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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - The mask is coming off for a few.. |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy!          Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4546 days Last activity: 1634 days |
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| Been a bit depressed lately. Job sucks, Home life is getting rough, and the love life sucks. the only thing really keeping me going are the few good friends I have left. I love them to death. They are my family as far as im concerned.
Job: well to put it plainly, it's a mill. I love the people I work with (well some haha). But the fact that im working in a dying industry isnt helping the situation much. Every day I go in theres a chance of a lay off. So far weve been working 3-4 day weeks for the last few months with very very few 5 days in there. I pull green chain so it's one of the hardest and body killing jobs you can get into. The only plus is it keeps me in somewhat of shape and can say I have a pretty smexy body because of it haha. But that's the only positive I can see. I bust my ass every day and all I get from my boss is that I can do better and that im the "Weakest Link on the chain". though I look at it and see that I get just as much, if not more product off the chain, plus have a better looking load at the end. Yet it's becoming obviously apparent that he's very racist I guess. Being Hispanic, all the other Hispanic workers are like gods gift to the company to him. It's starting to get really annoying putting my self through so much bullshit. The only reason im in the place instead of quitting is that theres no other places around that I can make anywhere near the same amount I am there. I would go to school, but im in debt about 7k, which to some isnt a lot. but it's still going to take me a while to get it paid off. so until then im pretty much shit out of luck. Home: As many of you already know, my Grandma has Alzheimer's disease. Its gotten to teh point where all she does is sits in her chair, naps, drools, and stairs off into space. We have to get her up every 15 mins or so to take her to the bathroom or else she has a accident. She can barily walk, she never talks, and looks at everyone like were a bunch of strangers. My grandpa just recently had a heart attack and hasnt been able to do anything since. He went into the doctor for some texts and found out that one of the arteries in his heart was 99% blocked. So 2 days later had to go in to put a stint in. So now im up getting the wood in, chopping it, throwing it in the wheel burrow and trudging up the driveway so the family can have heat. I keep on having thoughts of memorys. Of the 2 people who pretty much raised me and how they were and then looking now and not know what to do. I already know that when they pass that im going to be a wreck. I wont be able to do anything but sit and cry. I feel so down that I cant do anything to bring them back and see them as they once were. Why the hell did they have to get so much shit for being some of the kindest, nicest people around. Me and my mom both agree that if there was a god, Why the hell would he punish a woment with that kind of disease when she was one of the most devoted Catholics you could know, Prayers before every dinner, Church every wednesday and sunday, Read her prayers daily for hours on end. Plus so much more. Makes me just want to curl up and cry (Btw up till now isnt really a rant, more like a depressed getting shit off chest type of thing, now onto the bitch rant) We also have my aunt Mary living with us. I love her to death, and was once one of my favorite aunts. But now it's almost a daily occurrence where she disapproves of everything I do. Whether it be piercings, tattoos, my hair, the way I live my life. ANYTHING!! She always has some smart ass thing to say or that look that tells you that you failed in her eyes. Not sure how to please her besides from being a little bitch ass preppy who cares what everyone thinks. To top it off, I still deal with the whole Steve issues (for those of you who know/remember) Treats my lil sister like shit, puts her down, says he's the best father in the world. Yet does things that would prove otherwise. Just goes to show that some bipolar people should be put away or shot to keep people safe. Oh, and if anyone ever hears that im in jail, well it's probably true. He is still the only MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT IN THIS WORLD THAT I WOULD KILL ON THE SPOT AND HAVE NO REMORSE FOR WHATSOEVER..(Just needed to get that off my chest) Love: Well here's something that would surprise some people that know me. What? Geoff has a heart? No way!! Yea.. I may flirt a lot, but that's just my personality. At the bar, restaurant, store, dosnt matter. I am polite and courteous. The nickname "manwhore" that some friends have given me is somewhat accurate, but it dosnt mean I just dont give a fuck. The name dosnt piss me off or anything, just throwing it out to give a little example. Out of all the people ive been with, there have been only 1 or 2 that would be relationship material, as in have same interests, and so on and so forth. Everyone else ive dated.. well... lets just say im tired of being Cheated on, lied to, and used. Im so tired of meeting girls and getting hurt. I still dont understand why it's so hard to believe that someone actually is interested in dating and a relationship. Though good luck finding someone around here that will believe it. Bringing back my personality, "Im so nice, Im just looking for a hook up" sort of thing, which sometimes is true, but it's stated in the first place. So it's not much of a surprise. haha...(doubt any of that made sense, but whatever) But most importantly. My friends are there, and they are the only things really keeping my going. Kaijin, Nelrith, and Genocyber are my family and always will be. I just wish there was a "Restart" button somewhere that I could press and do some things differently. So Cheers everyone, I think im going to have another shot, another beer or two try to not be so depressed and call it a night.. Sorry for ranting so much, but it feels so good to get it out for once. So much easier typing than talking in person.. *Sigh* |
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Cteno Super Shotgun Moderator Since: 01-11-05 Since last post: 94 days Last activity: 91 days |
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| It's always better to get it all off your chest. I know how you're feeling, definitely, but you're definitely worse off and you seem to keep your head high most of the time.
I think I know now why I look up to you so much, you're able to hide it much better than I ever have been and still be yourself at the end of the day. As far as bipolar people being shot, consider me and everybody on my dad's side of the family dead, hehe... The difference between my father and I, however, is that I admit to myself that I have these problems and I learn some damn coping skills. Hell, I wouldn't mind at all if my dad started taking meds like grandma Gypsy but he's just too damn stubborn! And on to the love life portion... I've only been with two women in my entire life, both being very good to me. Regina was with me for 4 years and Kittie was with me for 4 days. Probably worse than the loneliness was the heartbreak of splitting up, seeing that they would rather post on Facebook how lonely they are, but it feels like, "I'd rather be lonely and miserable than be with you". A sexual relationship isn't hard to find in the slightest, I've had offers that I've turned down myself, but love is almost nonexistent where we live unfortunately. With me, love is the number one thing I hope to find so it really hurts badly. If you ever need a friend to talk to, you know how to get a hold of me and you don't need to bribe me with food/alcohol to get me off my ass either! 
PS- and sorry, I tried to give some kind of useful insight but I instead just started ranting about me... Oh well, it's already typed up... |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now, but I do feel that I need to say something... don't you think you drink a bit too much? I see your posts on facebook, and coming from a family of alcoholics I have to say that it has me concerned. I just don't want you to try and drown away your problems to only create new ones.
I know you cannot do it right now, but you might want to explore moving somewhere else in order to get a fresh start. Not anywhere far, maybe just a bigger city or a different valley, where there are more job opportunities and nicer people. |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4546 days Last activity: 1634 days |
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Originally posted by Lord Nelrith the Badass that's why I said Some. Ive know plenty of pretty cool people that are bipolar. Just some of the none cool ones get on my nerves lol. Originally posted by Elara I agree, ive heard this before actually. I do see that I may have a problem at times. That's why I keep it to a minimum and keep it to the weekends. I mean this last weekend I didn't even drink much. Maybe a beer or two. Plus when im in a sour mood i try to stear away from the booze unless im with friends that I can get cheered up with. I know, excuses, excuses. Haha and as far as moving, that's almost the plan at the moment. Not sure when or where. I have plenty of places to go. My mom wants me to move to Idaho with her in a year or so. I have my dad and his wife out in Denver that wants me to move out there. A aunt and cousins in North Carolina, My good friend Kali is moving to Tampa FL in the next year or so and wants me to go with her so I can have a new start. or I could always just head out on my own for a while. You know the whole "wherever I lay my head is home" type of deal. |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 101 days |
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| before you do the whereever I lay my head is home thing why don't you just think over your plans. Make some personal goals... Like getting a degree or something. Believe me. It helps before you do the "New Start" thing. | |||
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream  Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1678 days Last activity: 865 days |
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| Naturally, life sucks. But what can you do about it?
I've always laughed at a line of reasoning. "Why would go do that" Mind you, I'm not religious. But I've had to this about this question, since I've asked this limitless times before, and I came to a conclusion. It's an issue that has occurred to better you in life. It make you use to it, or to make you prepaired for something in the future. Your grandma, yes she's lost it. But she's not in pain either. Just think of her as... Not in her body right now. I'm sure you know what I mean by this. Your Degree? All over that =P You saw the information recently, aha. I'm here to help ya bud. If I could memorize, learn, and pass, so can you. If not easier then I did. Your love life? Yes, we call you a playboy, manwhore, that sort of thing. But you have a pink mohawk, horrible facial hygeine, and some really crazy peiricings. Some girls think it's nifty, but a lot of the girls you'd attract with that, mixed with your flirtatious life style, are people your not going to want to end up with. No offense bro. Just stating it as I see it. If yer own brother won't tell it straight, who will, yea? Plus theres the other issues you havn't mentioned. Those I can tell ya are massive issues. But we can discuss that in private, aha. Love ya Bro. |
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