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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Once again... caught in between |
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True Flight The One         Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| There really should be a class on decision making in college. Perhaps a common knowledge 101 or something.... I'm having a tough time deciding whether I want to save a friend's marriage, watch his boat sink, or totally leave him behind. I've been involved in situations like this before. I don't know maybe I'm just to merciful.
He's a great friend of mine and he made the mistake of allowing his wife to be with other people while he was deployed to Kuwait. Personally I think he's going to be stuck in this situation for life, because he keeps getting walked on. When he brought the issue to me, I felt like yelling at him for being a complete and total idiot of the entire spill. Instead I told him that he was far away and getting separated would be stupid now because his wife would be very well... vindictive. He agreed. We had this conversation last night and he continues to spill his guts out to me and I point out the obvious. Which he agrees with me. So if he agrees with me... I guess I can't save his marriage but I feel like I'm obligated to try since he told me all of his problems. Or maybe I should just be there for him to lean on while his wife does all the stupid crap that she does. Or maybe I should just stay off of YIM altogether and just leave him hanging... I'm so lost right now. |
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Lord Vulkas Mormonus Vile High Xeodent of Xeomerica.  Since: 10-29-04 From: North Carolina, United States. World, Sol System, milky way Since last post: 96 days Last activity: 96 days |
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| If you're really his friend, then do what would make him happy. This much should be obvious.
So my advice is to try to give him advice on how to save his marriage, act through him. Tell him what o say to his wife, and how to try and save his marriage. If you can't do that, you can try to help directly, but geting between two people, even to keep them together, always has a risk, because with a single mistake, and you'd regret it. My question though is, if his wife is doing things with other men, is he going to have a happy marriage, if he does succeed? If she quickly went to do things with other men the second she got a chance, it doesn't really show a lot of loyalty on her part... |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4558 days Last activity: 4552 days |
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Originally posted by Vulkar I agree, right there is what cought me. Now I dont believe in the whole Women Venus, Men Mars deal, but I am sure you can help him out through the eyes of his wife or something. You know what I mean? Instead, you do what you always do One Shot, spice it up with a little bit of your personality and give him a one - two special. Just open up to him and help him out. If he is open enough to talk to you about this stuff, them I am sure he is just as receiving in advice coming from you. Just do what you have to do. |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| I'm sticking to helping him out... So please do keep me in your prayers. I hope this doesn't turn out like the last time. =_=;;; | |||
avatar of law Beezo  Since: 12-29-04 From: paris, canada Since last post: 5769 days Last activity: 5769 days |
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| I say just leave it alone. For one, you aren't married right? If not, this is a different realm than what you're used to.
Secondly, this guy sounds like he hasn't gotten a prayer of being a responsible adult. If he's being walked on, and seeks advice from someone else, it simply means he's a jelly. He'll need constant help throughout his life when things spin out of control. Not only has it spinned out of control, he allowed it to. Helping him will only give him a sense that it's okay for him to let things go out of control because there's always going to be someone who'll fix his messes for him. I say just leave it alone, and the problem will fix itself. Obviously it will escalate to the point where the marriage will end. Rightly so it should because it doesn't sound like either the two are responsible adults to take care of their own lives. Let them learn from their mistakes, otherwise they'll repeat the same shit and will need to be bailed out everytime. My two cents =p |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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Originally posted by avatar of law It already has.... Which is what I'm trying to prevent him from doing it while he's away from his home. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| Honestly, I'd tell him to have it annulled if possible. He should have never condoned her seeing other people in the first place if he was not okay with it. Hopefully he has learned from this. | |||
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| Marriage between swingers is a weird thing though. I never really thought about having this come up to me in the first place. Maybe I brought it on myself for being the reasonable friend and listen.... | |||
Cyro Xero Rune Mage  Rave Atom  Since: 02-23-05 From: Minnesota!! Since last post: 51 days Last activity: 51 days |
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| It's like this: More often than not, marriages in which a partner has sex with somebody else and is allowed to do it will have difficulty staying together, if they do. It's hard to say why your friend let his wife sleep with other men. Maybe he wanted her to go ahead so she wouldn't get the urge to cheat on him later, or maybe she is indeed just walking over him. Either way if he wants this to work then he's going to need some help. Talking to his wife about this will help, but it might be best to seek counseling. And unless he has friends who have good criteria in that field he should seek a professional. Friends can only do so much. I get the feeling that he'll continually live with this problem if left alone, not being able to get her to stop.
Before I go any further, did this already happen, or is it going to happen? |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| She already has a guy.... But he's distancing himself from her and talking to ME more than her.... |
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