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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Me being emo.... |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy!          Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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| FYI: please dont tell me that things are going to get better, Cause I know they are and Im just getting super fricken annoyed at hearing it. so yea...
Every morning I wake up and think.. "Is my life worth living for, and or What the hell happend". Until a few months ago I was doing really well. My life seemed to be going in the right track for once. I had a job(still do but thinking of quitting), I was actually doing ill in school(had a 3.5 GPA), Steve was gone(if you dont know who he is, you can ask but I cant garentee an answer), and I had Sarah. I dont know what exactly happend, everthing seemed to be going pretty good. It just all seemed to start falling through my fingers, first of all my mom started talking to Steve again, now he pretty much lives with us now(again for the fifty millionth time), it even seemed like my mom was doing better, sh was actually getting the bills paid on time and she was getting back out of debt, until she started talking to Steve again. Now just the other day she told me that were going to have to move soon, because surprise surprise she cant keep up on the house and rent payments, so the house were living in might get repo'd. So we get to move up to my grandparents. My grandma has alziemers(SP?) and is getting worse everyday, we lost her about a month ago, when we werent looking she just got up and walked off, we couldnt find her for around 6 hours, we finally found her in another persons house, 5 miles away, over ruff turrain, Eg:mountain, trees, rocks,. She pretty much hiked there, Soon after my grandpa came down with something, he has something wrong with his lungs, he cant breath half of the time and also we had to send him to the ER because he was suffocating, when they got him there the oxygen in his blood was at 89%, when it's supposed to be around 95%. Work has been guetting worse by the day also, the boss is a bitch, and the only reason im staying is because I need the money, one of my co-workers quit so she got even worse. It's like all she does now is bitch about everything, on how im not doing this or that right, when a few month's ago it was fine, she expect's me to keep up with stuff, but I cant because she cant get off her lazy ass and help and there's so much other shit that she wants me to do that I cant also. I just got my report card today and found out that my GPA dropped from a 3.5 or higher to a 3.1, There's so much shit that's going on at school that I dont even want to start getting into it, all it is is mindless torcher most of the time anyways. Then to top it all off, I lost the only happy part of my life, I know that people are tired of me bitching and stuff like that, im not trying to get on people's nerves or anything, but I just need to get everything off of my chest. Sarah broke up with me, there's a lot more info about that but if she wants everyone to know I want her permission first, Everyone probobly know's anyways, considering on how I over reacted, but as I was saying, She was the only happy part of my life, I looked forward to seeing her in a few months, Because I was the dumbass and got a fucking "F" on my last report card, my mom wouldnt let me go for new years, I was bummed out and im still bummed out, cause I know that if I would have made it for new years that things might have turned out differently. I miss her so much right now that it hurts, she's all I still think about, I was told that "you can never fall out of love for someone" I have never seen that so true as much as I do right now. Im happy that she's finally happy, she finally has someone that can take care of her like I couldnt, but I still hurt and all this other shit that has been going on, I just dont care about life anymore. My heart feels like it's trying to burst from my chest everytime I think of her because of how much I miss her......it's almost to overwhelming.... for the past 2 weeks I have only gotten about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night, Max, and that's it, every time I wake up in the morning I cant eat anything or else I will throw it all up, I havnt been able to eat untill at least noon. I feel like shit and I look like shit, how I know this is because people I know have commented that I dont look so good, I just dont know what to do anymore, I have cried myself to sleep multiple times. I... just... dont... know.... 
Edit: toolk out my layout. Edit 2: I just remembered, >_< if you call my cell and leave a message, and I dont get back to you, im not doing it on purpose. I gave my mom 150 bucks with my last paycheck to pay for my phone because I went over a few months, and it turned out that she used the money on something else. So now everytime I try to make a all it automatically transfers me to verison's financial department. so right now all im able to do is recieve calls not make them.. (Last edited by Drizzt DoUrden on 02-08-06 12:14 AM) |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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| Im not going to tell you everything is ok because you dont want to hear it. But I am also going to point out that your not the only one who is heartbroken as well as having a heavy burden on your life...Not to long ago I completely freaked out on alot of people on the internet over petty matters about my life and how much it sucks...so believe me, I know how you feel, and I know what your going through...
Im heartbroken right now more than ever...It hurts so bad, its become a daily basis where I find myself lying on the floor crying while blaring music in my room to drown my own sounds...Im deaf in one ear, I stutter, im not good looking...I just feel sometimes "Why do people care about me?"... Well Drizzit your not the only one going through hard times with family matters as well...Today I had to stay home from school because my grandmother is getting at that point of age to where she dosent want to be left alone...shes always tierd, she dosent remember people who call when im not home...Its stressful. Tomorrow she has to go to the doctor...And if she passes away, I will have no where to go in my life...I will be homeless...no car, no Job, no house...That thought scares me...So im FORCED to take care of my grandmother...no matter what the cost... Just remember Drizzit that Im your friend, and if you really need someone to talk to, im always there for an ear...even if im over thousands of miles away, I am still there if you need someone to talk to... |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!  Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 933 days Last activity: 933 days |
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| Without reading anything past the first line:
Things in the world suck and they always are going to suck. So what do you do? You either turn it around, or you contribute to the suck. Go have a fish stick. |
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Belial Bazu Since: 01-29-05 From: New Zealand Since last post: 4364 days Last activity: 3978 days |
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| *clears throat*
paragraph one: financial issues and mother's boyfriend issues: response: Don't tell me about money issues and not having a house. My parents owned one house their entire marriage, the others were rented or were apartments. My mom, brother and I moved 2,000 miles away from everything I ever knew. We were flat broke. I was happy for the one present I got for Christmas: a new CD. We were on welfare, didn't get new clothes, didn't ask for anything because we couldn't afford it. We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment, my mom slept on the couch because my brother and I were too old to share a room together. My mom was a single mother, doing her best. I practically was my brother's mother for that year, because my mom always worked. Trying to pay bills. Paragraph two: Grandparents: response: You're lucky to have your grandparents, still. Both of my grandfathers died before I turned 17. My grandmothers won't be around for too much longer either. My father died when I was 16 of cancer. Just be there for them as much as possible. Paragraph three: Work: Response: Work sucks. You find jobs that are better, more worth your time, and people you enjoy being around. So move on. Paragraph Four: School: Response: Yeah, school sucks too. There is NOTHING wrong with a 3.1 GPA. Even if it dropped from a 3.5. The reason that your grades are lowering is because you're preoccupied with everything else (work, your mom and her problems, grandparents, etc). You do what you can do, and reap the benefits. In other words, don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter in the long run anyway. Paragraph Five: Sarah: Response: If you're in love, and she is not, just accept what happened. Keep her in your heart and move on. Stop dwelling on it, and just breathe, letting life take its course. Stop being stagnant over the problem. Just because you move on, doesn't mean you have forgotten her, or don't love her anymore. Just move on. Paragraphs six: Sleep, etc: Response: You aren't sleeping or eating because you are concentrating on nothing but negatives, and it's frustrating and stressing you out (obviously). Take a step back, breathe, and live life. That is ALL you can do. (Except for not listening to Zabuza's negative advice). Good luck to you. Read and interpret my signature as you will, it has helped me numerous times to move on. Edit: Remove layout and add something. (Last edited by Belial on 02-08-06 05:05 AM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| 3.1 is nothing to sneeze at, it's still a B average GPA. Belial is right about the GPA and the sleep though. I wouldn't call Zabuza's advice negative though... just very blunt.
Anywho, the thing that you got to do is realize that you shape the universe around you. If you focus on the negatives then everything will be horrible. That is why you must seek out the good things in your life, like the fact that your grandparents are still alive, that you have a job, etc. When you look at it that way then it makes all the bad things a lot easier to cope with and get over. As for Sarah, I have three comments: 1) That phrase is bullshit to be bluntly honest. You can fall out of love with someone, all it takes is time or the right circumstances. I should know, I've done it a few times. 2) Again, focus on the positives. You had a good run and you learned a few life lessons that you can employ in your next relationship. As cheesy as the phrase is, it's yet to be proven wrong by me: It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. 3) All involved are merely victims of circumstance and timing. If they had just been honest with each other a year ago you wouldn't have been involved; but they had good reason not to. If the timing of the honesty had been later you might have been spared a bit of pain and drama (you know of what I speak); however it did turn out in your favor that it didn't occur until after she had already broken up with you for her own reasons. See, that alone is a silver lining to the storm cloud. Time heals all wounds, whether you want to hear it or not. Just hang in there, focus on the positives, and after a few years you will look back on this and wonder why you made such a big deal of all this. |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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I guess it's a good thing to say that im actually having a good day today. I got my learner's permit finally, so now I can start driving  |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| Awesome! Driving brings much freedom, and also something to devote restless energy to. See, the world is a wonderful place! | |||
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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| Now I get to worry about gas and incurence when I get my own car... LOl, I hope gas prices dont go up any time soon... lol | |||
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| Yeah, that is always an issue... but you'll survive. Prices down here went back up to nearly $3 again... it sucks so bad! | |||
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream  Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1676 days Last activity: 863 days |
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| Permit? Geoff? o.O
You, Me, giant parking Lot. We'll destory my car in practice XD. I'll come over and bother you at night sometime, since I'll NEVER have a weekend off. x-x |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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| Fucking A.. what the hell is wrong with this week? I dont get it, I just dont. I came to school this morning thinking I was going to have a good day for once. but it turns out the vice principal that took my key told my boss something, I almost lost my fucking job, the stress is really getting to me now, I just dont know what to do anymore. | |||
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4556 days Last activity: 4550 days |
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| Dude, first of all, why did he take your keys? (And to what...?) Im pretty sure he had a good reason of doing it...but it also sounds like your boss is pretty Anal if you catch what im saying...
Care to explain what happend? (Oh yeah, 1200 posts newbs...beating Rouge now...^___^ ) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| Well, I know why you lost the master key to the school... but what did he say that nearly cost you your job?
To quote Venomouslobster: "Look at the situation as This sucks, what can I do to make it better? and not This sucks, WHY ME?!?!?! and it becomes a lot easier to handle." I'm really negative about things myself usually, but even I admit that looking at things that way make it easier and not so bad. You didn't lose the job, so right there is a good thing to focus on. |
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1676 days Last activity: 863 days |
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| Wtf? That fucker took your masterkey?! o.O Damn me being graduated >.< I'm fallin behind on this info.
Lemme guess, it was the dumbass with the short black hair, and coke bottle glasses, right? PM me an Update. |
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Cairoi This isn't about you and your loud mouth, This is about me and my fucking beard. Since: 08-29-04 From: PA Since last post: 4848 days Last activity: 4471 days |
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| Alright, Drizzit, I don't like being brash or angry, but you want an opinion on this that's not "it's going to be okay" And you're getting one...
Calm the hell down, man. You have a dysfunctional life, I agree. I can understand why you're upset and stuff lately, but you have to learn to put things in perspective. Did you ever meet Sarah in person? When you were dating, did you meet in person? While I'm not completly sure, I derived it was mainly an internet releationship. What did you do then when you were dating? Talked, I assume. You can still do so, right? So no big loss. Your mother is in a bad relationship with this guy Steve. Tell her in private what you believe he's doing to the family and that you're her son and you love her more than he does. Try to take matters into own hands. School sucks. I had around a 1.7 GPA last semseter. I hate it when people think a B is bad. Stop overreacting, mi amigo. Work sucks. Find a job you like, or make one. If you don't like your surroundings, don't stay there and wish for something better. Get yo butt up and fix it yourself. I'm 14 AND I only have one Grandfather. Last year, 3 of my relatives died, along with my teacher. You'll learn true sadness if you let it wallow. Dude, put things into perspective. You're physically stable, a good student, and a well-rounded individual. You're no starving kid in Africa. Stop worrying so much. I hate sitting around feeling sorry for myself. It accomplishes nothing and just wastes the time we have ont his planet. So don't worry, be happy. And don't be emo. I do not like emo. |
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Kaijin Surohm Living the dream Since: 08-16-04 Since last post: 1676 days Last activity: 863 days |
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Originally posted by Cairoi Drizzt, I'll save you the breath on this one. Cairoi. Online dating is somethign I wouldn't expect you to understand. A lot more stuff happens then "just talking." A relationship is still a relationship. You still trust one another, share all your feelings. I've gone through it, and the only way you'd truely understand is if you went through it. It's one matter you should NOT break into, it'll only result in a flame war. Regarding Steve. He's talk to his mother a THOUSAND times and more over this prick. She won't listen. Why? Noone knows. It's just how it is, and she's only ganna lose her son in the process. Dealing with this subject isn't as easy of a picnic as you believe. There's more behind the scenes then just "Tell her in private." Life just isn't that easy. I wish it were, but it's not. Also, regarding work. That won't be an issue in a few months, lol. It just helps to rant about it. |
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Truth/Serum Cheep-cheep Continued Harassment. Since: 03-07-05 From: In pieces Since last post: 6283 days Last activity: 6254 days |
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Originally posted by Kaijin SurohmOriginally posted by Cairoi |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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| Might as well clarify on some things, I understand what everyone is saying about my relationship with sarah, im over it, and all I want to do is forget about it ever happening and get on with my life, I dont think anythings going to change between us so I think it's for the best,
Work probobly going to put my two weeks in sometimes next week, the thing that I think blew everything up in the first place was that my boss was bothered on his vacation about it, so I think he thinks it's a bigger deal than it really is, if that's it and he see's what's going on then I might stay, I dont know yet. Steve..... well, ill put it this way, he just needs to die along with my mother right now and let me get on with my life in peice for once. This wouldnt have been much of a deal in the first place if it hadnt all happend all at the same time. trust me guys, im better now, as for school, im going to a senior day at the library today so that I can get some work on my senior paper done. as for the sleeping problem im doing better, I can sleep for once, still dosnt mean my mind wanders to the past but meh... ill be better in no time. Originally posted by Truth/Serum Is that a challenge Cunningham?.... oh... .your on, you better watch out
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 99 days Last activity: 99 days |
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| Oh dear... if I hear about people exploding from mass pizza consumption I will die laughing and demand pictures.
Usually it is not a good idea to "forget about it ever happening", but I'll PM you more on that one and perhaps get a laugh out of you. |
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Savedox Berserker You put a bullet in my head, Till black turns to red! This could all end in tragedy! Since: 08-20-04 From: Read \"Real Name\" Since last post: 4543 days Last activity: 1632 days |
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| lol, sounds good to me, and yes, you will get pictures |
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| Xeogaming Forums - Sunset Waterfall - Me being emo.... |
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But those are just some of the things you have to get through and live on with you know? Could be worse. I've got a Chief here (4 ranks higher than lowly me) who I accidentally scared on his first day with us, and he hated me ever since 
That, and as usual, you'll start out as 'it'. Just no bashing of the knees into low walls mmkay?