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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - Halo:The Final Call |
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Spartan Metal battleaxe Is back. Kind of.         Since: 11-15-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 90 days |
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| Hey tell me what you think...I just started to right this...and couldnt stop more to come yes yes...
Halo: The Final Call [Setting 2553 June 6th 0800 Hours Earth Time] Location Earth Castle Base Australia Spartan 318 Jacob awakes from his 8 hour rest period. “Morning Jacob” A female voice says “Morning Alice”, Jacob replies,”What is on the schedule today?” “You have a weapons test at 0930 and a squad training exercise with the marines at 1800 hours” “Weapons Test…What do they want me to test?” Jacob asks inquisitively. “Need to know classified…You’ll find out when you get there. I advice you to suit up though” Alice replied. Hmmm….interesting No info…Must be good stuff then Jacob walks over to his set of MJOLNER Mark VII battle armor and begins to suit up. He grabs his magnum holsters and straps them to his waist grabbing his magnums and four clips for each shoving them into his pouches. “To the firing range then.” Jacob steps outside the barracks ignoring the two marines that snap to attention as he walks out of the barracks towards his M12 LRRV aka the Warthog. This Warthog has been heavily modified. It main armament has been changed to a special Side to side Configuration with a Gauss Cannon and a 40MM Chain Gun on the rear turret. “Well Alice lets go and do that weapons test.” Jacob says. Alice shimmers into place on the center consoles Holo Pad. Alice like many AI' chose her own appearance. She appears to most humans wearing a unique gold and silver medieval armor with large black wings and long silver hair. “Certainly”, Alice Replies Jacob shifts into gear and drives off to the firing range. This is puzzling that I don’t have clearance to find out ahead of time what I will be testing As Jacob arrives at the firing rang all of the marines at the checkpoint bring their weapons to their shoulders ready to fire if his ID doesn’t check out. “Sir I’ll need to get a retinal scan before I can admit you to the test.”, says the stern faced marine Jacob steps out of his warthog and takes of hiss helmet and presses his eyes to the scanner. “Wheep!” went the scanner “Your cleared Sir.” Answered the marine. “Thanks.” Jacob Puts his helmet back on hops back into his warthog and drives to the testing area spotting Rear Admiral Jon Osborn and General Kale Donahoo. Looks like the brass is here for this one Jacob hops out of the warthog and immediately salutes Rear Admiral Osborn and General Donahoo. “SIRS!” Jacob Yells “Hello Jacob” Kale and Jon reply simultaneously while returning Jacobs Salute “Jacob We have four new weapons for you to test. One of them is highly explosive…We want you to walk into that tent over there and test out the weapons inside. We will be recording you through satellite imagery and Cameras all around the Firing Range.”, The Rear Admiral Said “Sir! Yes! Sir!” Replied Jacob. Jacob double timed it to the tent and he was amazing at the new weapons. The first weapon looked like a new sniper rifle. It had a 2x 5x 10x and a 45x Scope. He examine one of the clips next to it and was shocked that they were firing a round larger then the 12.7mm in the in this new sniper rifle. He guessed it was a 60 Cal. Round it had a 5 rounds inside the clip Jacob hefted the new sniper rifle and slapped the clip in and chambered a round. “Whoa…Alice what is this called” Asked Jacob “This is the new Zero Point Energy Sniper Rifle. Extremely lethal. Could almost punch through the Scorpion tanks armor. Please Notice that there is no shell case around the bullet…Its all inside the Gun. No need to recharge it through an external source as it has a new incredibly small Fusion Reactor in it. It also has a self destruct on it EXTREMELY LETHAL. You will have about 30 seconds to get in the minimum safe distance which is 25 Feet.” Replied Alice “Hmm…interesting.” Jacob grabs 5 clips and puts them in his pouches slings the rifle over his left shoulder over his neck so it wouldn’t have much movement. He Looks back down at the rack and spots the new assault rifle. “Hmm…Interesting…What’s different about this…I notice it’s got a scope on it?” “It fires a 45 Cal. Round and just like the sniper rifle it is a Zero Point Energy Gun. The clip holds 45 Rounds and slides into the top part of the gun just like the old FN-P90s they used to have a few thousand years ago.” Replied Alice |
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MisturMoogle Thief  Since: 02-02-05 From: U.S.A. Since last post: 6498 days Last activity: 6119 days |
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| Its pretty god except for the fact that, there is to much "ammo clips" for the weapons. You figure and sniper rifle with a small reactor in it, and 5 clips along with his 2 magnums fully loaded and with 4 additional clips for each gun. That makes a total of 15 clips for all the weps he carries. Thats alot of weight to be carrying. reactors aren't exactlly some light things. good stoy but weight problems come in to play. Also how can an energy weapon fire shells...?? | |||
Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!  Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 946 days Last activity: 946 days |
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| I downloaded it.
I (painfully) read it. It's not my style, so I don't like it. It needs a lot of work. It doesn't flow. You need to create more description, but since its based on something that already exists, not too much. Just enough to help the n00bs, but not overpower the Halo freaks. It was an okay read, and it was painful because I was immediately disinterested. But, you read through my entire Soldier of Fortune, so I had to return the pleasure. I would like to see a better copy, though. Maybe a better developed copy. But, hey, I'm just critiquing. I tend not to read many other stories from other people since I'm always busy with my own. But, since you took the time to e-mail it to me, I read it. Anything I receive through e-mail is always at a higher priority than anything posted on a board. I'm not attempting to discourage you. I would like to read more, just in a better construction (GRAMMAR!!) than it is now. That's all. Granted, my SoF needs a lot of work, and that's why there hasn't been an update to the other SoF:A story. I'm working on it. Trying to expand upon it, provide more description, and remove unneeded elements. Overall: Needs work, but nice attempt. |
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Spartan Metal battleaxe Is back. Kind of. Since: 11-15-04 Since last post: 101 days Last activity: 90 days |
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| Okay...well hmm...Needs work i guess...Here is an updated draft of Chapter 1
Halo: The Final Call [Setting 2553 June 6th 0800 Hours Earth Time] Location Earth Castle Base Australia Spartan 318 Jacob awakes from his 8 hour rest period. “Morning Jacob” A female voice says “Morning Alice”, Jacob replies,”What is on the schedule today?” “You have a weapons test at 0930 and a squad training exercise with the marines at 1800 hours” “Weapons Test…What do they want me to test?” Jacob asks inquisitively. “Need to know classified…You’ll find out when you get there. I advice you to suit up though” Alice replied. Hmmm….interesting No info…Must be good stuff then Jacob walks over to his set of MJOLNER Mark VII battle armor and begins to suit up. He grabs his magnum holsters and straps them to his waist grabbing his magnums and four clips for each shoving them into his pouches. “To the firing range then.” Jacob steps outside the barracks ignoring the two marines that snap to attention as he walks out of the barracks towards his M12 LRRV aka the Warthog. This Warthog has been heavily modified. It main armament has been changed to a special Side to side Configuration with a Gauss Cannon and a 40MM Chain Gun on the rear turret. “Well Alice lets go and do that weapons test.” Jacob says. Alice shimmers into place on the center consoles Holo Pad. Alice like many AI' chose her own appearance. She appears to most humans wearing a unique gold and silver medieval armor with large black wings and long silver hair. “Certainly”, Alice Replies Jacob shifts into gear and drives off to the firing range. This is puzzling that I don’t have clearance to find out ahead of time what I will be testing As Jacob arrives at the firing rang all of the marines at the checkpoint bring their weapons to their shoulders ready to fire if his ID doesn’t check out. “Sir I’ll need to get a retinal scan before I can admit you to the test.”, says the stern faced marine Jacob steps out of his warthog and takes of hiss helmet and presses his eyes to the scanner. “Wheep!” went the scanner “Your cleared Sir.” Answered the marine. “Thanks.” Jacob Puts his helmet back on hops back into his warthog and drives to the testing area spotting Rear Admiral Jon Osborn and General Kale Donahoo. Looks like the brass is here for this one Jacob hops out of the warthog and immediately salutes Rear Admiral Osborn and General Donahoo. “SIRS!” Jacob Yells “Hello Jacob” Kale and Jon reply simultaneously while returning Jacobs Salute “Jacob We have four new weapons for you to test. One of them is highly explosive…We want you to walk into that tent over there and test out the weapons inside. We will be recording you through satellite imagery and Cameras all around the Firing Range.”, The Rear Admiral Said “Sir! Yes! Sir!” Replied Jacob. Jacob double timed it to the tent and he was amazing at the new weapons. The first weapon looked like a new sniper rifle. It had a 2x 5x 10x and a 45x Scope. He examine one of the clips next to it and was shocked that they were firing a round larger then the 12.7mm in the in this new sniper rifle. He guessed it was a 60 Cal. Round it had a 5 rounds inside the clip Jacob hefted the new sniper rifle and slapped the clip in and chambered a round. “Whoa…Alice what is this called” Asked Jacob “This is the new Zero Point Energy Sniper Rifle. Extremely lethal. Could almost punch through the Scorpion tanks armor. Please Notice that there is no shell case around the bullet…Its all inside the Gun. No need to recharge it through an external source as it has a new incredibly small Fusion Reactor in it. It also has a self destruct on it EXTREMELY LETHAL. You will have about 30 seconds to get in the minimum safe distance which is 25 Feet.” Replied Alice “Hmm…interesting.” Jacob grabs 4 clips and puts them in his pouches slings the rifle over his left shoulder over his neck so it wouldn’t have much movement. He Looks back down at the rack and spots the new assault rifle. “Hmm…Interesting…What’s different about this…I notice it’s got a scope on it?” “It fires a 45 Cal. Round and just like the sniper rifle it is a Zero Point Energy Gun. The clip holds 45 Rounds and slides into the top part of the gun just like the old FN-P90s they used to have a few thousand years ago.” Replied Alice “When did all of these advances in Zero Point Energy happen? I thought we were years from any of this.” “Not at all…We will come back and test out the other two weapons lets head to the firing Range and I’ll explain more.” Jacob grabs 8 clips for the new assault rifle and a new C (lip) Vest and puts it all inside the vest and clips it on to him and to his belt. He unslings the Rifle from his shoulder putting the new assault rifle in its place and walks to the sniper range. “Let’s see what this baby can do.” Jacob Said excitedly Jacob lies down and sights down the scope at a target with the 2x zoom then hits the 10x zoom for a smaller target downrange. Jacob pulls the trigger and a blue flash comes out of the barrel of the gun and down range the target explodes into a bunch of small pieces. “WHOA!!!” Said Jacob,”That’s crazy.” Jacob looks for the hulk of Scorpion Tank down range and sights on the junction between turret and body. He zooms in with the 10x zoom and pulls the trigger again the blue flash then the Turret fly’s off of the main body of the tank. “This will definitely hurt the Covenant.” Jacob said, “I’m afraid to see what this will do to a Person.” “It won’t be a nice sight…to say the least the person will have no idea what hits him.” Alice Replies grimly. Jacob looks up spotting a Pelican Dropship hovering over him and notices people standing at the rear door. “Wonder why they are here?” Jacob asks. Jacob brings the sniper rifle up and looks inside seeing that the people are Spartans and is amazed. All of the sudden the Dropship swoops low and the Spartans jump out there is a total of 3 of them and some crates are dropped with them and what looks like a few weapon crates. Jacob Walks over to them with his magnum drawn just incase, as he nears the group the Spartans stand at attention and salute Jacob. “SIR!” Exclaim the Spartans Jacob returns the salute and their FOF tags show them all as part of the new group of Spartans just trained. “Hello I have never seen any of you till today so by your FOF tags you are…” Jacob states pointing at the Spartan nearest to him with armor that seems to have a rocket pod attached to the left shoulder pauldron. “Codename Heavy Metal…Name Michael Wistock Specialization Heavy Weapons…Interesting armor…” Jacob Points to the next Spartan in line who’s armor is shimmering as if its trying to match colors with the background. “Codename Fox…Name Sean Jobes…Specialization Stealth…Nice armor…what did you do to it?” Jacob Points to the next Spartan in line whose armor has what looks like increased strength in the Elbow and wrist joints and leg joints in his armor. “Codename Swordsmen…Name Icav Ribe….Specialization Melee Combat…I’m assuming your sword is in one of those crates.” Jacob points to the next on in line noticing this Spartan is large…Extremely Large… “Codename…Juggernaut…Name Kevin Tally…Specialization Hand to Hand…Nice…” The next Spartans armor has what looks like multiple shield capacitors probably increasing the shields strength ten fold. “Codename Pyro…Name Chris Hilfigure let me guess specialization is demolitions…” Chris Nods… “Well…Lets continue this weapons test…What the…” Jacob looks up to see one of the orbital defense platforms explode. “Alice what’s going on? We need to get up were we can do some…uh oh…COVENANT DROPSHIP INBOUND!” Jacob Points at the incoming dropships. “Team Grab your weapons and lets move to the towers at Castle base…Heavy Metal, Fox. You’re with me the rest of you grab another warthog and follow me to the base and follow my warthog. Grab a trailer and put any remaining supplies in the trailer and pull it with us you never know when we may need them.” Jacob runs past the marines at the gate with the other Spartans close in turn Juggernaut is pulling the trailer with supplies. “Marines get your sh-- in gear. We need to move were being attacked by the Covenant. Follow us in the Scorpion tanks on the grounds well need the armor.” The marines all run to the two tanks that are parked next to the gate two of them to drive each tank and one on each of the 4 tread pods. “Good Follow me. Spartans MOVE IT!” Jacob hops into his warthog fox jumps into the turret and juggernaut attaches the trailer to the other warthog and squeezes into the driver seat, Heavy Metal grabs a Rocket Launcher and hops into the passenger seat looking for targets. Jacob speeds off to the main part of Castle Base. On the radio to his team “Team fire at will, just keep close.” Jacob shifts into high gear hitting the top speed of his warthog at 165 MPH. The other warthog is topped out at 135 MPH. Jacob slows down to match speeds with the slower warthog. “TARGETS ON THE LEFT!” Jacob shouts. Heavy Metal swivels and locks onto a Wraith tank and opens fire with two rockets drops the empty rocket pod and reloads as the tank explodes. Fox opens fire with the gauss cannon on the ghost’s Destroying one with the cannon then decides to switch to chain gun and cuts down the other ghost. “Come on team we need better reactions. We are almost there…” Jacob stomps the pedal to the floor as he watches dropships and specters drop of tanks and more infantry to a small out post about 5 miles away from the base. “Your kidding me…What is going on with the covenant they lose their prophets and they change their assault doctrine completely…” Jacob says with an annoyed tone. Jacob turns to look back at the rest of his team… “Alright Spartans you know what we will have to do…” The gate opens to let Jacob and his Spartan in the passengers on both vehicles quickly dismount and begin setting up turrets and barriers at the front gate due to the nature of this attack they are setting up AA turrets along side of the gauss, rocket, chaingun turrets. “Alright team we will wait here for further orders.” The Covenant start to Roar out threats in their language to the Spartans at the turrets “SHUT UP THE NOISE!” Kevin Yells at the massing covenant. The covenant continue shouting at the Spartans “Team…Open Fire.” Jacob Commands The Spartans Open fire with Chain Guns and Rocket Turrets Tearing into the covenant ranks killing the first few lines of grunts and the jackals behind them. Jacob Unslings his ZPE Sniper rifle and draws a bead on a white covenant elite. “Gotcha.” Jacob fires the rifle with the signature blue muzzle flash the elite appears to vaporize shower the surrounding ranks with blood. “Wow…Alice you weren’t kidding…He just kinda vanished…” |
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