I'd been working for out the window. I don't know if I'll ever be okay with what happened. But I'm still tryin to at least live with it. Barely, oh so barely doing that, but I have been. I guess. I'm going to be buying a car in 2-3 days. Be driving across the country depending on where I'm stationed. I look forward to seeing my friends and going camping for the first time since I joined. Maybe go to the beach for the first time with my family and friends since she left me. Slowly try and get my life back. Piece by piece, I want to be able to enjoy my life again. Don't know what to do about my friends, or my family. There's lot's of issues going on there that have been causing most of the insanity in my life.Still in massive amounts of pain over my ex, still issues with family from before, a few new ones that aren't going to be fun to deal with soon as I get home... But whatever. I just hope I survive all of this. And then I have to survive myself. But that's another issue all together. So now I'm done with training. Got my entire future ahead of me. My past is behind me and will be coming along, but at last it's not exactly a road-block anymore. I'm just happy I'm finally done. And now what I do is going to be for me. Not for her. At least that's what I tell myself now. I just wish I knew what I wanted 
But at least I'm done! I've made it. I've made it. I'm so tired, I'm crashing (Last edited by Truth/Serum on 06-11-07 02:50 PM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| I am very proud of you, both for passing and for working to get your life back. I hope that you get a good car and some decent maps to get you to the west coast again. Remember, the 70 is your friend. | |||
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Truth/Serum Cheep-cheep Continued Harassment. Since: 03-07-05 From: In pieces Since last post: 6285 days Last activity: 6257 days |
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| Yeah. Went over to admin last night. Saw the list of orders.
I'm being sent to the USS Montpilier. It's in Portsmouth NH. In the shipyards. SO... I'll probably be flying home for my 30 days off. Though I've just found out a few things that have made me severely depressed again
But hey, my grandmother survived another surgery today. Cancer. again.
I honestly don't think I've many friends left here on the board. I haven't posted hardly at all since I've been in the Navy, and that's been this past 2 years. It really hurts to think about some things. But I think in the long run, I was just never really meant to make it. We'll see what happens. But I don't think I'm going to go on much past this year. Even with the help from my friends and family, I still think I made a mistake a year ago, and it's something I think about every day since. And things just get worse and worse every time I take a look around. I've even ruined several good friendships over this too. I just hope in the end, I don't hurt anyone else too. Though I'd certainly want to. This madness in my head has to stop. I want the pain to go away, all of it... But I don't think it's going to. Too many reasons why it's not going to. And I can't stop them. Not without doing something that's going too far. God what's wrong with me |
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Xeios You WANKER! Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 5075 days Last activity: 1385 days |
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| Another self-pity thread, eh? Well, I was hoping it wouldn't happen, the title "FINALLY!!!!" made me think of good news, great things, happiness. But the first paragraph (if you can call it that) was the only joyous news throughout the thread.
Truth, my advise: Break off all contact with your ex, seeing as how you're not over her, speaking to her will only prolong your feelings, being near her, seeing her, etc. This will only make you long for her more, not make you happier. It will only strengthen the attachment on your end, and weaken it on hers. I've had a similar problem letting go of a girl before, and it made it impossible for me to enjoy other relationships, until I was with her. Then I realized how imaginary the relationship was, how juvenile and childish I was acting. Romantically chasing after a girl whom had a boyfriend at the time. The story goes: I spoke romantically to a girl named Brittany for a while, she was cute, nice funny, and I really liked her, but she was going out with some loser. I tried to pull her away from said loser, she wouldn't leave him even though she wanted to, and my heart was hurt. I dated someone else, missing out on the good qualities of the girl I dated, simply because she was not Brittany. Eventually, me and the girl broke up, and I got together with Brittany, and the happiness lasted for about 4 months, I broke up with her a week or so after our 5th month. My reasons: The relationship was not as perfect as I thought it would be. She was not as perfect as she seemed. I was unable to see her. She didn't tell her parents about me. She told me repeatedly that she wanted to marry me(which scared me because of the above listed reasons). Then, I isolated myself from her, I made myself stay away, I forced my life to not have her in it. And it worked out for the best, for both of us. That is why I am suggesting that you do not contact her, mourn her on your own time, not hers. Force yourself to believe, that she has died in a tragic car accident, or something along those lines. And don't speak to her, it's easier that way. |
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Truth/Serum Cheep-cheep Continued Harassment. Since: 03-07-05 From: In pieces Since last post: 6285 days Last activity: 6257 days |
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| Honestly, I wish it were that easy. We've not had any real contact in a long time now. Haven't even talked to her on the phone since last november now... And the few times we messaged eachother after that went.. poorly to say the least, mostly due to my making very poor decisions in trying to fix/prevent a few minor things that ended up fireballing in my face, and making matters far far worse, and put me in that current state of zero contact with her ever since.
And I think I've got a few more serious issues to deal with. Mostly it has to do with letting go of the past (Something I've never done before in my life, no matter what it's been. And that's just part of who I am unfortunately) The second part of that being I gave my all for her, and there's a lot of things even about myself that can't ever be changed now because of that. Beyond all that, I loved her for several years, and she was my best friend up till the bitter end, and she was my best friend for the year prior to us getting together as well. So that makes it harder to deal with. When she left, I lost both the girl I loved, and my best friend, my future, my comfort, my hope, and my dreams. And my world felt oh so much smaller and emptier. To be frank, it still does. And that's the problem. I dunno. As far as the first post, it WAS originally a happy post But then I got distracted, then upset over something else, and when I came back, finished writing it in a different mood. And upon realizing that, edited it and put in the disclaimer.
Also, you're the second to last person I'd expect to comment in anything I put up, but I do appreciate the honest advice. ACTUAL advice too. That's always preferred over "Just get over it" which I get all the time Thank you, even if I've heard it a lot before. (Which also is a problem in itself, that I've been hung up on this long enough for it to reach the point where it's all become repetitive and going nowhere )
ON A GOOD NOTE: I've got a new car Well, new for me. It's a 97 chevy Blazer decent car,though the fan belt squeaks when I run the damned thing. I'll have to get that looked at sometime. But other than that, it runs real nice and I really do like it.
Saw Pirates 3 today too with a friend from work. We liked it, though it's not the same as the first two. Different in a lot of ways actually. But oh well. It was good enough for what it was. I really liked Barbosa in it  |
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Katana Dark Wizard \"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"  Since: 08-15-04 From: Philadelphia, P.A. Since last post: 1556 days Last activity: 1373 days |
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| Okay. Do me a favor? Stop talking about me. Stop making threads about me. Sure, ya don't point fingers, but I'm fucking sick of it. I'm not going to comment on anything more, but stop. talking. about. me. I don't like it and I am specifially telling you to stop. I dunno...maybe telling you bluntly to leave me alone in front of everyone will work, cuz when I've tried to keep it between ourselves, you don't seem to get that contacting me after I tell you not to is harassment.
You have a right to speak your mind here and what's bothering you. Fine. Except me. I don't bitch about you here and let my opinions known to everyone here about you. Show me the same respect. You have the right to speak your mind, but I also have the right to tell you to stop talking about me, just like you would have the right to tell me to do the same if I were talking about you. Now. I want this thread closed, and I think I have legitimate reasons for asking it to be done. If you wish to continue talking about the other things you have mentioned, I'm sure it will be perfectly okay if you make a new thread. Thank you. |
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Xeios You WANKER! Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 5075 days Last activity: 1385 days |
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| Y'all heard the lady.
*Closeration Domination* |
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