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| Xeogaming Forums - Story Realm - Car Wash |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie!          Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 937 days Last activity: 937 days |
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| Water swirled around the windows of the car, sounds of thumping and swishing in the cabin. He released his safety belt, and reclined listening to the sounds, closing his eyes. Voices muffled by the waves of water screamed his name outside, sounding so distant with each passing second.
It was cold inside the car, but it felt so good and pure. The vehicle tilted and moved slightly under the pressure of the cleansing water, it movement around the vehicle lifting away three weeks worth of dirt, dust, caked-on mud and smog. The liquid fluidly dissolving his emotions and helping him calm down. Darkness enveloped the car as it continued its wash cycle, windows cracking under the watery pressure, slowly trickling water into the freezing cabin. He opened his eyes, floating on a bed of water inside the cabin, peering through a darkened back window up towards the pier. His face pressed gently upon the rear window, a frozen look of serene solitude, as the car was cleansed within. A final though crossed his mind, "...it had been a good day to wash the car." (Last edited by Zabuza on 02-27-06 08:30 PM) |
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Elara Divine Mamkute Dark Elf Goddess Chaos Imp Penguins Fan Ms. Invisable  Since: 08-15-04 From: Ferelden Since last post: 103 days Last activity: 103 days |
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| ... Oh dear... that was a might bit unexpected. Well written as always, but I'm curious as to the inspiration. | |||
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 937 days Last activity: 937 days |
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| Jack needs to be washed. And, the darkness is everywhere as of late, so I decided to see if it was possible to take something as mundane as washing the car and turn it into a death story without out-right using anything that alluded to death.
I tried, and apparently succeeded. Jack is still dirty. The darkness is still calling. |
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Sion Red Paragoomba  Since: 02-25-06 From: Windy City Since last post: 6774 days Last activity: 6673 days |
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| Man that was very very good short story. Congrats. The only thing wrong with it was some minor grammatical errors, they really show when the writing so good, but great job! | |||
Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt  Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4560 days Last activity: 4553 days |
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| scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary...;;;;
And to think it feels like I got back from a car wash...my dad sprayed water at me this freezing morning... what an interesting way to end a story tho... |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 937 days Last activity: 937 days |
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| Minor grammatical error fixed. I don't know. I was going for suicide without actually talking specifically about it. I think I pulled it off. | |||
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4560 days Last activity: 4553 days |
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Originally posted by Zabuza Well there are many ways to point out the dramatic ending of the story, I never actually thought of suicide... *Sajin Gorotto Thought he locked himself in by accident* But thats just me, now that you pointed that out tho, it DOES read like he committed siucide. |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 937 days Last activity: 937 days |
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| Explain to me how you could ever possibly lock yourself into a car's main cabin (not trunk) by accident, and not get out? | |||
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01001000 Slow Ride Take It Easy  Since: 01-10-05 Since last post: 6530 days Last activity: 5880 days |
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Originally posted by Zabuza Police Academy  Then again, the chances of the car being a police car are less than likely.
Nice short story Zabuza. |
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Bitmap #1 Enhancement Shaman US Ravenholdt Since: 09-05-04 From: His Laughin' Place Since last post: 4560 days Last activity: 4553 days |
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Originally posted by HoboConductor I was about to say that...=.= ;; I was watching it while I was first reading Zabuza's post as well...Such Irony! |
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Stitch Roy Koopa Holy crap, it is the RoboCoonie! Since: 08-20-04 From: California Since last post: 937 days Last activity: 937 days |
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| Movies don't count! Of course you can lock yourself into the back of a police car. Even I've done that.
I don't know. I guess I'll try writing more subtle things. This one was an open-to-interpretation story anyway. Darkness enveloping you, water surrounding, washing away emotions. Whatever. |
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