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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Turns out my younger sister is suicidal, in a special hospital for awhile... |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator          Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 89 days |
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| So, what to do.
This development has pretty much come out of nowhere for me. This year has been tough on my sister, it's her first year of High School and she hates it. Apparently she hates a lot of things about herself and thinks that others (like her boyfriends) are too good for her because she's apparently horrible. It turns out that she's been cutting herself over the last few months, but today was the last straw with my parents apparently, she really injured herself in one of her legs. She was diagnosed with ricketts when she was born, had to wear leg braces in elementary school, and she'll be on a lot of medication for that for the rest of her life. She is constantly having to do checkups, things like that, and well, after all these years it's finally getting to her. I don't know how she's held on with this for so long, she can go in for procedures like it's nothing. Physical appearance seems to be an issue and this is a major thing with her legs. She's rather short, and it bothers her a lot. This year she may potentially get a surgery done to straighten out her legs, even though after all these years you'd have to REALLY look to notice it, with all the things she's done they've drastically helped and healed her legs. She just looks normal. But to her, I guess she isn't and it's still an issue. She has apparently tried to overdose on [legal] drugs more than a few times, so we're not sure if there's liver damage. She's been on a few antidepressants, as I have too, but our cases seem radically different. She's been seeing some people for therapy and I guess that's not helping. History and details aside, my sister and I, about 5-6 years apart have not had much of a relationship for the last several years. We're like apples and oranges, just incredibly different. This bothers her a lot it seems, she brings it up sometimes to her therapist according to my mom. I feel pretty guilty here, I just wish she wouldn't take it so personal because I don't mean any harm ... as my parents jokingly tell her "YOU have to talk to him and he'll talk back!" ... I've always been more of an interpersonal person when it comes to being home. This year I'm even thinking of moving out and I actually think that could help our relationship ... but I don't know. We both know though, that I love her and she loves me as brother and sister. We've been through a handful of tough times throughout the last few years, having ot move around a few times, the loss of our very close grandfather, my depression and junk, and we're there for each other as a family. But yeah. I've decided that I'm going up to the medical research institute (she'll be there for a week or so, now at least) sometime this week, alone, to hopefully get something across to her. Day by day passes as my mom tells me more details of her issues this year, and cutting herself to the point of injury and being put in a special hospital has done it for me. I really don't know what to do and if it will even help, but I know she respects me a lot and I have been guilty of not being much of a brother to her. I don't want to bluntly tell her if she asks, I went up there alone without our parents knowing, but I hope she learns that detail, because I love her and wish she would stop with whatever this bullshit is. I was very depressed throughout late 07' and most of 08', but never reached the point of being suicidal. I guess that could be a subject to talk about, how I felt and how she is feeling. I hope it's not wishful thinking, but I can only hope that me doing this alone and being there for her support will knock some sense into her and whatnot. If you can, please feel free to lend me some feedback on the issue at hand, or if you/you've known someone that's suicidal and how to get around that. I just... don't know what to do or what to say. Edit: Will there be any special permission/shit I'll need to get to visit her? I just really hope I can get up there without going through my parents about this. I don't want to go up there as family, but as a brother that's there for her. (Last edited by Xeu on 05-04-09 11:54 PM) |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4377 days Last activity: 3991 days |
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| Because she's a minor, you may need to get permission from your parents to visit her.... I think.
As for the whole situation... We're in a very similar boat. My little brother is kind of the same. He was born with a disorder so that his entire right side is bigger than his left (he even wears two different sized shoes), and had a very hard time with his appearance and going through school. He hardly had friends, wasn't social, etc etc. He joined the military and was doing great. Now he's in and out of a psychiatric ward of a hospital... doing weird drug combinations and partly suicidal. None of us understand... we think it's odd that it would randomly come up like that, and it will probably screw up the rest of his life. The best thing you can do is be positive and talk the person into understanding. But, since she's young and in high school.... she may be a little angsty and not willing to budge on her opinion. I really had to push on my brother that his entire family loved him, along with naming a few of his friends who cared. It's hard. I thought I had a close relationship with my brother.. then it seemed as if we didn't know each other at all. Good luck, I'm sure your sister will be okay given some time. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 646 days Last activity: 455 days |
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I actually wrote out a response to this, but I guess I forgot to post it before I left for school this morning. 
If I remember what I wrote, I think I was saying that since you're an adult and you're her brother, you probably shouldn't have a problem getting in. Does she have any hobbies? Is she artistic? A writer, maybe? Encourage her to express herself, especially through art and writing. Maybe even through acting. She feels like shit and needs to get that out and feel like someone cares. The danger zone with suicidals is when they feel numb. When they start cutting they're usually trying to see if they can feel anything at all. Outside of being encouraging and supportive, there isn't much else you can do. |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 89 days |
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| That's the thing, is that she's incredibly talented with music. Growing up she's always had tons of instruments and ended up learning all of them pretty easily (helps that my dad plays the guitar a lot, still). Nowadays she's gotten so good that I walk by her room, hear here playing on the keyboard and singing, thinking I'm walking by some professional studio or something. Even recently she played some of her own original music at a coffee shop, and this week she was apparently supposed to go to some choir that only she made from her class (or something like that).
So yeah, music is definitely her passion. But she's incredibly shy about it. Though like with the coffee shop ordeal, she was nervous before it started but when it did she played music like it was nothing. I'm not sure if this is part of her issue, having a lot of anxiety about expressing her music openly or something, but I dunno. I'm sure she understands even professionals can get scares and nervous before shows and such. Anyways, you guys are right, the answer to this is pretty simple, I just really need to step it up and be encouraging. I'll keep you guys updated. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 646 days Last activity: 455 days |
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| Definitely take the support up a few notches. If she's half as good as you say, really push her love of music.
Don't try to force her into being a rock star or anything, but music is very positive and you absolutely should encourage her. Go to her shows, compliment her, and just be there. Best of luck with her, Steve. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 112 days Last activity: 112 days |
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| I used to cut when I was in high school and I did try to poison myself once but that is as far as it got. I never really wanted to kill myself after the poison incident.
Like everyone else has said, you just need to be more encouraging and let her know that she does not need to do stuff like this. High school is tough, as I am sure you remember, and for girls it can be even worse because such emphasis is placed on our appearance. Try your best to get her to open up and then just listen to her and give her advice. Above all, be honest and make sure she knows it. Tell her your opinion about how good she is with music and how proud you are of her for it. She has a gift, and she should not squander it because of some high school angst. As for the thinking that her boyfriends are too good for her... give her this message from me: They are not too good for you. In most cases, from my experiences, it was always the other way around. No matter what anyone tells you, you are a good person there is no one and nothing that is too good for you. I am sure that deep down most of those boys think that not only are you good enough for them, but that they are lucky to have you in their lives and that they are the ones that are not worthy. It took me a long time to realize that about myself, just as it takes most girls a long time. However, the sooner you realize it about yourself the better off you will be. Regret nothing and do what you love to do, and to hell with anyone that tries to bring you down. And stop cutting. Trust me, you will regret it later. I have so many scars that I hate to show my arms sometimes. You don't want that. I don't know your exact reasons for doing it, but all it does is cause more pain, it solves nothing, it's pointless. When you want to get something out, pick up a pen or an instrument instead of the knife. You will thank yourself for it later. |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 112 days Last activity: 112 days |
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Moving out actually helps a relationship flower with your siblings.  I should know, me and Yuzu wouldn't stop bickering at each other and then there were days where she would approach me and my next answer was... Yeah... Okay... No... Right.... Okay... And that was the conversation. Honestly...
I'm sorry for your situation, but moving out will definitely be a good solution. |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 100 days Last activity: 89 days |
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Originally posted by Elara Well said and it's probably the truth. I will try to and say something along these lines to her. They are the lucky ones to be with her. True: Yeah, I can't help but think that if I moved out and was completely away from her (and the family), it might spark up all of our relationships. Then when I would come to visit, or we all get together, we'll actually want to be together and it'd probably just be a lot nicer to see each other. I don't know if that sounds kind of weird or selfish (I could very well be the only one in the family that thinks this), but that's kind of how I see it. Though I don't want to leave an empty void between my sister and I before (and if) I move out sometime soon, so I just need to step it up. |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 112 days Last activity: 112 days |
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| small word of advice. Save up money for three months worth of rent and electricity and don't live off credit cards. =_= | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 112 days Last activity: 112 days |
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| Yeah, credit cards = bad. Use only for small things that you can actually afford, and do that only to build up your credit, no more than one purchase a month. |
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