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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Sister is pregnant |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator          Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 88 days |
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| Not as young as my mom was, but she's still 19 and this wasn't planned at all. The father is a f**king moron and apparently being very resentful now. He's got DUI's, suspended license, is a literal hoarder, and in the several years I've known him he's only had one short lived job. My mom thinks this will more than likely separate them for good, this idiot has dragged down my sister for years. It's not good for the kid, more than likely unless my sister finds a real man in the next few years (which is my story, don't know my birth father either), but it'd probably be for the best if this guy is out of her life the sooner the better. She'll probably want to keep the kid. Shes' had a lot of issues over the years and is self destructive, so maybe this'll save her. But still she had some big plans going into nursing and all, was ahead of the game having taken courses in high school, etc...
Complicated stuff. Just a lot of anger right now I guess, not at her, but as a guy I'm just insanely resentful against him at the moment. It doesn't help that he's older, not as old as me, but still f**king old enough to be a man. I let my family know it's probably best I don't see him for a very long time, because I'm not sure what I'd do to him. I'm here for my sister, gonna love the kid I'm sure, and yeah. I guess I still need to remind myself though it's their battle and not mine. Lots of females here so it'll be interesting getting your perspective on this.  |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 111 days Last activity: 111 days |
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be sure to comment on how big her boobs are getting 
I totally know where you're coming from. If it were my sister that was pregnant not me I would go insane on Chris. The two spend so much time traveling in between homes it's not funny. I would be totally supportive. She get a due date yet? Like I said before... As each month goes by say GEE SIS your uterus is getting bigger and your boobs are GINORMOUS too bad your ass doesn't match that issue. I'm clumsy... so by the last trimester you're gaining at least two pounds a week. I sprained my ankle just standing in place and twisting it... That's 209 pounds with no support from my ankle. Thank god someone caught me. If she's a clumsy person... She's going to have a hard time moving around even more now. Her joints are shifting and are more flexible. By the third trimester she may want to make sure that she doesn't wear any rings. Her hands will swell. other than that. You're doing the right thing making sure she is well supported. |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 88 days |
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I'm not sure if I needed all that information... 
Yeah she's due for December. |
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True Flight The One Since: 08-21-04 Since last post: 111 days Last activity: 111 days |
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| I am just giving this from my perspective as far as the progress of being pregnant goes. =P | |||
Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 111 days Last activity: 111 days |
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| On the one hand, not all of the blame is on the guy since it takes two to tango and doesn't sound like he forced her. But his reaction? Yeah, fuck him.
I think your sister should think long and hard before she comes to a decision on this. A child could help curb her self-destructive tendencies by giving her something outside of herself to care about, but it could also not do a damn thing and the child will suffer as a result or you and your parents will have to take care of it. The outcome is up to her. The one good thing that is hopefully guaranteed from this is that the relationship will be over between them. Reacting like that to news of a pregnancy is and should be a deal-breaker and prove to your sister that he is never going to be there for her. Hopefully, she sees that and is as pissed about it as you are. I don't think she needs to run out and find a "real man" though... there are plenty of strong single mothers, and as long as she has her family at her back, she should do just fine. |
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Katana Dark Wizard \"She said tonight...come on come on collide...see what I fire feels like..I bet its just like heaven.\"  Since: 08-15-04 From: Philadelphia, P.A. Since last post: 1566 days Last activity: 1383 days |
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| If I hadn't grown up any since I first joined here, I believe the old self would say "What the fuck. She's too young. She shoulda been smarter...that guy is a tool." and probably lots of other really closed-minded things.
But then I grew up. Best advice/input I could offer is to look at her and only her, and do your best when making judgement calls. There are way too many people in my family, so I believe I can at least honestly say I have first hand experience in seeing that things operate on a case by case basis. My second oldest niece just turned 18 and her kid will be 2 next month...she was getting into drugs and ALL sorts of bad shit, but the second that stick indicated "baby" she was a whole new person. She pulled a complete 180. She's even gotten her GED and taking general courses at the community college so she could go into nursing when she's done with the generals. She's supporting her kid extremely well. The baby herself is sweet and grabs at your heart the moment you see her, so the baby is spoiled because people fall in love with the kid, let alone my niece having a network of support. BUT, she also let me protect her. Not from responsibility, but from her mother(my sister) from babying her and giving her plenty of reasons to NOT take responsibility for her baby. I have another niece who is wild, and if SHE got pregnant, I'd be SHOCKED if it turned out well at all. So, when I saw a kid, and my mom was a fuck-up about all sorts of shit, I was very closed-minded and saw things in black and white. But just understand that what might be the best for you and your sister is to take her personality and situation into consideration before anything else. And support works. When I had a miscarriage, my family was there for me, despite them being the way they were over the years, and it helped me get out of the deepest depression I had ever been in my life. Support works. Just find a way to be supportive without coddling too much and the only way to do that is to just think of her, how she is, and her needs, not anyone else's. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 645 days Last activity: 454 days |
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| Xeo man, you're definitely not alone, and all I can say is to be supportive.
This won't be your burden to bear, but just be there for her, especially if your niece/nephew's father won't be the one to be the positive male role model this child is going to need in life. |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 88 days |
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| Thanks guys. Elara, most of what you said sounds a lot like what my mom said, heh. This guy is just out of the question, he did something again recently ... I can't remember exactly what happened but it was just more bullshit. I can't believe he's 22.
I guess adoption is in the mind of my sister now... but the downside here is that when my mom and I talked about it, it might by the guy's idea, and we are extremely fearful she will fall into her usual embarrassment / guilt and make the decision for him basically, which should absolutely not happen. Either way, the guy is not going to be there for her, she will hate him for failing to be a father, or not giving a shit if the baby goes up for adoption. I just wish she would tell him to fuck off now. To me, that would be the ultimate test for him... if he cared, he'd do something about it, if not he wouldn't. My sister has got to be done with this moron. She's done some big turns herself though. Right after she found out, she quit smoking and she's dropped most of her medications (making her extra out of it lately), has baby magazines, and is showing a lot of interest and excitement in the whole thing. So... maybe it's a good sign of things to come. Either way you cut it though, things will be tough for her. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 645 days Last activity: 454 days |
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Originally posted by X When my boyfriend's 17-year-old sister was pregnant she thought about going the adoption route for a time, but changed her mind. The counselor she spoke to about it even said that 4 out of 5 girls don't go through with it and decide to keep the baby. Still, I'm glad to hear your sister's becoming more responsible for the new life she's constructing inside her. |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 88 days |
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| Yeah, that and I guess my mom knows a handful of people who went the adoption route and it really hurt them, sticking with them for life pretty much 20+ years later. Who knows... | |||
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 645 days Last activity: 454 days |
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| How's your sister doing, Mr. Xeo Man? | |||
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 88 days |
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| I think she's pretty okay recently, but the guy has been around the house a lot more lately. It's... very hard to say whether that's good or bad, to be honest. So it's still kind of a weird situation.
A few weeks back, they were arguing about marriage. Arguing. I mean, there's just no way that can turn out good if it comes to that. It's hard to be a bystander on this. It's going to be complicated I'm sure. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 645 days Last activity: 454 days |
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| Arguing in what way? Was she wanting to and he wasn't or something?
You're right about the complications. Unplanned pregnancies almost always are a tangled -- I don't want to say "web" because that implies there was some design and planning in this -- mess... yeah that's the word. They're a mess of emotions and legal battles filled with broken and unfulfilled promises and half-baked plans to solve problems that arise. With any luck the father will step in and try to be a man about the situation (though I've only occasionally seen this happen for more than the first month or so of the baby's life before he re-settles into his old ways and goes a-beaver huntin' again). Is your sis still thinking adoption? |
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Xeoman Ball and Chain Trooper Administrator Since: 08-14-04 From: 255 Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 88 days |
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| Not sure if she's still thinking about adoption or not. In general, I don't think the reality has still really hit her. I'm sure once that belly starts showing it'll be a slap in the face or something, hate to put it that way but yeah...
I don't know what the argument was about, but I just overheard them both yelling at each when they were talking about getting married. No idea what it was about, other than I just clearly heard they were yelling about marriage... lol. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 111 days Last activity: 111 days |
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| So... Xeo... any updates on all this? | |||
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 645 days Last activity: 454 days |
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| Yeah, Xeo, get your 10,000th post out of the way already and give us an update! |
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