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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - The Shaman |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!          Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 936 days Last activity: 936 days |
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. "Shh," she whispered, her dark hair flowing across her face as the warm breeze whirled around her. The dark cloak that had weathered all time flowed gently in the breeze shrouding her from the harsh rays of the sun as she knelt over her wounded husband. His teal blood streaming through her delicate fingers while she cradled his head. He glanced up at her, the twinkle in his eyes slowly fading, looking past her at the swirling clouds above. She stood, her cloak swaying in the wind, and mouthed a small prayer to the departed spirit of her love before removing her golden elken staff. Her hands outstretched above her parting the cloak revealing the sacred colors of the ancient ones offset by a large golden medallion hanging from around her neck, she raised the staff high above her head shouting the words of the ancients to the unyielding sky above. The wind picked up around her, violently moving her cloak off her shoulders forcing the sun's rays to dance upon the silken threads of her shaman's garb. The clouds enclosed above immediately darkening the small meadow. Her husband's slayer stood meters away watching the scene unfold, dreading his fate at erasing the shaman's love. Her husband twitched slightly, his body beginning to glow an ethereal green. The clouds darkened seemingly shouting bouts of thunder rolling across the hot mid-afternoon sky. She forcefully stuck the staff into the ground releasing a rumbling blast of energy through the ground extending rapidly across the grassy meadow in an encircling stretch of power. Her dark hair flowing gently around her shoulders, she turned to face her husband's killer. He stood, meters away, holding the murder weapon proudly outstretched towards her, the gleaming blood tainted blade of his sword slightly twitching in the man's cold hand. He stared at her, his eyes as cold as the steel that had pierced her husband's heart. The glow subsided, and her husband's body departed with the glow dissolving into the essence of the meadow. The clouds thickened choking out all efforts from the sun's rays to pierce through. Ruffling sounds of grass, quick steps muffled on the ground, a low rumbling continuous thunder above, the meadow waited for the clouds to part. She never moved. Her husband's killer stood where he had before, his body drained of its life energies, a small scorched circle at his feet. His sword impaled in the ground slowly swaying back and forth in the breeze. The clouds lightened and parted allowing the orange and pink sunset to permeate the atmosphere. She lifted her head and glanced at the patch of grass that had held up her husband before. The body of the mysterious killer slowly drifted away on the evening breeze, its charred ashes dancing in small tufts of wind around the flowing leaves of the elken trees. She dropped to her knees and ran her fingers through the soft grass. A single tear sloped down her face. "Shh," she whispered. (Last edited by Zabuza on 11-09-07 09:48 PM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 102 days Last activity: 102 days |
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| Wow, that is very interesting... and she's really powerful. As always, your visuals are excellent, and I love how the only dialogue in the entire thing is "Shh." That is awesome!
Teal colored blood? |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 936 days Last activity: 936 days |
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| There's a few spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that can't be fixed. I felt it conveyed enough on its own with mugging it up with dialogue. "Shh" was enough.
The teal blood? I don't know. I was watching something that was that color on TV and it stuck. I know that one of the alien species in Paradox has teal blood. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 102 days Last activity: 102 days |
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| Yeah, but I though you said that this wasn't set in PI though. I think it looks really pretty in the mental image though... as odd as that sounds. Care to explain how you came up with the entire idea? I know who the inspiration loosly is, but the rest of it I find facinating.
I like how the killer dies. Heh heh heh. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 936 days Last activity: 936 days |
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| I was watching a PBS movie, "Whale Rider", about some aboriginies (sp?) from New Zealand and their ways of the ancients...women not being tribal leaders and struggles of that...and the idea just kind of popped into my head.
Short story, never meant for it to be more than that, just something small to piddle out using a female protagonist, a little earthly magic and sorcery, and a motive fueled by loss of a loved one. I think I had just finished reading and critiquing somebody else's work on losing their grandfather, and just thought I could take a spin at it. Mainly, I used Elara as the Shaman, basing it loosely on her physical and mental characteristics. I'd like to say that Venomous was her husband in the story, but I made up the husband character. We don't read much about him anyway. The killer I based on an ex-best friend that my little circle of friends know all too well. Just my way of departing with him, so to speak. Then, it was just a matter of setting. I wanted to stray away from the Paradox Island world that is stuck in my mind, and create a new world...but set it in a fantasy realm. So, the middle of a grassy meadow somewhere near the time of sunset with a few clouds circling about. I was thinking sometime in the Earth equivalent of spring. This story isn't meant to be too in depth as far as length. Instead, I left out any dialogue and tried to convey emotion through the use of literary imagery. Adding the single "Shh" at the beginning and the end helped to tie in the emotion a bit better. I'm not saying that I'm going into short story and flash fiction writing. This is just the technique I use to further expand upon my writing skills. It helps me create flash environments so that I may be able to expand and revise my current larger, more in depth environments. Paradox Island's world is incredible huge and diverse, and require lots of imagery to get it right. So, these little stories are practice. If I can at least create images in other people's minds, then I have succeeded. I never meant for this story to carry a dark undertone. It was supposed to start off on a semi-sad note, followed by a hint of anger and darkness, ending with a resolution and continue sadness. I think I did that nicely in just under 500 words. It's 499 to be exact. |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 102 days Last activity: 102 days |
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| Yeah, I knew that it wasn't venomous... and it actually does seem fitting to have that particular person be the killer. I personally love these little excercises of yours since they always prove so much fun to read.
Now the question is, when are you going to continue the Paradox Island series? |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 936 days Last activity: 936 days |
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| A lot later. It's being work on. (Last edited by BREW Ninja on 11-15-07 11:29 PM) |
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