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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Living with a demented old woman |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance         Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| This morning, without much notification, Lola was placed in a nursing home in Bellflower. I wasn't told until 30 minutes before we were standing in front of the place.
It's a bit wistful around the house right now, but at the same time we're all a bit relieved. I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling, more than I almost wish she was still here. The home she was placed in is actually more like a house. It doesn't look like a hospital at all. Like you could easily mistake it for being a grandmother's home. I'm glad she was put there instead a place that was anything like the convalescent home I worked at. (Last edited by Rogue on 03-11-12 08:57 PM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 135 days Last activity: 135 days |
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| My great grandmother was in a home like that before she passed away, it was a really nice place. I can only assume how bittersweet it feels, but hopefully it reduces the stress in your life now that she is getting the care she needs and you are not totally responsible for it. | |||
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| Yeah, I feel confident these people will take good care of her. When we walked in, the place smelled like beef and broccoli stir-fry cooking, and all of the old folks were either watching the big flat screen TV or sleeping.
We brought her some pictures last night to hang in her half of the room. Her roommate is apparently a heavy sleeper, in fact she was asleep the entire time we were in her room, getting her settled. And since she doesn't live with me any more, this thread can be closed. After two years... here's a tiny bit of closure. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| I ended up re-opening this thread because I've been dragged through a lot of grief lately.
My parents keep having to front money for my grandmother's care (diapers, clothes, getting her hair and nails done, etc), but still have to go through my aunt to get reimbursed since she took all of my grandmother's money and my grandmother's social security goes into an account that also has my aunt's name on it. This aunt is no stranger to squander other people's money on her gambling addiction as well as on anything else she wants. In fact, she's already spent all of Lola's money and no one knows how. After months of talking about it, we finally took her down to Bank of America to try to get the account closed and put the money in her Wells Fargo account. My grandmother was too inept to tell them anything herself and started telling these wild stories about how my mom (who's traveling through Europe right now) is desperate and needs the money. Even when they said they won't close the account, but she could withdraw she was still too off-the-wall batshit crazy and never answered any of their questions. She would ask me how much is in the account, I'd tell her I don't know and she should ask the banker, but she wouldn't. She would say, "Can I just get a little out?" He'd ask how much and she'd answer, "Whatever you think is all right." We'd tell her she has to give him a number and she'd go, "I don't know how much is in there." And it went around and around like this. Worst yet, while we were sitting there waiting for the guy to come back we noticed he was on the phone and not long after I suddenly was getting a restricted call. The only person who uses a restricted number to call me is this aunt. Now the only way that account can be closed is if Beth closes it herself. So we've tipped our hand to Beth, ended up leaving the bank angry, weren't able to get Lola's nails done (which annoyed the nursing home since we've taken her out twice for that and weren't able to get money either way), the bank thinks we're the ones trying to steal her money, and there's no method of stopping Beth. I feel like crying. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 135 days Last activity: 135 days |
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| *hug*
What happened to the legal investigation for elderly abuse against her? |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| My aunt pretty much lives in a fort. Her house, including her driveway, is completely fenced off and locked. There's seriously a bike chain wrapped around the front gate.
She also doesn't answer the phone, and screens every call. The authorities have sent people over and called her, but since they haven't been getting any response from her they just... sort of... let it go. 
I don't know what to do. A couple days ago I brought my grandmother a pile of clothes so that she'd have more to choose from at the home, but she seriously started shrieking and crying and declaring that she wants to die until one of the nurses came to hold her. Honestly, my grandmother has always been a drama queen. This has been the most frustrating ordeal. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| Ahhhh, revisiting old bullshit that continues to plague this family.
My parents and I are the only people who visit Lola. We take her out of the home every Sunday to have breakfast at our house, and it's always been difficult getting her back. She always cries that she going to stay with us and when we keep insisting that the home is better suited to care for her she starts playing up how Beth would take care of her, how my cousin, Eric, is always there for her (he HATES her guts), and how they love her more. This past weekend was the worst, she kept shrieking that she wanted to die if we didn't let her stay. And when we'd say she had to return to the home, she would switch to demanding that Beth will take her. Every time we tell her that isn't true, she'd keep pumping up Beth's virtues (of which she has none). I got angry and started doing that slow, over-emphasizing-every-syllable way of speaking into her ear about how Beth stole all her money and won't even come to see her, and she would deny it and cry that she's going to kill herself. It got to the point that I positioned myself behind her, lifted her up while she played dead weight (I wasn't about to pull her up by her arms; I might dislocate something), and then forced her to stand and got her walking to the car. I know it seems heartless, but we simply do not have the proper resources to caretake her any more. Once she got to the home, she was fine. Suddenly she walking around kissing everyone to say how much she missed them. As mentioned, we're the ONLY ones who visit her. If my uncle ever comes, it's to take her for a doctor's appointment. Beth never comes by. Evelyn's in Sacramento, never calls, and just plays up that she's too busy to do anything. And that just leaves us. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| UPDATE TIME. Because, yeah, this is always fun. *softly weeps*
So... about a year ago, my aunt pulled up stakes and moved to Las Vegas without telling us. She still collects the social security money, even living in another state. A complaint was filed with SS against her. My parents and I (nor Brandon) weren't the ones who filed it, BUT we're getting the blame for it all the same with my uncle calling my mom a traitor because he's now alerting us that he gets about $300 or so from that money a month, under the table. Nothing had come of that complaint, and from what we understand, it's been closed. This is all old news. New news, however... Yesterday my mom received a notice from Kaiser Permanente saying they have discontinued Lola's Seroquel prescription due to her being put on sedatives. Mom was confused and called the home, only to be informed that since May Lola has been put on hospice care. We were never informed of this, but the heavy sedating explains why she's so very out of it when we've had the opportunities to visit. It was like night and day -- she went from combative and walking on her own to not moving much and staring blankly at everyone when she's awake. It's not KP who prescribed the sedatives, but rather the home's supposed in-house doctor. We came by unannounced yesterday to find the living room area (which usually has some of the residents sitting in the armchairs, reading, etc) completely deserted. As we walked to Lola's room, we noticed everyone is now being kept in big, padded hospital beds and they all look sedated and knocked out asleep. We selected this place because it was more like the residents were staying in someone's house and not a hospital with nurses treating them like they're all at death's door and making them sleep all day. We're not sure what to make of this, right now. We're curious to know if my uncle signed any paperwork OK'ing this. Supposedly by her being on hospice care, she's receiving free diapers and other things she wasn't getting before, which means less money my uncle has to front from the house/social security and that can all go straight to his pocket. Lola was in her bed, with a male nurse standing over her bed and he wouldn't leave us alone with her (I happened to bring a camera, which I intended to take pictures with in case they might be needed later). She looks to have lost so much weight, she nearly skeletal. My dad wants to talk with the owner, since this seems like it was unilateral decision to force everyone into a sleep state at all times. If we find out that my uncle did indeed sign papers to put her like this, we're going to reach out to him next. (Last edited by Rogue on 07-13-14 02:03 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 135 days Last activity: 135 days |
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| That is disgusting. How can anyone allow people to be treated in such a way? | |||
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| We spent a couple hours at the home on Saturday to protest the sedation. A few people's family members came by and didn't seem to mind that their loved ones were out cold. In fact one woman came in to yell at the people on duty saying they aren't checking on her father enough because when she came to see her father he was sitting at the edge of his bed trying to get up and was practically commanding them to sedate him.
I understand worrying about old people being fall risks, but this is all very unsettling. As a person who loves to wander around and not be cooped up is this what I have to look forward to should I get old? |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 135 days Last activity: 135 days |
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| *Shudder*
I cannot imagine doing that to someone. My mother just turned 75 today and she is surprisingly spry for her age... she has had a few falls, but I would never EVER consider doing something like that to her. |
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Rogue If you're reading this... You are the Resistance Since: 08-17-04 Since last post: 669 days Last activity: 477 days |
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| My grandmother passed away on March 23, 2015.
I delivered her eulogy. She was 93. I've had several mini-break downs over her passing. Some were in public, much to the confusion of bystanders. It's safe to finally close this thread. |
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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Living with a demented old woman |
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